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Earthquake in Glasgow!


Lemonade
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URGENT-GLASGOW EARTHQUAKE APPEAL. AT 11.25am ON THURSDAY 8TH SEPTEMBER 2005 A MAJOR EARTHQUAKE MEASURING 4.2 ON THE RICHTER SCALE EPICENTERED ON GLASGOW.

Victims can be seen wandering around aimlessly muttering: Ah wiz shittin masel, ah need some jellies. The earthquake decimated the area causing approximately 30 worth of damage and unbelievable disruption was caused.

*Many were woken before their giro arrived

*Several priceless collections of momentos from The Balearics and Spanish costas were damaged

*Three areas of historic and scientifically significant litter were disturbed

*The cone fell off the head of the statue outside The Modern Art Gallery

*Thousands are confused and bewildered, trying to come to terms with the fact that something interesting has actually happened in Glasgow

*One resident, Mary-Alice McGregor, a 17 mother of three said It was such a shock, little Chelsea came running into my bedroom crying. My two youngest, Tyler-Morgan and Shauni slept through it. I was still shaking when I was watching Trisha this morning.

*Apparently though looting did carry on as normal

*The British Red-Cross have so far managed to ship 40000 crates of Buckfast to the area to help the stricken masses

*Rescue workers are still searching through the rubble and have found large quantities of personal belongings including benefit books and jewellery from Argos.

HOW CAN YOU HELP?

Clothing is most sought after.

Items required include:-

Sovvy rings

Baseball caps

Shell Suits

Tesco two stripe trainers

White socks

Chunky gold chains

Food parcels may be harder to put together but are necessary all the same

Required foodstuffs include:-

Spam

Buckfast

Macaroon Bars

Buckfast

Pork Scratchings

Buckfast

Tripe and onions

Buckfast

*22p buys a biro for filling in a spurious compensation claim

*2 buys chips, scraps and ginger for a family of four

*10 can take a family to Coatbridge for the day where children can sniff glue and spike up among the national collection of stinging nettles.

:D

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