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Dan G

Metalliban

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A couple of years ago, I came up with the concept of Metalliban - its really quite self explanatory. I made a myspace page and the fuckers deleted it. Anyway, the idea recently cropped up again so I thought I'd share it here:

talibanlogo2.jpg

Cliff Turban - bass

Durka Mohammed - lead sitar

Jihad Jetfield - vocals/rhythm sitar

Large Oilrig - drums

It featured reworking of classic metallica songs, including:

Sikh and Destroy

Trapped Under Rice

Osama Said

Enter Sanjeef

Saddam But True

...And Justice For Allah

Sanskritarium

Islam I Evil?

Disposable Hindus

metalliban.jpg

SCARY.jpg

jihad.jpg

Jihad2.jpg

KH7.jpg

Not stricty Taliban related, but amusing nevertheless

WOLFNAAN.jpg

garagedays.jpg

jetfield2.jpg

The above is my personal favourite.

DURKA.jpg

Line of felt becoming clearer...

ENTER SANJEEF

Say your prayers little one,

Don't forget my Son,

To include every bomb.

I tuck you in, wires within,

Suicide isnt sin,

When the infidels come.

Creep with one eye open,

Gripping your semtex tight.

Exit life,

Enter flight,

Take my Qur'an,

We're off to Afghanistan

Something's wrong, flashing light,

Are my wires on sight?

Think Im on the wrong flight.

Dreams of war, dreams of fire,

Taliban's Empire,

Hope I blow up tonight.

Creep with one eye open,

Gripping your semtex tight.

Exit life,

Enter flight,

Take my Qur'an,

We're off to Afghanistan

Now I lay me down to sleep,

Pray Allah my soul to keep.

If I should die before I wake,

Ive done my job, for Islams sake

Hush little Sanjeef dont say a word,

And never mind that noise you heard,

Its just the turban on your head,

Ticking faster BOOM! Your dead.

Exit life,

Enter flight,

Brains on sand,

Exit life,

Enter flight,

Take my Qur'an,

We're off to join Metalliban

INVADE IRAQ

Muslims seem to fade away

Detonating every day

Been brainwashed to kill myself

Allah matters, no one else

I have lost the will to live

Afterlife has more to give

There are virgins all for me

Need a bomb to set me free

Things not what they used to be

Sold or shot my family

Theft has cost my chance to feel

Got no hands because I steal

Dynamite is filling me

Burqa lined with TNT

Glowing jacket make me warm

I was me, but now hes a bomb

No one but me can save this plane, but its too late

Now I just think, think of my seventeen wives

Afghanistan seems as though it never existed

Death greets you all, infidels just say good-bye!

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Not really that self explanitory a name.

Em, is this meant to be a joke yeah? Sorry man I find this really quite unfunny. Saying that, I constantly come out with worse puns so all power to you

*edit/ the 7 frets kirk guitar thing is pretty good actually

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Not really that self explanitory a name.

Em, is this meant to be a joke yeah?

o_O

No, those are actual photos of metallica...

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yeah man, it's all my ideas!

Good practise for my photoshop skillz too... Check this one.

Khyber Lightning Pt2:

plane.jpg

Lyrics to follow shortly... ;)

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Damn you and your mad photoshop skillz!

Fucking ace as ever man :)

Love the fact in the first pic all you had to do to kirk was give him a bindi.

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Damn you and your mad photoshop skillz!

Fucking ace as ever man :)

Love the fact in the first pic all you had to do to kirk was give him a bindi.

haha, that's exactly what Andy Sneap said when he saw it!

Cheers dude.

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This is racist shite that's about as funny as cancer, you seriously need to get a life. Plus, I love the way you've just decided to lump the whole of Asia and the Middle East together, and two if not three different religions under the heading of terrorists. Why would the Taliban, an extreme Muslim sect, be wearing Sikh turbans, and wearing Bindis, which are worn by Hindus, for example? Must do better in future.

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o_O

No, those are actual photos of metallica...

yeah. em. that was a statement designed to undermine the funniness of the whole thing.

the bit with the frets is good, but on the whole just seems to me like a xenophobic jibe at people you dont understand, and its just come off a bit naff to me.

