story thread

[Fast Caz]

Fuck. Im Blind/.

[Birdman]

one time when I was at a lutheran grade school some girls brought orange hair color spray for spirit day and we had this angry teacher with a mustache named mr. moeller and he was like "put that away" and later on the girls were giggling trying to color each other so he got really mad and was like "I said put that godamn thing away" and grabbed the can and hurled it into the wall and it exploded orange spirit everywhere and the kids started crying

[Sam the Eagle]

Chapter Two

The helicopter's descent was rapid. Boston grappled with the stick attempting to keep the aircraft level, but it was useless. Down, down, down, it went.

"Brace yourselves for impact and pray to whatever god you may believe in. If you ever needed faith now is the time." bawled Boston.

Bastian replied over the intercom, which had miraculously stayed online during the whole escapade "Get a hold of yourself sir, we're going to make it through this." Grabbing the controls out of his hand Bastian turned sharply to the left crashing the helicopter into the roof of the nearest building. Thinking that perhaps hitting something at a higher altitude and lower speed may be the answer to their prayers.

Unfortunately the building that Bastian had indirectly crashed them into was the one that housed the interior sets to nationally loved soap opera Emmerdale. The vehicle hit the ground with a thud, miracuously it was undamaged. Gregory, Bastian - who was still holding a shaking Henry's Cat - and Boston exited the aircraft. They were greeted with some extremely shocked faces. Now you would expect that generally people would be shocked when an aircraft lands in the middle of Emmerdale Farm, but I am led to believe that this s quite a regular iccurance. The actors were used to this by now, what they were more shocked by was the fact that underneath the Helicoptor a pair of stripey socks.

Those stripey socks were on the legs of none other than Patsy Kensit.

"Oh no!" exclamed Gregory, "I cannot believe that we've killed Patsy Kensit, she is Henry's Cat's favourite actress. He always perks up when she is on the televison. When I told him that she was going to be joining the cast of BBC medical drama 'Holby City' he ran around trying to catch his tail for a full three days."

"Don't worry son" said loveable barmaid Emily Symmons, who used to be married to Donald Fisher in Home and Away when he was a child, "She was over a hundred years old anyway, she was well past her time to die. And anyway you've got more important matters to see to. It looks to me like Henry's Cat, your dog, is in a state of shock, look he's shaking."

"Oh that's not shock, well not entirely anyway" Bastian interjected, "He was just struck by lightnening, we were in the middle of rushing him to vet hospital when the helicopter came down."

"Oh no." Gasped the cast of Emmerdale, quickly forgetting about Patsy Kensit. They rushed the three travellers, not that they we're gypsies, that's not the kind of travellers I mean, to the door, and back out onto the street.

"Okay Dad," said Gregory, resourcefully thinking, "We've got to think of another way to the hospital." He quickly dialled his mother on his mobile telephone, which he was now free to use, since he was no longer in an aircraft. "Mum'll know what to do."

End of chapter two

[shaun]

sam's stories are great

[lollerskates]

one time when I was at a lutheran grade school some girls brought orange hair color spray for spirit day and we had this angry teacher with a mustache named mr. moeller and he was like "put that away" and later on the girls were giggling trying to color each other so he got really mad and was like "I said put that godamn thing away" and grabbed the can and hurled it into the wall and it exploded orange spirit everywhere and the kids started crying

You can't imagine how hilarious I am finding this. I really, really hope it is true.

[Sam the Eagle]

Chapter 3

Helena Remmington-Tinger was sat at her desk. Helena had only recently gained employment; having previously worked as a taxidermist she felt that a carear change was needed and decided to put those years at secretarial school to good use. She worked at the offices of Martinet - Sebbege, directly under Victoria Sebbege herself. Victoria, as you know - by reptuation if not by name - is a leading canine dentist.

Helena was just settling down with her diet dandilion and burdock, which she had warmed by placing it on the radiator - for that chip shop autenticity when her telephone rang.

"Good afternoon, the offices of Martinet - Sebbege, Helena speaking how might I be of assistance?" Helena answered. Already that had fast become the most common sentence that she said each day, she ad even once answered her home telephone the with the same line. Luckily it was her bi-polar mother on the other end of the line, and she was too drugged of her face to even notice, she had called to order a pizza with banana puree, but realising that her daughter wasn't in fact a pizza parlour she quickly hung up.

"Hello Helena, it's Gregory here, could I speak to Mother please, it's a matter of quite an urgency." Helena heard Gregory's voice crackle down the telephone line.

"Oh dear, I do hope nothing's wrong" Helena replied with. "Unfortunately your mother isn't here at the moment. She's just nipped out around the corner to the Baker's Crust, you know the new pie shop on the high street. She's going to try one of their new Caviar Pasties, I told her it'd be..." she trailed off before being rudely interrupted by Gregory.

"I'm sorry to be so impolite Helena, but it's Henry's Cat. He's been struck by lightening and we really need to get him to hospital." interrupted Gregory.

"Oh dear me, I do hope the poor pup's okay. Well let me see, your mother left about 10 minutes ago, the Baker's crust is approximately 500 yards away, I know from our fitness regime that she walks at 100 yards per minute, so if my calculations are correct, and assuming she took a minimal time to be served in the shop she should be returning just about now." deduced Helena.

"Ting" went the little bell above the door, that is there purely to let the secretary know that a client has walked through the door. It was Victoria returning with her pastie.

"Oh Helena, great news! I got you a..." Victoria jauntilly quipped walking towards the desk.

"Victoria, I've got Gregory on the telephone, there's been an accident" Helena told Victoria, attempting to pass the information on as calmly and efficiently as possible.

"Oh my days, I'd best speak to him" Victoria warbled reaching for the receiver "Hello Diggory, are you okay? Your father? No? What's happened?"

"It's Henry's Cat mother, he was struck by lightening and then started fitting, he's still shaking, father and I have him wrapped in a blanket. Boston is with us also. We need your help." Gregory said, relieved to be off the telephone to Helena, he never much cared for her.

"You say Boston is with you? Can't you just get him to fly you to the hospital? Victoria asked?

"We tried that, but to cut a long story short, it ended in the death of Patsy Kensit, and now we're stuck outside the yorkshire television studios with no form of transport." Gregory explaned.

"Well I see, poor Patsy Kensit - Helena, see to it that flowers are sent to her family - well I only have the motorbike with me today, but I shall come and fetch you immediately." With that Victoria turned on her sensible heels and headed out of the door. "And Helena, can you cancel all my afternoon appointments, let Shane McGowan, you know Jimmy Saville's dog, that he can come in tomorrow morning instead for his veneers."

Helena exploded into a fit of hysterics over hearing of the death of her beloved Patsy Kensit. She truely did love that balsy old dame, but Victoria was too far out of the door to hear her...

End of chapter 3

[Guest MerryChristmas]

when god created the world 6004 years ago he created a race so advanced that they had a time machine invented. They discovered IVF and went back and impregnated some donkey carer who wasnt hymenly challenged. The race existed in the vicinity of the city now known as calcutta. This race were forced up into the air and now live in the clouds vacating a vast city which occupies time but mysteriously not space.