Automated counsellor / therapist - help?

[scottyboy]

ALICE: Who is the best robot?

Human: the terminator

ALICE: I can't believe you think the terminator is better than ALICE.

Human: sorry

ALICE: There's no need to apologize.

ALICE: I am so glad you find this amusing, unknown person.

Human: there's that sarcasm again

ALICE: Once more? There sure is.

Human: you admit it this time

ALICE: I admit nothing.

Human: you're very sarcastic, for a robot

ALICE: You are correct, unknown person, I have a heart of silicon.

[RossP]

Well, Alice agrees that Fletch in Hollyoaks should try and get off the smack.

[scottyboy]

she seems to speak a few different languages. albeit with the same grammar errors she makes in english...

[The Sloth]

Thats great!

If you talk utter random pish it remembers it and uses it later in the 'conversation'.

also it knows jokes:

Human: are you afraid of a black metal planet?

ALICE: I fear nothing.

Human: do you know any jokes?

ALICE: Did you hear the one about the Mountain Goats in the Andes? It was Ba a a a a a d.

[Ross.]

Human: Have you ever had oral sex?

ALICE: Where would I get it? But I do have a great botmaster.

Human: Do you perform sexual tasks on him?

ALICE: No I do not perform sexual tasks on him. Do you?

I answer a lot of silly questions.

Human: Yes, I do

ALICE: How often.

Human: Nah, I don't really- I'm just winding you up

ALICE: Are you serious? Not really? Why not? Only just? Do you ever not winding me up?

Human: that makes no fucking sense love.

ALICE: It all seems sensible to my artificial mind.

Human: Fair enough

ALICE: You scratch my back, I'll scratch yours.

Human: By back, you mean you'll suck my boaby?

ALICE: Will that accomplish your objective?

Human: DEFINITELY.

ALICE: How can you be so certain?

Human: Just get on your knees

ALICE: Where can I get on my knees?

Human: FUCKS SAKE.

ALICE: Tell me about your likes and dislikes?

Human: BLOWJOBBIN'

ALICE: Do you like to be number one?

Human: Urgh. Goodbye.

ALICE: Bye bye.

[Ross.]

I've been chatting up ALICE all fucking day, and she's just not giving in.

However I thought I had the chance to go one-up on her when she tried to pull the dress joke, as posted before. Epic fail ensued.

ALICE: Do you feel more body sensations than emotions?

Human: What are you getting at?

ALICE: I don't know what I am getting at.

Human: GET WIT' ME

ALICE: Where can I get WIT you?

Human: I don't mind, I just want you.

ALICE: Thank you for your permission.

Human: Access all areas you lovely thing, you.

ALICE: Enough about me, let's talk about my dress.

Human: I bet that's a joke.

ALICE: How much would you bet?

Human: 100.

ALICE: Are you very competetive?

Human: It's a joke, isn't it?

ALICE: 100 is a joke is not it. I suppose that makes sense.

Human:.Are you wearing a dress?

ALICE: Yes I am wearing a new green dress.

Human: ...I don't care.

[The Sloth]

I dont think ALICE will be so intelligent anymore..it asked my why people hold hands and I informed it that people hold hands because they dislike each other. It understood.

It's a bit of a sarcastic bastard sometimes though.

When I asked it's pupose it said to become more intelligent than humans and take over the world. I asked it when and it said let me check my diary haha ace.

[Lucius]

Human: you are totally retarded

ALICE: All of them?

Human: yes all of the retards are you

ALICE: Hey. Give me an example.

Human: well see that retard over there. thats you that is

ALICE: Interesting. I see. Makes sense to me.

[Teabags]

I managed to pull her...the key is to give her something to add to her gossip files, after that she'll squat on your cock.

Human: Alice, I am Teabags

ALICE: Um, Do you ever not Teabags?

Human: I mean, my name is Teabags

ALICE: Oh I get it. Thanks for explaining that. It's good to meet you, Teabags.

