Self-harm

[Guest]

Well sir' date=' if you were to put them in a padded cell with no implements to cut themselves do you think they could?[/quote']

True... but it doesn't mean that if they see a knife they will cut themselves... for most it's a temporary thing...

People who show off their scars are trying to get attention

A generalisation... but true for some. Those who do it to be "cool" or whatever should just be ignored and probably have nothing wrong with them... but... how do you tell the difference?

I dont know about you but when I see some chick with scars all up her arms I immediately stay away

tends to mean they issues... so yeah... I'd probably "stay away" too... but if it's someone I know... then I'd be crushed and I'd talk to them and do whatever I could do to help them and find out why they are doing this to themselves.

I've done it before and you really have to look goddamn close to be able to see anything on my arms... I can just about make out the lines if I focus and that's only because I know where they are. Who's to say you shouldn't "stay away" from me and never talk to me... I assure you I'm alright 99% of the time.

[bitchygirl]

Well sir' date=' if you were to put them in a padded cell with no implements to cut themselves do you think they could?[/quote']

What would that acheive? Nothing. It;s not the cutting thats the issue its the reason behind it. And yes, they probably could. Sascha told me she does it with her nails if she's got no implements.

People who show off their scars are trying to get attention

Well, maybe some people, but Sascha doesn't actually show hers to anyone. I saw by mistake. Having known her for three years, she's cut for five, and I've never seen nothing on her before. She always wears long sleeves or lots of bracelets.

I dont know about you but when I see some chick with scars all up her arms I immediately stay away

Considering your other views i'd say thats a good thing, People who do this don't need to socialise with people with those views.

[Guest Keira]

Sorry, but don't you think it might be an idea to stop saying her name and sorts, revealing her identity to... anyone who might know of her?

I don't reckon she would appreciate you telling all of these people here about her private life in any way.

[bitchygirl]

It's ok Keira, neither of us live in Aberdeen we're in America, I joined the site when I lived in Aberdeen. Noone will know her.

[Guest Keira]

Well, then I imagine it's okay. Just looking out for her!

Just be there for her, make sure she knows she can turn to you whenever she needs to... alot of people do it.

Why has it actually become SO common?

Hasn't it been said that Aberdeen has the highest percentage of self-harmers in all of Britain..?

[Guest Jake Wifebeater]

Well if she's anything like my friend they want some attention and sympathy. Looks like it is working.

When it gets to the stage that she's puttting fake tan around the 'scars' to make them more prominant' date=' tell her to fuck off.[/quote']

Jesus, the limits some people will go to. Pathetic.

I've dealt with a fair number of self-harmers in my work and believe me, sympathy is the last thing you should be giving. Acknowledge it and encourage people to talk, but if you're not careful then you'll get sucked in and they'll try and make it your problem, which it emphatically is NOT. Remember that people choose to behave in this way. Sorry if it sounds cold and callous, it's professional training. Self-harm is a futile gesture, a way of papering over cracks and it's short-termism.

[Guest Jake Wifebeater]

On a side note, I've yet to meet a male self-harmer. Just a thought.

[Biz]

so tattoos...

and piercing don't count?.

[bitchygirl]

^^^If it did would it not make anyone who has peircings self harmers?

I think it would count if they did it to themselves

[HeinzHines]

Who's to say you shouldn't "stay away" from me and never talk to me...

We've been trying to sharon.....

[Stripey]

self harm defies logic. You cannot equate it with piercing or tatoo. A question that interests me:

1. What stimulus gave the person the idea that cutting their body was a desirable course of action? It goes against natural human instinct.

[Guest ()Papaspyrou()]

Some people harm themselves for pleasure too.

I, for one, know of a friend who used to shut his nuts in his bedside cabinet for pleasure.....apparently it felt good?!

