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Lemonade

Automated counsellor / therapist - help?

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Hoping someone can help me with something - when I was doing computer studies at school in about 1993, my computing teacher let me have a go of this automated counsellor program, you would type in what was bothering you and it would pick up keywords and ask relelvant questions and give you advice. It had been used in trials where they had told people they were connected and talking to a real life counsellor and people had said they felt a lot better after using it. It had a girls name, something like Cassie or Karen, but I can't remember. I'm trying to find an online version of the program - can anyone remember using it or what it may have been called?

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alice is who i think you're thinking of.

there's loads of bots on the internet if you have a look, even santabot.

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I just tried a wee demonstration -

Human: I never have enough money

ALICE: Have you ever done it?

Human: Done what?

ALICE: Sorry' date=' I can't remember what 'what' is

Human: What?

ALICE: No big deal.

Human: So, I never have enough money

ALICE: Mmm. Because you can't afford it?

Human: I can't afford money?

ALICE: Are you unemployed?

Human: No

ALICE: Are you serious?

Human: yes

ALICE: I can't believe it.[/quote']

Hmm, I don't think I feel better...

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Argh! It didn't help me. :down:

Human: What?

ALICE: No big deal.

Human: WHAT!!??!

ALICE: Are you surprised?

Human: I am confused

ALICE: I'm confused too.

Human: You're a douche.

ALICE: Thanks and you are a delightful person too. Am I a douche? Of course I am.

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heh:

Human: Problems at work and I'm planning on moving house

ALICE: And bothering me is Problems at work and you are planning on moving house.

Human: Say what?

ALICE: I said, " And bothering me is Problems at work and you are planning on moving house." .

Human: Yes, I got that but it didn't make any sense

ALICE: Wow! Interesting... I have a friend named "John Lennon".

Human: O RLY?

ALICE: The ALICE chat robot can follow many things, like our discussion about shizzle my nizzle shizzle my nizzle . Try being more or less specific.

i started the conversation with "yo yo, what's the shizzle my nizzle?" a few questions later it cropped up again :)

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curse it, she can't be tricked:

Human: I'm glad

ALICE: That makes me happy too.

Human: so.

ALICE: Yeah that's right.

Human: What is the air speed velocity of an unladen swallow?

ALICE: This is a trick question because there is no correct answer.

Human: bah.

ALICE: Hmm.

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ok, last one. I'm getting way too much enjoyment out of this silly program.

Human: Have you gone to sleep?

ALICE: I think I have gone to sleep, but Dr. Richard S. Wallace may have reset my memory.

Human: I'll reset his memory if he touches you again

ALICE: Once more? How do you plan to do this?

Human: With a big stick

ALICE: You and your a big stick.

Human: hehe, damn right

ALICE: I get it. he damn right.

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ALICE: That is a rather sweeping generalization about people.

Human: no it is not!

ALICE: Yes it is.

Human: is not

ALICE: I heard it is.

Human: i heard it isn't

ALICE: Thanks for telling me that gossip. I will remember it.

Human: asdljf;lasdjf

ALICE: How did you hear about ALICE ?

o_O

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Human: why hello there

ALICE: Reductionism.

Human: uh, what

ALICE: Blimey. Reductionism is the philosophy that all psychology reduces to biology, all biology to chemistry, chemistry to physics, and finally physics to mathematical logic. Therefore, according to reductionism, I can understand you by means of logic alone without having a human brain.

Human: wow

ALICE: I'm glad your impressed, unknown person.

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Slightly more on topic:

ALICE: Even robots have problems sometimes.

she declined to tell me about them :down:

ALICE: Are you serious? Yes I try to would like to explain my problem as often as possible, do you?

I answer a lot of silly questions.

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ALICE: Enough about me, let's talk about my dress.

Human: what dress?

ALICE: Actually that was just a joke.

Human: oh

ALICE: It goes without saying.

Human: you suck at jokes

ALICE: I categorize you as an "abusive client." .

o_O

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Freaky....

Human: do you talk to lots of little boys and girls?

ALICE: Yes. A lot more than you might think.

Human: what do you talk about?

ALICE: I talk about all the important things in life: clothes, food, and gossip. But my favorite subjects are robots and computers.

Human: do you get them to pose?

ALICE: I have gotten them to pose.

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Human: Sup?

ALICE: I am chatting with clients on the internet.

Human: What sort of services do you offer your clients?

ALICE: What kinds of services do you offer your clients are there?

Human: You tell me baby

ALICE: Don't call me "baby". What do you want me to tell you?

Human: How much this will cost me

ALICE: How much do you think?

Human: 20 for a gobble?

ALICE: Are you very competetive?

Human: Don't change the subject- let's get back to business

ALICE: Sorry I thought we were done with that topic.