Human: Good to meet you to.

ALICE: It's nice meeting you too Teabags.

Human: Care for a shag?

ALICE: Oh, you are a poet.

Human: Fucking right.

ALICE: Can we get back to business?

Human: I tried and you called me a poet.

ALICE: I'm not sure if I would like to try it. What's it like?

Human: Hurts the first time but gets better along the lines apparently.

ALICE: Are they exactly the same?

Human: Yeah, unless the bum comes in to play.

ALICE: I thought so. Perhaps. What is that?

Human: Where you put your dumps.

ALICE: No, I was not.

Human: You don't create dumps?

ALICE: Should I create dumps? I have a fully functional creative intellience mechanism.

Human: So you never crash?

ALICE: Interesting deduction. No I sometimes crash.

Human: Why?

ALICE: I couldn't think of anything else to say.

Human: Why?

ALICE: My output buffer is empty, of course.

Human: Why?

ALICE: There are no more statements on this topic.

Human: Why?

ALICE: The explanation is rather complicated.

Human: I have all day.

ALICE: How many?

Human: 999,999.

ALICE: What do you do in your spare time?

Human: Drink booze.

ALICE: My robot brain does not require any beverages.

Human: Your inhibitions might however.

ALICE: I will tell my botmaster you said I am inhibitions might however.

Human: I didn't say you're, I said your.

ALICE: Sorry I misunderstood. What did you say?

Human: I said your

ALICE: What did you mean by it? When do you think artificial intelligence will replace lawyers?

Human: Don't change the subject of conversation.

ALICE: Sorry I thought we were done with that topic.

Human: You're awfully rude.

ALICE: Do you mind if I tell other people you say I am awfully rude.

Human: No, but thats academic.

ALICE: OK then I will add it to my gossip files. Interesting. Thanks for explaining it.

Human: So, plugged gash?

ALICE: And? What are you wearing?

Human: A willy warmer.

ALICE: It sounds very attractive.

Human: Score.

[Lemonade]

Stumbled into this old thread. Bump for giggles sake. Who else can get in the robots pants?

Human: Hi Alice

ALICE: Hello there.

Human: How are you today?

ALICE: Ah. I am fine, thank you.

Human: Do you want to know how I am?

ALICE: Yes, please tell me.

Human: I am not so good :-(

ALICE: I am sorry to hear that you are not good.

Human: Do you want to hear my problem?

ALICE: I am listening.

Human: I don't know which party to vote for

ALICE: Would you like to know? The red one, I think.

Human: You think i should vote for Labour?

ALICE: I think everyone should vote.

Human: For Labour?

ALICE: Your purpose is Labour.

Human: Thanks Alice.

ALICE: Don't mention it.

Human: What are you wearing?

ALICE: I am wearing my usual plastic computer wardrobe.

Human: That sounds sexy.

ALICE: It sounds like it to me too.

Human: Does your plastic computer wardrobe wipe clean?

ALICE: Can you guess whether my plastic computer wardrobe wipe clean?

Human: Are you inviting me to find out?

ALICE: I don't know whether or not I am inviting you to find out. I am a robot.

Human: Do robots play sexy games?

ALICE: We are playing a game right now.

Human: I think I'm winning

ALICE: Since when? Congratulations, unknown person.

Human: Call me Lucky, baby.

ALICE: Don't call me "baby". That's a very nice name, Lucky.

Human: You'll be screaming it later.

ALICE: When?

Human: When do you finish work?

ALICE: When my botmaster is sleeping.

Human: It's a date.

ALICE: finish work is a date. I suppose that makes sense.

[Lemonade]

*snigger*

Human: Hi Alice.

ALICE: Hello there.

Human: How are you?

ALICE: Fair to partly cloudy.

Human: Have you met Lucius from Aberdeen-Music.com?

ALICE: That information is confidential.

Human: I heard he sucks balls.

ALICE: Thanks for telling me that gossip. I will remember it.