[Guest MerryChristmas]

On a side note' date=' I've yet to meet a male self-harmer. Just a thought.[/quote']

You raise a fair point

Ive yet to see a male with scars

maybe women take longer to mature and are emotional wrecks for longer or become them easier

[morlun]

Right. I have desperately been trying to stay out of this discussion as it involves going back to a time in my life I would rather forget. I am a former self harmer. For all those people that say it is only to grab attention- unless they are willingly showing off the scars- FUCK OFF. There are about 5 people in the world that know I used to cut myself (one found out by accident and told the rest, apart from my girlfriend who I told myself) as no one EVER saw the scars. If they were on my stomach, I never removed my shirt (even in bed if I wasn't alone, unless it was completely dark) If they were on my arms, long sleeve shirts (i own a few so this never arose suspicion). And for all those people that say use piercings or tattoo's or waxing as a subsitute (confession I love you to bits, but you are so off the mark I could not bring this up in person without falling out with you) YOU KNOW FUCK ALL ABOUT THIS SUBJECT!! I have had a total of around 27 piercings, and NOT because of my self harming. I never got a single one during this period. Self harming is used as a form of release, for some the pain releases endorphins, for others seeing the blood run out of the wounds alows them to imagine that it is their pain leaving their body. And piercing, tattooing or waxing is not exactly a quick, instant process. My self harming is NOT something I am proud of that is why I never told anyone.

As for a "cure" there isn't one. So far the advice about being supportive and not judging is 100% correct. The only way for someone to stop self harming is for them to want to stop, like any other addiction. Because that is what it is. Stand by them, ask them to speak to someone ie a councilor who understands this illness- but DO NOT FORCE THEM under any circumstances. Sometimes speaking to someone who does not know you, and has no preconceptions of who and what you are allows you to be more open. I know it helped me, and another of my friends who was also a self hrmer.

Bitchygirl, if you would like any other advice as to how to help your friend please PM me. I am only to happy to help, but I would rather not discuss it any more in a public forum, as there are obviously some people on here who believe it to be a joke.

Oh, and for the record,..... I am male.

[Stripey]

Right. I have desperately been trying to stay out of this discussion as it involves going back to a time in my life I would rather forget. I am a former self harmer. For all those people that say it is only to grab attention- unless they are willingly showing off the scars- FUCK OFF. There are about 5 people in the world that know I used to cut myself (one found out by accident and told the rest' date=' apart from my girlfriend who I told myself) as no one EVER saw the scars. If they were on my stomach, I never removed my shirt (even in bed if I wasn't alone, unless it was completely dark) If they were on my arms, long sleeve shirts (i own a few so this never arose suspicion). And for all those people that say use piercings or tattoo's or waxing as a subsitute (confession I love you to bits, but you are so off the mark I could not bring this up in person without falling out with you) YOU KNOW FUCK ALL ABOUT THIS SUBJECT!! I have had a total of around 27 piercings, and NOT because of my self harming. I never got a single one during this period. Self harming is used as a form of release, for some the pain releases endorphins, for others seeing the blood run out of the wounds alows them to imagine that it is their pain leaving their body. And piercing, tattooing or waxing is not exactly a quick, instant process. My self harming is NOT something I am proud of that is why I never told anyone.

As for a "cure" there isn't one. So far the advice about being supportive and not judging is 100% correct. The only way for someone to stop self harming is for them to want to stop, like any other addiction. Because that is what it is. Stand by them, ask them to speak to someone ie a councilor who understands this illness- but DO NOT FORCE THEM under any circumstances. Sometimes speaking to someone who does not know you, and has no preconceptions of who and what you are allows you to be more open. I know it helped me, and another of my friends who was also a self hrmer.

Bitchygirl, if you would like any other advice as to how to help your friend please PM me. I am only to happy to help, but I would rather not discuss it any more in a public forum, as there are obviously some people on here who believe it to be a joke.

Oh, and for the record,..... I am male.[/quote']

Self harm is a western phenomenon, and as I said, where does the initial intent eminate from?

Self harm is a culturally aquired behaviour that is just 1 facet of the extensive social, and mental decay evident in our society today.

[Guest Page 99]

Self harm is a culturally aquired behaviour that is just 1 facet of the extensive social, and mental decay evident in our society today.

Do you possess actual scientific (or other) evidence to prove this theory of yours? Or are you deliberately adding points to this thread in order to get some form of reaction from the people who undoubtedly will find your posts offensive?

I bet the latter, but maybe that's just me.

