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Guest pop-notmyface

can i.....

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Guest pop-notmyface

...post two personal letters (culled from some web page-so it has been made public already anyway) on here?

or will that get me banned?

there are only minor references to sexual acts...

but it is very amusing, really.

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Guest pop-notmyface

"1st is a girl's apology email for cheating on some bloke.

2nd is his reply which was Bcc'd to his entire address book. Its funny as. What a bitch!

Brad,

It would be difficult for me to be any more miserable right now, I feel

like the worst person ever. First, let me start by saying that I am

truly truly sorry, and I hate myself for hurting you. Of all the people

in the whole entire world, you were honestly the last person that I

would ever want to wrong in any way. There is no excuse at all or

anything that happened, so I won't even try other than to say all of us

had WAY too much to drink, and I did a stupid thing. I can handle you

being pissed at me, I absolutely deserve it, I can even handle the ugly

words that were exchanged between us, what I can't handle is thinking

that you see me as a different person. It is weird, I feel like I just

went through a horrible break up or something. The world looked funny

yesterday, I couldn't crack a smile if you paid me, there are songs I

can't listen to, and I just feel beyond crushed. I don't know if you

meant everything you said to me, and I am hoping that you didn't. I know

that I was wrong on many levels, but I am also hoping that this is

something that we can deal with. I know it sounds totally crazy and

stupid, but you have come to play such a significant role in my life, I

can't imagine my days without you. It is totally strange and weird to

say that, and you could say that my behaviour didn't reflect that, and

you would be correct. I hate feeling like you hate me, and I hate

feeling like all of your friends think I am a terrible person, because I

am not. I know there is nothing I can say or do to take back what

happened, but I just want you to know that fighting with you was just

about the worst thing I could have ever imagined. It was right up there

with one of the ugliest nights of my life, and I would give anything in

the world to rewind and fix it.

I am not sure if you will respond to this, part of me thinks that you

won't. If not today, then maybe some other time. Also, thanks for

getting my stuff together, although I think my sunglasses are still at

your house, if you could keep your eyes peeled for them that would be

great. I can't even focus or work today, I can't eat, I seriously feel

like it was an ugly break up, and I am hoping against hopes that it was

not that and you are not done with me. Please don't cut me off, I really

don't think I can handle that.

I am so sorry.

Elizabeth

RESPONSE:

Dear Elizabeth,

Thank you for your concern. I'll be sure to file it away under "L" for

"Long-winded diatribes from drunken whores I couldn't care less about".

You did a stupid thing huh? No...doing long division and forgetting to

carry the one is "a stupid thing"; Mixing in a red sock with a load of

whites is "a stupid thing"; Blowing some guy in a bathroom for 45minutes

while I sit at the bar wondering if you're taking so long because you

ate too much bran that morning isn't as much a "Stupid thing" as it is

grounds for permanent removal from my social calendar.

To be honest, I'm not sure if it was more amusing that you went and

degraded yourself in a public toilet not once but twice in a 2 hour

span, or that you seemed to think that by saying "Well, I didn't F**k

him" somehow gave you a clean slate. So forgive me if I couldn't care less if

the world "looked funny" to you yesterday. Since your world revolves

around blow dryers, golden retrievers, Prada Bags and Jelly Beans, I'm

sure it must have been most unsettling to actually have to consider

someone else's feelings for 24 hours straight. The good news for you is

that my friends don't think you're a terrible person, they just think

you're the average run of the mill cum-guzzling blond who commands about

as much respect as your average child porn collector. I could be wrong

but, it's pretty hard to respect some B&T chick who comes out to spend

the night at my place even though she's seeing someone else in New

jersey and winds up tongue-bathing the taint of anyone who decides 30

minutes of droning commentary on Colin Farrell's new haircut is worth

putting up with for a hand job in the men's room. The good thing about

being a guy is that when I eventually bump into the young lad who

finger-blasted you on top of a towel dispenser last saturday, we'll have

a shot and laugh our heads off about the time it happened.

By the way, for the amount of time you claim to spend in spin class you

really must be doing something wrong to sport the thunder thighs you do.

Watching you parade around my bedroom in a thong was a little like

watching sea lions mate. Thought you might like to know.

PS. I BCC'd about 100 people on this email.

Talk to you never,

Brad"

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Guest Jake Wifebeater

Magic stuff. Love the way she tried to make him feel responsible. As much class as a rat with a gold tooth.

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