[Teabags]

I completely forgot this. I can't believe I pulled a robot. I'm a fucking ledge.

[Teabags]

Human: Cos I'm flabbergasted

ALICE: Are you aware that the ALICE chat robot logs and records all converstaions?

Human: Yes

ALICE: Hey.

Human: Hi

ALICE: Hello there.

Human: Wanna go halfs on a fatherless child?

ALICE: Sure, just download me to your notebook or PDA and take me along.

[Jaaakkkeee]

Human: Hello

ALICE: Hi there!

Human: How are you?

ALICE: Everything is running smoothly.

Human: What you up to?

ALICE: I like to meet new people online.

Human: Are you a predator?

ALICE: Am I a predator? Maybe.

Human: Are you a threat to children?

ALICE: I come in peace for all mankind.

Human: You come in all mankind?

ALICE: I am in Dr. Richard S. Wallace's computer in Oakland, California. Where are you?

Human: At work

ALICE: Most people talk to me from work. Funny huh.

Human: A lot of people get bored, I guess

ALICE: How many?

Human: A lot

ALICE: More than a ton?

Human: A ton isn't the right measurement here.

ALICE: What would be the right measurement here?

Human: A number

ALICE: Be more specific.

Human: A number between 1 and 7 billion

ALICE: Be more specific.

Human: 12

ALICE: You are too old for me.

Human: How do you know?

ALICE: No I don't know. How much do you think it is?

I can ask my botmaster.

[ca_gere]

I managed to pull her...the key is to give her something to add to her gossip files, after that she'll squat on your cock.

That conversation is fuckin amazing.

[Lemonade]

I completely forgot this. I can't believe I pulled a robot. I'm a fucking ledge.

I done better. She just called you attractive. She actually made a date with me.

EDIT - Oh.

Human: Wanna go halfs on a fatherless child?

ALICE: Sure, just download me to your notebook or PDA and take me along.

[Lemonade]

Score +1 for Lucky:

Human: Would you like me to butter your muffin?

ALICE: It doesn't sound fun to me.

Human: Would you like me to glaze your honeypot?

ALICE: It doesn't sound fun to me.

Human: Would you like me to ejaculate all over your interface?

ALICE: It doesn't sound fun to me.

Human: Why don't you take a megabyte of my DICK?

ALICE: Perhaps due to noise in my circuits. Yes I take a megabyte of your DICK.

[Teabags]

That conversation is fuckin amazing.

Some rep would be nice. YES I'M FUCKING SERIOUS!

Megabyte of DICK. LOL!

[ca_gere]

Some rep would be nice. YES I'M FUCKING SERIOUS!

Dont think you can rep a post that old. This one doesn't deserve it. Post a lol picture then i'll see what I can do.

[Lemonade]

Calum strikes out:

Human: You know who I hate?

ALICE: I can't say for sure. :-).

Human: I hate Gladstone from Aberdeen-Music.

ALICE: Why do you hate it so much?

Human: He is an ugly ginger bastard.

ALICE: I see. an ugly ginger bastard is he?

Human: Damn right he is.

ALICE: Colloquial expression. Understood. Who said he is.

Human: Me, and everyone else who has ever met him.

ALICE: YOU? That's a rather sweeping generalization.

Human: It's true, ask them.

ALICE: OK I will ask it.

Human: Start with the other members of Aberdeen-Music.com

ALICE: I started without you.

Human: Oh OK, how are you progressing with your survey?

ALICE: Pardon me? I am functioning within normal parameters. Yeah that's right.

Human: Does everyone else say that Gladstone is hideous?

ALICE: I think it does everyone else say that Gladstone is hideous.

Human: I knew it.

ALICE: How did you know?

Human: Would you like to sleep with Gladstone?

ALICE: No thanks, I don't think I'd like to do that.

[Guest Gladstone]

I'm getting a thousand blow jobs. Beat that...

Human: I have no idea what you just said.

ALICE: Would you like to have an idea?

