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If you won the Lottery....


The Sloth

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I'd take all of closest mates for 2 weeks all expenses paid holiday to Ibiza.

Then I'd go to Thailand on my own, live it up and give some of the locals enough money for life. Then I'd meet everyone in that Koh Phugnan 'Full Moon Party'' for new year.

I'd give a hell of a lot to my ma and papperz, then some more to the extended and the further extended lot.

I'd pay all my mates though Uni.

I'd buy myself some decent flats in London, Melbourne and Glasgow. Oh aye, and Dundee.

Then I would save up and build one fucking ace dental surgery, with an awesome fish tank.

And the rest would go in my bank, with me living off the interest for the rest of my life.

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Guest Jake Wifebeater
I was on a rant in the office about schemie names when someone mentioned it. Poor kid

There seem to be a lot of Gemma's, Leanne's, Natalie's and Natasha's around these days. Wouldn't scuttle anyone with those names on principle.

On topic, I'd probably buy a house, blooter however much it took to get everything by every band I'm into and see what I'm left with.

It'd be a double-edged sword, though. You couldn't trust anyone and you could never be sure someone liked you for who you are. You'd always have a sneaky feeling they're only out to fleece you. So, on balance I'm happy enough as things are. At least I don't have to worry about gold-diggers...

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Guest Jake Wifebeater
"Hog" is not a correct fucking name, but you don't hear me moaning about it. ;)

He's not properly bald either, and you always hear him moaning about it.

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I'd use the remainder to build up a portfolio of properties and sustainable businesses, draw a modest salary from them and use the rest of the profits to provide health and education facilities for victims of civil war and famine in Africa. I'd keep my job.

...and perhaps a new set of chisels for Geppetto?

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Guest Steven Dedalus
Are you the guy that rubs baby oil on the models before Playboy shoots?

That's the best thing I've heard today.

Although I've only been up for about 40 minutes, so that's not really as impressive as I thought it was.

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Guest DustyDeviada
He's not properly bald either, and you always hear him moaning about it.

It's a cunning strategy to divert attention away from the fact that he's pretty much a ginger.

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Guest Jake Wifebeater
It's a cunning strategy to divert attention away from the fact that he's pretty much a ginger.

Was telling him last night he's a dead ringer for the wrestler Bob Backlund. Clueless me doesn't know how to put up a pic, can some clever bugger oblige to prove me right?

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