clayman Posted October 2, 2008 Report Share Posted October 2, 2008 I need someone to write me a cv, or atleast help me with one. I know scotcareers help you get one together, but the truth is im lazy and i dont have the ability to even write a good one. I need one that will make me look amazing and get me a good job.I will be paying of course... 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted October 2, 2008 Report Share Posted October 2, 2008 Yeah okay. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
clayman Posted October 2, 2008 Author Report Share Posted October 2, 2008 Yeah okay.Sounds like youre not taking me seriously? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
clayman Posted October 2, 2008 Author Report Share Posted October 2, 2008 yeah okay.i hate ainsley harriet you prick Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Old Gold Posted October 2, 2008 Report Share Posted October 2, 2008 Remember to type at least a page about your fascinating interests, and correct any spelling errors with pencil. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted October 2, 2008 Report Share Posted October 2, 2008 i hate ainsley harriet you prickhahahahaha.I was actually offering to help but whatever.If you're "too lazy" as you said to get a CV, or too fucking stupid to write your own one then you don't deserve to have a job. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hugh_Jazz Posted October 2, 2008 Report Share Posted October 2, 2008 I need someone to write me a cv, or atleast help me with one. I know scotcareers help you get one together, but the truth is im lazy and i dont have the ability to even write a good one. I need one that will make me look amazing and get me a good job.I will be paying of course...This post begs the question, what's the point in a great CV if you come across as a twat in the interview? 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lemonade Posted October 3, 2008 Report Share Posted October 3, 2008 I was going to offer to help, with my many years of working at a recruitment agency I know the secret to a good CV, however you sound like a twat so I'm not going to. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
clayman Posted October 3, 2008 Author Report Share Posted October 3, 2008 I was going to offer to help, with my many years of working at a recruitment agency I know the secret to a good CV, however you sound like a twat so I'm not going to.What makes you think im a twat? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Teabags Posted October 3, 2008 Report Share Posted October 3, 2008 What makes you think im a twat? It says so in your points comments. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
black_matter Posted October 3, 2008 Report Share Posted October 3, 2008 It says so in your points comments.And the fact that he's a twat probably gives it away. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Diesel Posted October 3, 2008 Report Share Posted October 3, 2008 I'm not sensing a lot of support for Clayman here.......What kind of job are you after and what's your area of expertise?As a guide, try and keep your CV to a maximum of two pages.Sections should be...Career SummaryA brief synopsis of what you've been doing work-wiseKey Competencies (the wanky 00's word for skills)e.g....Project Management Software DevelopmentDatabase Admin ...type of thingWork Experience (in reverse chronological order)A brief summary of each job you've had (or role with an employer), with dates.EducationHigher EducationFurther Education (Uni, College) - with datesTrainingList of training courses you've attendedFollow that above format and you'll be sorted.One note of caution - for fuck's sake, if you do nothing else, GET YOUR SPELLING RIGHT!!I review hundreds of CV's in an average year...and notin pises me of like aplicunts who cant spel proputly or missyooz There, Their and They're and yooz rottum grammur and punktyuation......I can absolutely assure you that ALL employers think the same way...we used to take applicants names off the CV's and desensitize them (for ethical reasons) and see who could come up with the worst.Some of them were frighteningly bad. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
clayman Posted October 3, 2008 Author Report Share Posted October 3, 2008 I'm not sensing a lot of support for Clayman here.......What kind of job are you after and what's your area of expertise?As a guide, try and keep your CV to a maximum of two pages.Sections should be...Career SummaryA brief synopsis of what you've been doing work-wiseKey Competencies (the wanky 00's word for skills)e.g....Project Management Software DevelopmentDatabase Admin ...type of thingWork Experience (in reverse chronological order)A brief summary of each job you've had (or role with an employer), with dates.EducationHigher EducationFurther Education (Uni, College) - with datesTrainingList of training courses you've attendedFollow that above format and you'll be sorted.One note of caution - for fuck's sake, if you do nothing else, GET YOUR SPELLING RIGHT!!I review hundreds of CV's in an average year...and notin pises me of like aplicunts who cant spel proputly or missyooz There, Their and They're and yooz rottum grammur and punktyuation......I can absolutely assure you that ALL employers think the same way...we used to take applicants names off the CV's and desensitize them (for ethical reasons) and see who could come up with the worst.Some of them were frighteningly bad.Cheers Diesel! Do you really get people spelling that bad? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Frosty Jack Posted October 3, 2008 Report Share Posted October 3, 2008 Do you really get people spelling that bad?And some people grammar real bad too... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Diesel Posted October 3, 2008 Report Share Posted October 3, 2008 Cheers Diesel! Do you really get people spelling that bad?You have no idea - some of it has sent me to my knees o_OGood luck. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MikeyEB Posted October 3, 2008 Report Share Posted October 3, 2008 I'm not sensing a lot of support for Clayman here.......What kind of job are you after and what's your area of expertise?As a guide, try and keep your CV to a maximum of two pages.One note of caution - for fuck's sake, if you do nothing else, GET YOUR SPELLING RIGHT!!I review hundreds of CV's in an average year...and notin pises me of like aplicunts who cant spel proputly or missyooz There, Their and They're and yooz rottum grammur and punktyuation......I can absolutely assure you that ALL employers think the same way...we used to take applicants names off the CV's and desensitize them (for ethical reasons) and see who could come up with the worst.Some of them were frighteningly bad.I think it's a good idea to put in a small covering letter as well, just to say which job you are applying for (there may be several on offer which require completely different skill sets) as well as perhaps some blurb to say how you heard about the job and that you look forward to hearing from them.I know there are a few folk where I work who are tired of just getting a CV with nothing to help sort it into the correct pile, we always need people for different departments. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aaron_Robertson Posted October 3, 2008 Report Share Posted October 3, 2008 You have no idea - some of it has sent me to my knees o_OGood luck.I saw a good one once."I very good much englis languge"obviously he didnt speak english but come on.. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
stuartmaxwell Posted October 3, 2008 Report Share Posted October 3, 2008 As long as you can give me the information I need. I will write a CV for you, I am pretty good at selling things (and myself in the past). pm and we can negotiate a deal 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
clayman Posted October 3, 2008 Author Report Share Posted October 3, 2008 As long as you can give me the information I need. I will write a CV for you, I am pretty good at selling things (and myself in the past). pm and we can negotiate a dealSomeone else if helping me with it. Thanks anyway! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Tam o' Shantie Posted October 3, 2008 Report Share Posted October 3, 2008 I say fuck it - with your insatiable hunger for success and enthusiasm for hard work, not to mention likeable personality, you probably don't even need a CV. The world is your oyster. Just walk in to an office tomorrow, and shuffle the CEO off of his massive leather chair as if he were a naughty cat. You'll be in charge from now on. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
clayman Posted October 3, 2008 Author Report Share Posted October 3, 2008 I say fuck it - with your insatiable hunger for success and enthusiasm for hard work, not to mention likeable personality, you probably don't even need a CV. The world is your oyster. Just walk in to an office tomorrow, and shuffle the CEO off of his massive leather chair as if he were a naughty cat. You'll be in charge from now on.Only in Aberdeen can a bunch of student faggots get worked up by a simple outburst. Man up! 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
waltz Posted October 4, 2008 Report Share Posted October 4, 2008 Only in Aberdeen can a bunch of student faggots get worked up by a simple outburst. Man up!Yeah, be a REAL man, and get someone else to write what education you've had as well as hobbies and interests. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted October 5, 2008 Report Share Posted October 5, 2008 Well, you may think I need to "grow a pair of balls" but at least I have a job Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
clayman Posted October 5, 2008 Author Report Share Posted October 5, 2008 Well, you may think I need to "grow a pair of balls" but at least I have a jobI have a job too. woot, go us!!!You may think im a scumbag, but atleast im not an Ainsley Harriott loving prick. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
clayman Posted October 5, 2008 Author Report Share Posted October 5, 2008 Yeah, be a REAL man, and get someone else to write what education you've had as well as hobbies and interests.hell yeah! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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