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crap things about The Lemon Tree


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phoning them at 5 pm and being told doors will be open at 9pm, standing in the cold till 2106 without an apology.

I have had to stand in the cold and rain outside The Lemon Tree once too often, it really is shit after having to wait for the busses which are equally inept at sticking to their schedules. Whilst standing around shivering I had the entertainment laid on by two neds shagging in the back of the bus which had just stopped outside the front door.

The super stinky chemicals they use in the brochure are horrendous.

I couldn't help noticing TV21 were also 6 minutes late on stage, but well worth waiting for, but those vents in the ceiling pouring out cold air up the back and at the bar put an end to my enjoyment of The Undertones, my feet were frozen so I went to another pub to get warmed up.

Having to stand all night is shite tae, a few seats up the back would be appreciated, if it wasn't so bloody cold, mind you the seats were very uncomfortable so it's nae big loss.

The price of tickets is getting out of hand too.

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Hmm, I was working behind the bar on saturday and I'm sure we opened on time. If the doors opened late it was only by 5 minutes because half of our staff hadn't shown up. I know that's not your problem but I'm just letting you know. I think the reason you were probably outside for a while was because the door staff have to ID folk and take tickets, all of which takes time. plus I have to say that anyone who queues outside on a night like Saturday gets no sympathy from me at all, it makes no difference to where you'll end up standing for the gig.

The AirCon was pre emptive because on sold out nights (like Saturday) it gets appallingly hot and can in some cases fuck up the cooler for beer. All you have to do is ask a member of staff to turn it down and we will and if we don't it's for your own good, unless you like lager which is 75% foam and takes 5 minutes to pour.

There are usually seats in the back unless the gig is sold out, in which case it's assumed that people are there for the music and not for a seat. You wouldn't be able to see the stage sitting anyway.

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Hmmm yes......every time a gig is there i ssssssigh.

Such a dull place. SOME (not all) of the staff (more those beyond the bar) are pretty rude, far too defensive and petty over tiny things. Power goes to some folk's heads which is pitiful. The place should be vibrant and laid back...and this IS possible without being overly regimented about too many things..... Lighten up!

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Hmmm, not a great attitude to have with the paying public.

Hmm, I was working behind the bar on saturday and I'm sure we opened on time. NO YOU NEVER.

If the doors opened late it was only by 5 minutes because half of our staff hadn't shown up. I know that's not your problem but I'm just letting you know. THIS WAS MY PROBLEM, HENCE THE POST.

I think the reason you were probably outside for a while was because the door staff have to ID folk and take tickets, NO, UNTRUE, I WAS FIRST IN THE QUEUE.

all of which takes time. plus I have to say that anyone who queues outside on a night like Saturday gets no sympathy from me at all, it makes no difference to where you'll end up standing for the gig. NO SYMPATHY FOR THE PAYING PUBLIC? OH DEAR.

The AirCon was pre emptive because on sold out nights (like Saturday) it gets appallingly hot and can in some cases fuck up the cooler for beer. All you have to do is ask a member of staff to turn it down and we will and if we don't it's for your own good, unless you like lager which is 75% foam and takes 5 minutes to pour. TALK TO DRUMMONDS, THE MOORINGS, MOSHULU AND THE TUNNELS, THEY KNOW HOW TO GET IT RIGHT.

There are usually seats in the back unless the gig is sold out, in which case it's assumed that people are there for the music and not for a seat. You wouldn't be able to see the stage sitting anyway.

YES I WAS THERE FOR THE MUSIC, AND I HAVE SAT BESIDE THE DJ BOOTH AND ENJOYED MANY FINE GIGS. MY REASON FOR SHOWING UP EARLY WAS TO GET A SEAT AS I HAVE BACK PROBLEMS AND CAN NOT STAND FOR LONG PERIODS, BEING MADE TO STAND IN THE COLD, ( AFTER PREVIOUSLY HIGHLIGHTING THIS PROBLEM ON SEVERAL OCCASIONS ) IS PRETTY CRAP REALLY, AND SHOWS A LACK OF RESPECT FOR PUNTERS LIKE ME WHO REGULARLY ATTEND GIGS.
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oops didn't mean the BAR staff were rude....just certain others beyond that area. ie. not working at the bar...though haven't been there for a couple of months so that may have changed too.....Box office hours are useless too at times.

Sorry to hear you aren't liking the place. Not sure about your point about the Box Office opening though - the opening times are the same pretty much through-out the year, so either they are useless or they aren't, but can't see how they are useless "at times". What would be your ideal opening hours?

As Singing Star Fish says you can book on-line now, and most of the shows are available to buy through Ticket Master outlets.

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Sorry to hear you aren't liking the place. Not sure about your point about the Box Office opening though - the opening times are the same pretty much through-out the year, so either they are useless or they aren't, but can't see how they are useless "at times". What would be your ideal opening hours?

As Singing Star Fish says you can book on-line now, and most of the shows are available to buy through Ticket Master outlets.

There have been numerous times where I've called the Lemon Tree box office (during the supposed hours) to be met with an answering machine. I guess that could qualify as 'useless at times' ?

