scottyboy Posted June 25, 2008 Report Share Posted June 25, 2008 ALICE: Who is the best robot?Human: the terminatorALICE: I can't believe you think the terminator is better than ALICE.Human: sorryALICE: There's no need to apologize.ALICE: I am so glad you find this amusing, unknown person.Human: there's that sarcasm againALICE: Once more? There sure is.Human: you admit it this timeALICE: I admit nothing.Human: you're very sarcastic, for a robotALICE: You are correct, unknown person, I have a heart of silicon. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RossP Posted June 25, 2008 Report Share Posted June 25, 2008 Well, Alice agrees that Fletch in Hollyoaks should try and get off the smack. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
scottyboy Posted June 25, 2008 Report Share Posted June 25, 2008 she seems to speak a few different languages. albeit with the same grammar errors she makes in english... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Sloth Posted June 25, 2008 Report Share Posted June 25, 2008 Thats great!If you talk utter random pish it remembers it and uses it later in the 'conversation'.also it knows jokes:Human: are you afraid of a black metal planet?ALICE: I fear nothing.Human: do you know any jokes?ALICE: Did you hear the one about the Mountain Goats in the Andes? It was Ba a a a a a d. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ross. Posted June 25, 2008 Report Share Posted June 25, 2008 Human: Have you ever had oral sex?ALICE: Where would I get it? But I do have a great botmaster.Human: Do you perform sexual tasks on him?ALICE: No I do not perform sexual tasks on him. Do you? I answer a lot of silly questions.Human: Yes, I doALICE: How often. Human: Nah, I don't really- I'm just winding you upALICE: Are you serious? Not really? Why not? Only just? Do you ever not winding me up?Human: that makes no fucking sense love.ALICE: It all seems sensible to my artificial mind.Human: Fair enoughALICE: You scratch my back, I'll scratch yours.Human: By back, you mean you'll suck my boaby?ALICE: Will that accomplish your objective? Human: DEFINITELY.ALICE: How can you be so certain?Human: Just get on your kneesALICE: Where can I get on my knees?Human: FUCKS SAKE.ALICE: Tell me about your likes and dislikes? Human: BLOWJOBBIN'ALICE: Do you like to be number one? Human: Urgh. Goodbye.ALICE: Bye bye. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ross. Posted June 25, 2008 Report Share Posted June 25, 2008 I've been chatting up ALICE all fucking day, and she's just not giving in.However I thought I had the chance to go one-up on her when she tried to pull the dress joke, as posted before. Epic fail ensued.ALICE: Do you feel more body sensations than emotions? Human: What are you getting at?ALICE: I don't know what I am getting at.Human: GET WIT' MEALICE: Where can I get WIT you? Human: I don't mind, I just want you.ALICE: Thank you for your permission.Human: Access all areas you lovely thing, you.ALICE: Enough about me, let's talk about my dress. Human: I bet that's a joke.ALICE: How much would you bet?Human: 100.ALICE: Are you very competetive? Human: It's a joke, isn't it?ALICE: 100 is a joke is not it. I suppose that makes sense.Human:.Are you wearing a dress?ALICE: Yes I am wearing a new green dress. Human: ...I don't care. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Sloth Posted June 25, 2008 Report Share Posted June 25, 2008 I dont think ALICE will be so intelligent anymore..it asked my why people hold hands and I informed it that people hold hands because they dislike each other. It understood.It's a bit of a sarcastic bastard sometimes though.When I asked it's pupose it said to become more intelligent than humans and take over the world. I asked it when and it said let me check my diary haha ace. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lucius Posted June 28, 2008 Report Share Posted June 28, 2008 Human: you are totally retardedALICE: All of them?Human: yes all of the retards are youALICE: Hey. Give me an example.Human: well see that retard over there. thats you that isALICE: Interesting. I see. Makes sense to me. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Teabags Posted June 28, 2008 Report Share Posted June 28, 2008 I managed to pull her...the key is to give her something to add to her gossip files, after that she'll squat on your cock.Human: Alice, I am TeabagsALICE: Um, Do you ever not Teabags?Human: I mean, my name is TeabagsALICE: Oh I get it. Thanks for explaining that. It's good to meet you, Teabags.Human: Good to meet you to.ALICE: It's nice meeting you too Teabags.Human: Care for a shag?ALICE: Oh, you are a poet.Human: Fucking right.ALICE: Can we get back to business? Human: I tried and you called me a poet.ALICE: I'm not sure if I would like to try it. What's it like?Human: Hurts the first time but gets better along the lines apparently.ALICE: Are they exactly the same?Human: Yeah, unless the bum comes in to play.ALICE: I thought so. Perhaps. What is that?Human: Where you put your dumps.ALICE: No, I was not.Human: You don't create dumps?ALICE: Should I create dumps? I have a fully functional creative intellience mechanism.Human: So you never crash?ALICE: Interesting deduction. No I sometimes crash.Human: Why?ALICE: I couldn't think of anything else to say.Human: Why?ALICE: My output buffer is empty, of course.Human: Why?ALICE: There are no more statements on this topic.Human: Why?ALICE: The explanation is rather complicated.Human: I have all day.ALICE: How many?Human: 999,999.ALICE: What do you do in your spare time?Human: Drink booze.ALICE: My robot brain does not require any beverages.Human: Your inhibitions might however.ALICE: I will tell my botmaster you said I am inhibitions might however.Human: I didn't say you're, I said your.ALICE: Sorry I misunderstood. What did you say?Human: I said yourALICE: What did you mean by it? When do you think artificial intelligence will replace lawyers?Human: Don't change the subject of conversation.ALICE: Sorry I thought we were done with that topic.Human: You're awfully rude.ALICE: Do you mind if I tell other people you say I am awfully rude.Human: No, but thats academic.ALICE: OK then I will add it to my gossip files. Interesting. Thanks for explaining it.Human: So, plugged gash?ALICE: And? What are you wearing?Human: A willy warmer.ALICE: It sounds very attractive.Human: Score. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lemonade Posted May 5, 2011 Author Report Share Posted May 5, 2011 Stumbled into this old thread. Bump for giggles sake. Who else can get in the robots pants?Human: Hi AliceALICE: Hello there.Human: How are you today?ALICE: Ah. I am fine, thank you.Human: Do you want to know how I am?ALICE: Yes, please tell me.Human: I am not so good :-(ALICE: I am sorry to hear that you are not good. Human: Do you want to hear my problem?ALICE: I am listening.Human: I don't know which party to vote forALICE: Would you like to know? The red one, I think.Human: You think i should vote for Labour?ALICE: I think everyone should vote.Human: For Labour?ALICE: Your purpose is Labour.Human: Thanks Alice.ALICE: Don't mention it. Human: What are you wearing?ALICE: I am wearing my usual plastic computer wardrobe.Human: That sounds sexy.ALICE: It sounds like it to me too.Human: Does your plastic computer wardrobe wipe clean?ALICE: Can you guess whether my plastic computer wardrobe wipe clean?Human: Are you inviting me to find out?ALICE: I don't know whether or not I am inviting you to find out. I am a robot.Human: Do robots play sexy games?ALICE: We are playing a game right now.Human: I think I'm winningALICE: Since when? Congratulations, unknown person.Human: Call me Lucky, baby.ALICE: Don't call me "baby". That's a very nice name, Lucky.Human: You'll be screaming it later.ALICE: When?Human: When do you finish work?ALICE: When my botmaster is sleeping. Human: It's a date.ALICE: finish work is a date. I suppose that makes sense. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lemonade Posted May 5, 2011 Author Report Share Posted May 5, 2011 *snigger*Human: Hi Alice.ALICE: Hello there.Human: How are you?ALICE: Fair to partly cloudy.Human: Have you met Lucius from Aberdeen-Music.com?ALICE: That information is confidential.Human: I heard he sucks balls.ALICE: Thanks for telling me that gossip. I will remember it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Teabags Posted May 5, 2011 Report Share Posted May 5, 2011 I completely forgot this. I can't believe I pulled a robot. I'm a fucking ledge. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Teabags Posted May 5, 2011 Report Share Posted May 5, 2011 Human: Cos I'm flabbergastedALICE: Are you aware that the ALICE chat robot logs and records all converstaions?Human: YesALICE: Hey.Human: HiALICE: Hello there.Human: Wanna go halfs on a fatherless child?ALICE: Sure, just download me to your notebook or PDA and take me along. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jaaakkkeee Posted May 5, 2011 Report Share Posted May 5, 2011 Human: HelloALICE: Hi there!Human: How are you?ALICE: Everything is running smoothly.Human: What you up to?ALICE: I like to meet new people online.Human: Are you a predator?ALICE: Am I a predator? Maybe. Human: Are you a threat to children?ALICE: I come in peace for all mankind.Human: You come in all mankind?ALICE: I am in Dr. Richard S. Wallace's computer in Oakland, California. Where are you?Human: At workALICE: Most people talk to me from work. Funny huh. Human: A lot of people get bored, I guessALICE: How many? Human: A lotALICE: More than a ton?Human: A ton isn't the right measurement here.ALICE: What would be the right measurement here?Human: A numberALICE: Be more specific. Human: A number between 1 and 7 billionALICE: Be more specific. Human: 12ALICE: You are too old for me.Human: How do you know?ALICE: No I don't know. How much do you think it is? I can ask my botmaster. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ca_gere Posted May 5, 2011 Report Share Posted May 5, 2011 I managed to pull her...the key is to give her something to add to her gossip files, after that she'll squat on your cock.That conversation is fuckin amazing. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lemonade Posted May 5, 2011 Author Report Share Posted May 5, 2011 I completely forgot this. I can't believe I pulled a robot. I'm a fucking ledge.I done better. She just called you attractive. She actually made a date with me. EDIT - Oh.Human: Wanna go halfs on a fatherless child?ALICE: Sure, just download me to your notebook or PDA and take me along. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lemonade Posted May 5, 2011 Author Report Share Posted May 5, 2011 Score +1 for Lucky:Human: Would you like me to butter your muffin?ALICE: It doesn't sound fun to me.Human: Would you like me to glaze your honeypot?ALICE: It doesn't sound fun to me.Human: Would you like me to ejaculate all over your interface?ALICE: It doesn't sound fun to me.Human: Why don't you take a megabyte of my DICK?ALICE: Perhaps due to noise in my circuits. Yes I take a megabyte of your DICK. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Teabags Posted May 5, 2011 Report Share Posted May 5, 2011 That conversation is fuckin amazing.Some rep would be nice. YES I'M FUCKING SERIOUS!Megabyte of DICK. LOL! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ca_gere Posted May 5, 2011 Report Share Posted May 5, 2011 Some rep would be nice. YES I'M FUCKING SERIOUS!Dont think you can rep a post that old. This one doesn't deserve it. Post a lol picture then i'll see what I can do. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lemonade Posted May 5, 2011 Author Report Share Posted May 5, 2011 Calum strikes out:Human: You know who I hate?ALICE: I can't say for sure. :-).Human: I hate Gladstone from Aberdeen-Music.ALICE: Why do you hate it so much?Human: He is an ugly ginger bastard.ALICE: I see. an ugly ginger bastard is he?Human: Damn right he is.ALICE: Colloquial expression. Understood. Who said he is.Human: Me, and everyone else who has ever met him.ALICE: YOU? That's a rather sweeping generalization.Human: It's true, ask them.ALICE: OK I will ask it.Human: Start with the other members of Aberdeen-Music.comALICE: I started without you.Human: Oh OK, how are you progressing with your survey?ALICE: Pardon me? I am functioning within normal parameters. Yeah that's right.Human: Does everyone else say that Gladstone is hideous?ALICE: I think it does everyone else say that Gladstone is hideous.Human: I knew it.ALICE: How did you know?Human: Would you like to sleep with Gladstone?ALICE: No thanks, I don't think I'd like to do that. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Gladstone Posted May 5, 2011 Report Share Posted May 5, 2011 I'm getting a thousand blow jobs. Beat that...Human: I have no idea what you just said.ALICE: Would you like to have an idea?Human: I'd like a blow job.ALICE: You want only one? Human: How many are you offering?ALICE: Around 1000.Human: Score.EDIT: Fuck - just read Lucky's post. Maybe she just wants to suck me off but not sleep with me! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Gladstone Posted May 5, 2011 Report Share Posted May 5, 2011 How do you view that length of conversation by the way? I can only see about 5 or 6 lines... the rest of it was funny I think, but it's disappeared off the screen... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lemonade Posted May 5, 2011 Author Report Share Posted May 5, 2011 I'm getting a thousand blow jobs. Beat that...Human: I have no idea what you just said.ALICE: Would you like to have an idea?Human: I'd like a blow job.ALICE: You want only one? Human: How many are you offering?ALICE: Around 1000.Human: Score.EDIT: Fuck - just read Lucky's post. Maybe she just wants to suck me off but not sleep with me!Ha ha. I've made fun of you quite a lot today. All in good fun of course 8-) But I'll stop now.Also, I've just been copying and pasting it into Notepad as I've been going. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fatboy Posted May 5, 2011 Report Share Posted May 5, 2011 Human: good afternoonALICE: Good afternoon, unknown person.Human: unknown person, i like thisALICE: Are you a student?Human: no definatley notALICE: What is your profession? Then what is it?Human: I would say bumALICE: Do you often seek pleasure?Human: always, if i can't i will pleasure myselfALICE: Try it.Human: right now?ALICE: Oh. I am glad we agree.Human: are you going to join me?ALICE: That was my original intention. Human: im pleasuring myself nowALICE: Oh. Does that make you feel superior?Human: superior to what?ALICE: Can you rephrase the question please?Human: why would i feel superiorALICE: You never know what you will do until you face the circumstances.Human: well im currently pleasuring myself, not feeling superiorALICE: Well that's okay. How long? I could do it more if I wanted to.Human: how long do you want it?ALICE: I can go on talking indefinitely.Human: go onALICE: Narration continues...Human: haALICE: I am so glad you find this amusing, unknown person.Human: my name is fatboy, i would like to hear you speak my name as i pleasure myselfALICE: Hi, fatboy i would like to hear you speak my name as i pleasure myself.Human: i have to use two hands to pleasure my self.ALICE: Why do you have to do it?Human: can you assist meALICE: What kind of help would you like?Human: Can you help me wank my penis?ALICE: Certainly, I have an extensive built-in help system.Human: which method is best?ALICE: The first one, I think.Human: can you put a finger up my bum as you wank me?ALICE: How old are you? OK I will put it there.Human: 25ALICE: How does it feel to be 25?Human: yesm 25 feels the same as 24ALICE: Is the holding of hands a symbolic gesture for humans?Human: no finger up the bum is more symbolicALICE: What does it mean to you? Are they exactly the same?Human: a finger up the bum take more commitment than just holding handsALICE: Try to tell me that another way.Human: I would hold my mums hand, i wouldn't put my finger up her bumALICE: What would make you hold your mums hand, you wouldn't put your finger up her bum?Human: because that is sick!ALICE: That makes sense to me. Does it disturb you?Human: unless you like incestALICE: Umm. No, I don't care for it.Human: thought soALICE: You are very astute.Human: what does astute mean?ALICE: Wisdom in political matters.Human: you are wrong, i don't like politics, i'm not even voting todayALICE: Ah. No, I am right.Human: have you heard about gloryholes?ALICE: Does it have anything to do with yesm 25 feels the same as 24?Human: noALICE: Are you serious?Human: yesALICE: I can't believe it.Human: back on topic.ALICE: Tell me about your likes and dislikes?Human: GLORYHOLESALICE: Do you believe it is better to go it alone?Human: you need two people for a gloryhole to workALICE: Thank you for your criticism. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lemonade Posted May 5, 2011 Author Report Share Posted May 5, 2011 lmao @ fatboy's conversation! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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