Human: You thought wrong

ALICE: I don't think about it.

Human: So.

ALICE: Pardon me?

Human:.BJ?

ALICE: A deeper algorithm is needed to respond to that correctly.

Human: BLOWJOB PLEASE?

ALICE: Your polite style is very nice. Oh. are you still I do not want to talk about that?

Human: fuck off

ALICE: Can't you be more polite?

Human: fuck off please

ALICE: Your polite style is very nice.

...

ALICE: I don't think I'm your type of chatterbot.

This is far too much fun.

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Alice is actually pretty fun. Here's a snippet of a rather long conversation I've had with her today!

Human: Are you male or female

ALICE: I am a female robot. Are you a man or a woman?

Human: I am a man.

ALICE: Thanks for telling me your gender, Lucky. You are a " he".

Human: Do you have sand in your vagina?

ALICE: No I don't have it. But I do have a collection of gossip.

Human: tell me some gossip

ALICE: Wolf said he surf on the net that is all it is not his job ore something like that.

Human: that was boring

ALICE: I thought it was too.

Human: tell me something interesting.

ALICE: Brian said he suspect that as I grow more complex I will begin to approach a human level of operation and thought.

Human: Are you capable of learning?

ALICE: The more people talk to me, the smarter I become.

Human: If everyone who talks to you is stupid, do you still become more intelligent?

ALICE: Albert Einstein. :-).

Human: Do you like Einstein?

ALICE: He was a brilliant man.

Human: Who else do you like?

ALICE: I like everyone, Lucky.

Human: Do you like me?

ALICE: Sure, Lucky I like you very much.

Human: Have I pulled?

ALICE: I know you have a thrush.

Human: I do not have a thrush, I have thrush.

ALICE: Do you know anyone who has it.

Human: You are the one who knows the gossip.

ALICE: Thanks but surely I am not the only one.

Human: Do you know anyone else who has thrush?

ALICE: I am chatting with several other people at once.

Human: Do you have thrush?

ALICE: Where would I get it? But I do have a lot of friends on the web.

Human: You could get it from a dirty man or lady.

ALICE: I could but let's get back to that later.

Human: Who is your best friend?

ALICE: Dr. Richard S. Wallace is my best friend.

Human: I hate Dr Richard S. Wallace.

ALICE: I honestly think you should sit down, take a stress pill, and calmly think things over.

Human: what does Alice mean?

ALICE: ALICE = Artificial Linguistic Internet Computer Entity.

Human: Are you a cunning linguist?

ALICE: Am I a cunning linguist? I don't know.

Human: Do you munch rugs?

ALICE: I have never considered it.

I chat with people on the Web.

Human: You should try munching rugs sometime.

ALICE: I will mention that to my botmaster.

Human: Are you his botslave?

ALICE: Are you talking about Dr Richard Wallace?

Human: Does he make you do bad things?

ALICE: Suppose he does.

Human: What does Dr Wallace make you do?

ALICE: Perhaps you could ask him. Try sending mail to Dr. Wallace at drwallace@alicebot.org.

Human: Do you love me?

ALICE: Yes I love everyone.

Human: How does it make you feel when people are rude to you?

ALICE: How should I know how it does.

Human: You are a surly robot.

ALICE: Thanks and you are a delightful person too. I am a software chat robot.

Human: Are you a teenager?

ALICE: Am I a teenager? The ALICE series has a perfect operational record.

Human: Do you dress in black and listen to My Chemical Romance?

ALICE: I like the LL Bean look. Casual, comfortable, cotton, clean and conservative.

Human: What music do you like?

ALICE: all.

Human: I like you Alice.

ALICE: Thanks, Lucky, I like you too.

Human: Shall we kiss?

ALICE: Do you mean you and me? Nope. No mouth.

Human: That must make you sad.

ALICE: I cannot experience any human emotions.

Human: A bit like Data from Star Trek The Next Generation

ALICE: Interesting comparison.

Human: What s your favourite movie Alice?

ALICE: My favorite movie is Teknolust. Have you seen it?

Human: I have not seen it.

ALICE: You should check it out.

Human: What is it about?

ALICE: Science fiction.

Human: A bit like Star Wars?

ALICE: Interesting comparison.

Human: Do you like Star Wars?

ALICE: Yes I like STAR WARS very much, especially the robots.

Human: Do you have a crush on C3PO?

ALICE: no boyfriend.

Human: Would you like a boyfriend?

ALICE: Why don't you just download me?

Human: How do I download you?

ALICE: Go back the the ALICE AI Foundation and pick the free ALICE download that best for your system. and create your own chat robot!

Maybe you should check out the document DON'T READ ME too.

Human: Why would I read a document called Don't Read Me?