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YES I WAS THERE FOR THE MUSIC, AND I HAVE SAT BESIDE THE DJ BOOTH AND ENJOYED MANY FINE GIGS. MY REASON FOR SHOWING UP EARLY WAS TO GET A SEAT AS I HAVE BACK PROBLEMS AND CAN NOT STAND FOR LONG PERIODS, BEING MADE TO STAND IN THE COLD, ( AFTER PREVIOUSLY HIGHLIGHTING THIS PROBLEM ON SEVERAL OCCASIONS ) IS PRETTY CRAP REALLY, AND SHOWS A LACK OF RESPECT FOR PUNTERS LIKE ME WHO REGULARLY ATTEND GIGS.

Customers with a valid medical reason can reserve seats in advance for any show.

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There have been numerous times where I've called the Lemon Tree box office (during the supposed hours) to be met with an answering machine. I guess that could qualify as 'useless at times' ?

How long ago were these times? A call waiting system has been in place since early this year.

If the phone is not being answered it's down to the fact that the lines are busy, not the opening hours.

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YES I WAS THERE FOR THE MUSIC, AND I HAVE SAT BESIDE THE DJ BOOTH AND ENJOYED MANY FINE GIGS. MY REASON FOR SHOWING UP EARLY WAS TO GET A SEAT AS I HAVE BACK PROBLEMS AND CAN NOT STAND FOR LONG PERIODS, BEING MADE TO STAND IN THE COLD, ( AFTER PREVIOUSLY HIGHLIGHTING THIS PROBLEM ON SEVERAL OCCASIONS ) IS PRETTY CRAP REALLY, AND SHOWS A LACK OF RESPECT FOR PUNTERS LIKE ME WHO REGULARLY ATTEND GIGS.

Ok, now you just seem obnoxious.

You should have asked when you phoned about the door times if there was going to be seating, and if you have back problems then ask if you can reserve a table/have a seat.

'No sympathy for paying public? Oh dear?' - Right. To me, turning up early to be first in a queue on a cold, wet and windy night denotes a lack of thought and therefore no sympathy. Personally, I'd prefer to take me risks with the crowd and turn up when the doors are actually open ESPECIALLY if I had back problems. You can't honestly be complaining that you turned up early knowing you get a sore back and seeing what the weather was like and were pissed off that the doors weren't open. That's your fault, not the venues.

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Me obnoxious?

Au contraire, it is you who has come across as the obnoxious party.

Having attended literally hundreds of gigs at The Lemon Tree since it first opened, I found it helpful to get in quick and get a seat, which there usually are plenty of, but they ain't designed to be sat on for long, perhaps I'll take a cushion or invest in a wheelchair just like Bill Drummond, and ram into the bar shouting obscenities at the staff while wearing my one horned helmet.

If you want to hear me being obscene it will cost you at least 10 per minute, and I ain't kidding either, me obnoxious?, yeah ,but I want paid.

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call waiting ?

How long ago were these times? A call waiting system has been in place since early this year.

If the phone is not being answered it's down to the fact that the lines are busy, not the opening hours.

I spent 10 minutes hearing recorded messages, hung up, hit redial and got through straight away..in a wait 10 minutes sort of way.

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or this thread will get me banned for life, and recieve more hits than the Amy Sawers at the Northsound awards debacle of which I am proud to have been part of.

It'll receive more hits than a drumkit at a 16 AGAIN gig where you only play Assert songs.

You might be famous! Soon you'll be able to afford lesbiotic trapeze shows wherever you go and as many bacon rolls as you can gorge yourself on in-between performances!

It's the cult of celebrity gone mad I tell thee.

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and having had my last 2 posts deleted and abtained a warning from a moderator think it is time to shut up, but... nah, I love The Lemon Tree despite it's wee glitches and at least ye dinna stick to the carpet, and the engineers are always great, apart from the guy with the stupid fat face and girly hair with the bad attitude who does not work there anymore .

I like Simon, he is a star, and that wee bloke wi the Tin Tin haircut and the quine wi the specs who is tasty as a bit of warm toast with butter and seedless raspberry jam, I also have a fondness for Marge.....

You are gonna have some hangover when you go back and look at this today..........

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  • 1 month later...

He he he, pity I canna be there to see the astonished faces

I made a wee film about The Lemon Tree, it is surprisingly complimentary and stars my Lemon Tree favourites - yup ...the pillars, see it here on Sunday - it's FREE to get in tae

Request Reminder for this Event 21-01-2007

Location: The Tunnels, Cafe-Bar

Price: Free!

Line-up: A selection of short films made by local talent

Start Time: 8pm

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

A screening of a selection of short films, each around the 10 minute mark, made by local talent (or anybody) and featuring some sort of narrative-driven story. No meandering art-wank.

Final bill still to be confirmed, but will likely include:

Contributions from Donside collective (comprising members of King Liar & the Brutes, Bill Ely & the Catnips)

A documentary related to the local music scene

Direct from New York, special guest film-maker Stephen Levinson

The astounding 'Bedshitter'

Sure to be a unique night, most likely never to be repeated. And free entry too.

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