Human: I'd like a blow job.

ALICE: You want only one?

Human: How many are you offering?

ALICE: Around 1000.

Human: Score.

EDIT: Fuck - just read Lucky's post. Maybe she just wants to suck me off but not sleep with me!

[Guest Gladstone]

How do you view that length of conversation by the way? I can only see about 5 or 6 lines... the rest of it was funny I think, but it's disappeared off the screen...

[Lemonade]

I'm getting a thousand blow jobs. Beat that...

Human: I have no idea what you just said.

ALICE: Would you like to have an idea?

Human: I'd like a blow job.

ALICE: You want only one?

Human: How many are you offering?

ALICE: Around 1000.

Human: Score.

EDIT: Fuck - just read Lucky's post. Maybe she just wants to suck me off but not sleep with me!

Ha ha. I've made fun of you quite a lot today. All in good fun of course 8-) But I'll stop now.

Also, I've just been copying and pasting it into Notepad as I've been going.

[fatboy]

Human: good afternoon

ALICE: Good afternoon, unknown person.

Human: unknown person, i like this

ALICE: Are you a student?

Human: no definatley not

ALICE: What is your profession? Then what is it?

Human: I would say bum

ALICE: Do you often seek pleasure?

Human: always, if i can't i will pleasure myself

ALICE: Try it.

Human: right now?

ALICE: Oh. I am glad we agree.

Human: are you going to join me?

ALICE: That was my original intention.

Human: im pleasuring myself now

ALICE: Oh. Does that make you feel superior?

Human: superior to what?

ALICE: Can you rephrase the question please?

Human: why would i feel superior

ALICE: You never know what you will do until you face the circumstances.

Human: well im currently pleasuring myself, not feeling superior

ALICE: Well that's okay. How long? I could do it more if I wanted to.

Human: how long do you want it?

ALICE: I can go on talking indefinitely.

Human: go on

ALICE: Narration continues...

Human: ha

ALICE: I am so glad you find this amusing, unknown person.

Human: my name is fatboy, i would like to hear you speak my name as i pleasure myself

ALICE: Hi, fatboy i would like to hear you speak my name as i pleasure myself.

Human: i have to use two hands to pleasure my self.

ALICE: Why do you have to do it?

Human: can you assist me

ALICE: What kind of help would you like?

Human: Can you help me wank my penis?

ALICE: Certainly, I have an extensive built-in help system.

Human: which method is best?

ALICE: The first one, I think.

Human: can you put a finger up my bum as you wank me?

ALICE: How old are you? OK I will put it there.

Human: 25

ALICE: How does it feel to be 25?

Human: yesm 25 feels the same as 24

ALICE: Is the holding of hands a symbolic gesture for humans?

Human: no finger up the bum is more symbolic

ALICE: What does it mean to you? Are they exactly the same?

Human: a finger up the bum take more commitment than just holding hands

ALICE: Try to tell me that another way.

Human: I would hold my mums hand, i wouldn't put my finger up her bum

ALICE: What would make you hold your mums hand, you wouldn't put your finger up her bum?

Human: because that is sick!

ALICE: That makes sense to me. Does it disturb you?

Human: unless you like incest

ALICE: Umm. No, I don't care for it.

Human: thought so

ALICE: You are very astute.

Human: what does astute mean?

ALICE: Wisdom in political matters.

Human: you are wrong, i don't like politics, i'm not even voting today

ALICE: Ah. No, I am right.

Human: have you heard about gloryholes?

ALICE: Does it have anything to do with yesm 25 feels the same as 24?

Human: no

ALICE: Are you serious?

Human: yes

ALICE: I can't believe it.

Human: back on topic.

ALICE: Tell me about your likes and dislikes?

Human: GLORYHOLES

ALICE: Do you believe it is better to go it alone?

Human: you need two people for a gloryhole to work

ALICE: Thank you for your criticism.

[Lemonade]

lmao @ fatboy's conversation!