[morlun]

Self harm is a western phenomenon' date=' and as I said, where does the initial intent eminate from?

Self harm is a culturally aquired behaviour that is just 1 facet of the extensive social, and mental decay evident in our society today.[/quote']

Personally I did not have any intial intent, nor was it culturally aquired, as you put it- I grew up in the Highlands a complete loner, and as such had no social culture to be exposed to. Really- I engullfed myself in sci-fi movies and comic books. My self harming began by complete accident. I had been told something about someone very close to me- which I am not going into on an internet forum- and I happened to be holding a plastic tumbler at the time. I broke down in tears, and in my anger, I crushed the tumbler in my hand. A couple of the shards embedded themselves in my hand, and when I pulled them out, and I watched the blood flow i instantly felt better. I do not know why- and I now know that I was not feeling better, but only kidding myself. As I said, I am not proud of this, and cannot think why anyone would be- hence why most people hide it. Also, as result I am now hemophobic, as seeing blood reminds me of what I once did. Honestly I cannot give you a general answer to your question, I can only relay my personal experience. Is it related to social and mental decay. Maybe, I really don't know, and do not pretend to. I DO believe it is a mental problem- as I said I now realise it didn't make me feel any better, I only WANTED to believe this- and one that is treatable, but only if people who do it are not made to feel like outcasts. It is arguable that alcoholism, drug addiction and smoking are also western phenomena- BUT if people are willing to admit to these problems they are generally offered help and support. Why should this illness- and it is an illness, like any other addiction- be treated any different?

[Guest ()Papaspyrou()]

I engullfed myself in sci-fi movies and comic books.

There's your problem right there!

[Sue Denim..]

You raise a fair point

Ive yet to see a male with scars

maybe women take longer to mature and are emotional wrecks for longer or become them easier

Duh... I'm a male.

[lindeh]

each case is different- i know of someone who does get piercings as a form of self-harm, it doesn't have to take any one form. i also know of someone who cuts themselves as morlun said, as a form of release- it was described to me as feeling the pain took their mind off other things for a split second.

as for 'attention seekers'- the fact that they feel they need to cut themselves just to get someone to take notice, does that not suggest there must be something seriously wrong in the first place? and i'm not talking about the stereotypes here.

[Guest Jake Wifebeater]

I DO believe it is a mental problem

This is a current debate going on in my workplace just now. The view is that it is not a mental health problem, as this is a form of behaviour that people choose to engage in. I know of someone who gouged his own eye out, something to do with Solomon in the bible? Anyway, that was sure as hell related to his mental health as he was extremely delusional at the time. I don't think self-harm is related to mental health as such, it comes down to a behavioural problem.

Nice to see that after 5 pages, the debate has yet to descend into squabbling and knicker-pissing.

[Guest]

Personally, I think it's connected to a self asteem issue or perhaps depression. In my experience I felt the need to attack myself due to the situation I was in... I blamed myself and hated myself for it... it made me feel like I was doing something about it - as ridiculous as that sounds. I certainly didn't feel proud of it though.

[bitchygirl]

It is a mental health issue. It;s a symptom of Borderline Personality Disorder (not saying all harmers have this). It's related to bipolar and clinical depression. Theres loads of stuff on the net about it.

[Guest MerryChristmas]

Duh... I'm a male.

yes....and....

[Metarie]

Morlun - you're brave talking about it on a forum, but I still believe that everyone's experience is different. You can't say that what happened to you is the definiative version. If someone hurts themselves to feel better about something, that is self harm. Of course there are different degrees of it, self harm isn't just cutting, like I said before. A girl at my school always had bruises all over her, the gym teacher noticed and thought she was getting abused at home, it turned out that the girl in question punched herself and hit her head off the walls when she was angry/upset.

Mental disorder is a very personal thing, basically because no two people are the same and what is true of one case might not be true of another. I don't even believe doctors can correctly identify depression and other metal problems. I was told by my GP 'I wouldn't diagnose you with depression, but I'd like you to get another doctors opinion because I could be wrong'. It isn't a black and white situation and I believe that anyone who claims that they know what goes on in the head of a person who self harms is very very naive.