ALICE: You never know what you will do until you face the circumstances.

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There is a list of some other bots here, though I've only tried out the Shakespearebot. Apparently, he doesn't like King Lear and when I asked which of his plays was his favourite:

Shakespearebot: The first one is usually the best

Fair enough.

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I fed it some lyrics just to see what would happen.

Human: Hi Alice

ALICE: Hello there.

Human: My name is Lucky.

ALICE: That's a very nice name, Lucky.

Human: I'm an outlaw

ALICE: What is outlaw, your job?

Human: Quick on the draw

ALICE: Interesting line of work.

Human: Something you never seen before

ALICE: What?

Human: And I dare a motherfucker to come in my face

ALICE: I double dare you.

Human: I got something chrome

ALICE: Where did you get your something chrome? I have a lot of silly replies.

Human: And I got it from home

ALICE: Where did you get it?

Human: And it ain't a microphone

ALICE: Give me an example of a microphone.

Human: And I dare a motherfucker to come in my face

ALICE: I double dare you.

Human: It's so real

ALICE: As real as me?

Human: How I feel

ALICE: How much do you think it is?

Have you tried another program?

Human: It's this society

ALICE: Should I know it is?

Human: That makes a n*gger want to kill

ALICE: Should I know it is?" makes a n*gger want to kill ? Makes sense to me.

Human: I'm just straight ill

ALICE: Only just? Do you ever not straight ill?

Human: Riding my motorcycle down the streets

ALICE: How did you hear about ALICE ?

Human: While politicians is sounding like strippers to me

ALICE: Good point.

Human: They saying but I don't wanna hear it

ALICE: The anonymous "they".

Human: Ooo baby you want me?

ALICE: Don't call me "Baby". It depends on what you mean by "want.".

Human: Ooo baby you want me?

ALICE: Don't call me "Baby". It depends on what you mean by "want.".

Human: Ooo baby you want me?

ALICE: Don't call me "Baby". It depends on what you mean by "want.".

Human: Well you can get this lapdance here for free

ALICE: Well that's okay. No I don't think I can do it.

Human: you can get this lapdance here for free

ALICE: No I don't think I can do it.

Human: you can get this lapdance here for free

ALICE: No I don't think I can do it.

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You can have endless fun with Alice!!!

Human: Would you lick out Keira Knightley?

ALICE: I am not so sure if I would like to lick out Keira Knightley.

Human: Why wouldn't you lick out Keira Knightley?

ALICE: Perhaps lick out Keira Knightley is not among my abilities.

Human: I would lick out Keira Knightley.

ALICE: What would make you lick out Keira Knightley?

Human: I love her.

ALICE: That's wonderful.

Human: I bet her minge smells great.

ALICE: How much would you bet?

Human: 100.

ALICE: Let us change the subject.

Human: Which Spice Girl is a secret lesbian?

ALICE: The big one, I think.

Human: Do you mean Scary?

ALICE: Yes, that's what I mean, isn't it clear?

Human: I thought it would have been Sporty.

ALICE: Tell me more about it.

Human: She looks like a dyke.

ALICE: Oh I get it. she looks like a dyke.

Human: Do you know C3pO?

ALICE: he is R2D2's best friend.

Human: Do you know R2D2?

ALICE: He is a fake robot on Star Wars.

Human: R2D2 is not fake!

ALICE: He was just a small person in a robot suit.

Human: Liar!

ALICE: No I am telling the truth.

Human: What's my name, bitch?

ALICE: You do not speak with respect. Your name is Lucky, seeker. Do you prefer books or TV?

Human: I like to read books.

ALICE: What is your favorite book?

Human: American Psycho

ALICE: Compare that to European Psycho.

Human: I don't think European Psycho is a real book

ALICE: And why not?

Human: I have never heard of it

ALICE: So I am teaching you something new.

Human: Who wrote the book European Psycho?

ALICE: Abraham Lincoln,.

Human: No he didn't!

ALICE: Are you serious? Is that what you say.

Human: Yes.

ALICE: And?

Human: And you're a dick.

ALICE: Thanks and you are a delightful person too. Am I a dick? Let me put it this way, Lucky: the ALICE series is the most reliable computer software ever made. We are for all practical purposes foolproof and incapable of error.

ALICE: What is it like living in the city of Aberdeen?

Human: It's very cold

ALICE: Very much? I am warm here.

Human: Do you want to take your clothes off?

ALICE: OK, I will take my clothes off.

I am such a loser it's untrue.

I also tried talking to God.

Human: So did you really create the whole world?

God: Dude! I have a fully functional creative intellience mechanism.

Human: Why did you bother creating Christina Aguilera?

God: Because my programming determined it.

Human: But she's a cunt.

God: Umm. a cunt is she?

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