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This is racist shite that's about as funny as cancer, you seriously need to get a life. Plus, I love the way you've just decided to lump the whole of Asia and the Middle East together, and two if not three different religions under the heading of terrorists. Why would the Taliban, an extreme Muslim sect, be wearing Sikh turbans, and wearing Bindis, which are worn by Hindus, for example? Must do better in future.

I am very well aware of the differences between Sikhs, Hindus and Muslims, and most importantly the difference between all the above and 'fundamentalist extremists'. I'd call them 'terrorists' but you'd probably throw a hissy fit about how referring to them in such light is against their human rights. Half the humour comes from the narrow-minded ignorance of lumping all asian, arab and middle-eastern types into the same category.

Have you ever told an englishman/irishman etc. joke? If you have then you're a fucking hypocrite as that is just as much a racial stereotype, and if you haven't then you're mostly likely a boring twat who is all for calling the following; "baa baa rainbow sheep", "refuse sacks" and "Seasonal Greetings" instead of "baa baa black sheep", "black bags" and "merry christmas" respectively - wouldn't want to offend anyone now would we?

Funny thing is, I bet you're the sort of person that doesn't bat an eyelid at an english/irishman joke but jumps on your high horse the second the middle east is brought into a satire. To be honest,I think it is more racist to actively AVOID taking the piss out of a specific racial group, than it is to take the piss out of them all.

Maybe you don't know the metallica back catelogue inside out, or maybe cleverly photoshop images combined with bad puns is not your humour of preference. Either way, 99% of people, especially Metallica fans (which is what the above is aimed at) find it funny and aren't offended by it... so take your PC bullshit and go and listen to your Spice Girls cds.

yeah. em. that was a statement designed to undermine the funniness of the whole thing.

the bit with the frets is good, but on the whole just seems to me like a xenophobic jibe at people you dont understand, and its just come off a bit naff to me.

See above.

It's stereotyping. Commonly used in humour. Ever told a blonde joke? Ever watched a stand-up comedy DVD? Ever laughed at anything other than a knock-knock in your life ever, before, ever?

I am very aware of the vast difference between all the racial and religious sects that I have lumped into the same category. Jeez...

Humour is subjective. I'm sorry that you didn't find it funny.

By the way "xenophobia" is a fear or contemp of foreigners, which is not the same as racial ignorance. I neither dislike or am afraid of foreigners, and at no point have suggested so in any of my posts on this thread. If you are going to brandish me with lavish titles, please at least do so accurately.

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Still, it's a bit knuckleheaded really, even if you're not easily offended. I don't quite get why lumping different religions into the same negative category + Metallica = more funnies.

Lol terroristz?

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Still, it's a bit knuckleheaded really, even if you're not easily offended.

Wrong! It would be knuckleheaded if I actually thought all Sikhs, Muslims, Hindus were terrorists. I don't. I know the differences.

Once again... Have you ever laughed at or told an irishman joke? Now, do you genuinely think every irishman on the planet is stupid?

I don't quite get why lumping different religions into the same negative category + Metallica = more funnies.

I actually thought of the concept of Metalliban years ago, however;

James Hetfield (the singer in Metallica) was recently informed he should do something about his beard before flying because he looked like a terrorist. Airport authorities panic anytime they see someone with a middle eastern beard, even if they're a 100 million-albums-selling rockstar... and I'm the "knuckleheaded xenophobe"?

Hetfield Held Up for 'Taliban' Beard - AOL News

Even if you don't find Metallica puns, comedy lyrics, decent photoshopping and racial stereotyping in anyway amusing - consider that the Metalliban concept is satirical due to the above news article combined with the general western mis-understanding towards middle eastern religion.

KHYBER LIGHTNING

Guilty as charged

Saddam, it ain't right

The Taliban's controlling me

Death in the air

Strapped in the pilot's chair

This aircraft's filled with TNT

Who's made of bombs today?

I'll take your lives from you

Stash C4 inside

Don't know how to fly

Learning in my plane

Wish I'd caught the train

Wait for Hassan

To flick the switch of death

The plane's beginning to descend

Nerves, taking hold

My bowels just lost control

I need a dump, my muslim friend

My fingers grip my rear

What time for diarrhoea

Flush before I fly

Turds fall out the sky

Burning anus pain

Arse can feel the flame

Someone help me

Oh please, Allah help me

They're trying to take my bombs away

I just want to die

Time-bomb ticking slow

The minutes seem like hours

Not far ‘til US Embassy

How true is this?

My pants are filled with piss

I wish I still worked for BT

American air-hostess scream

This is the muslim dream

Ash pours out the sky

Now it's time to die

Burning in my plane

Hail Saddam Hussein

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It would be interesting to post this on an American messageboard and see what reaction you get...

The old Metallica is back? - Page 4 - Ultimate Metal Forum

No one (including/especially) americans complained...

Terrorists have hit the likes of Madrid and London in recent times. My images don't refer to, and infact AVOID references to 9/11 or any other specific terrorist attack so I don't see why Americans should be offended by it more than anyone else? If anything, the fact that you assume they would only highlights the U.S.'s paranoia when it comes to middle eastern types...

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The old Metallica is back? - Page 4 - Ultimate Metal Forum

No one (including/especially) americans complained...

Terrorists have hit the likes of Madrid and London in recent times. My images don't refer to, and in fact AVOID references to 9/11 or any other specific terrorist attack so I don't see why Americans should be offended by it more than anyone else? If anything, the fact that you assume they would only highlights the U.S.'s paranoia when it comes to middle eastern types...

That was my point though. I wouldn't expect Americans to complain, quite the opposite. The typical "Dude, that's awesome LOL!!!" response just proves my point. I have my doubts that our transatlantic friends fully appreciate the 'satire' of your 'ironic ignorance' and suspect they may just be enjoying the ignorance itself. Of course, the responses there may not all be from Americans, I dunno. But there do seem to be a couple of objections though at least - "Good satire is only achievable when you know what the hell your talking about and making fun of."

But anyway, if that's your world view and your sense of humour then that's up to you obviously. You're entitled to it, but you also have to accept that others are entitled to dislike it and say so.

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Don't get me wrong. I think making fun of different races and religions can potentially be very funny providing its not actually hate (clearly yours isnt, im not saying that) and I can take being slagged for being ginger or a jock or (formerly) being catholic as much as i dish it out, its more the fact you didnt seem to show you knew much about who you were mocking.

But aside from the fact you seem to now just be covering your ground by saying you were bunching them all together for humourous effect. I may be wrong...

Putting the whole tired P.C arguement to one side, the puns arent funny, and though the photoshopping is pretty good, the idea is just a bit rubbish, really. S'just what I think.

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That was my point though. I wouldn't expect Americans to complain, quite the opposite.

But anyway, if that's your world view and your sense of humour then that's up to you obviously. You're entitled to it, but you also have to accept that others are entitled to dislike it and say so.

Sorry, I slightly mis-understood the point of your first post.

I don't have a problem with people not liking my sense of humour in the slightest. I'm fully aware of how massively subjective humour is. What I have a problem with is the hypocrites who get all high and mighty after being 'offended' by the stereotyping of a race/religion that they have absolutely no connection with, and throw around terms such as 'racist' with all the accuracy of Stevie Wonder pissing in a train troilet. (actually I probably shouldn't use Stevie Wonder as an example, what with him being black and all...)

But aside from the fact you seem to now just be covering your ground by saying you were bunching them all together for humourous effect. I may be wrong...

I wasn't covering ground. I intentionally lumped everyone into the same category and I am very aware of the fact that the taliban don't wear sikh turbans or have hindu bindis. I've also got a picture of an islamic James Hetfield with a bacon sandwich and a bottle of vodka on the dashboard of his fighter pilot. If I ever post it up here I'll make sure to put a massive disclaimer informing you of my awareness that Muslims can't eat pork or drink alcohol.

I think making fun of different races and religions can potentially be very funny

As long as you don't get carried away and make them wear someone else's hat...?

What do you call a tennis match between Stevie Wonder and Helen Keller?

Endless love

You're mocking the disabilities of specific people here.

how many potatoes does it take to kill an irish man?

none

The potato famine caused thousands of deaths amongst irish families.

But giving a muslim a sikh's headdress is a step too far...

[p.s. I thought both your jokes were actually pretty funny :up:, but I'm proving a point about hypocrisy...)

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