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The funniest joke you've ever heard...


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OK, here we go, I need a laugh, let's hear the funniest jokes you've ever heard!

Somebody told me this in the toilets in exodus a few weeks ago...if it was anyone on here, own up coz you're a legend!

What's brown and half eaten?

The pope's easter egg.

Controversial, I know but still, funny.


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Guest haigyman

why is stevie wonder always smiling?

he hasn't realised he's black yet.

what makes stevie wonder scream?

when he answers the iron.

why can't stevie wonder read?

cause he's black.

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Why are neds like slinkies?

They have no real use but its great to watch one fall down a flight of stairs.

Two neds in a car without any music. Whos driving?

The police

What do you call a ned at college?

The janitor

Two neds jump off beachy head, who wins?


What do you say to a ned with a job?

Can I have a big mac please?

What do you say to a ned in a suit?

Will the defendant please stand

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Guest haigyman
An Englishman' date=' Irishman and a Scotsman walk into a bar.

The barman says: "Is this some sort of joke?"[/quote']

hahahahahha that is fucking brilliant

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The making of man

In the beginning God created Eve. And she had 3 breasts. After three weeks in the garden, God came to visit Eve. "How're things, Eve?" He asked.

"It is all so beautiful, God," she replied. "The sunrises and sunsets are breathtaking, the smells, the sights, everything is wonderful but I just have this one problem. It's these three breasts you've given me. The middle one pushes the other two out, and I am constantly knocking them with my arms, catching them on branches, snagging them on

bushes, they're a real pain," reported Eve.

"That's a fair point," replied God, "but it was my first shot at that you know. I gave the animals, what, six? So I just figured you'd need half, but I see that you are right. I'll fix that up right away!"

So, God reaches down and removes the middle breast, tossing it into the bushes.

Three weeks passed, and God once again visited Eve in the garden.

"Well, Eve, how's my favourite creation?" He asked.

"Just fantastic," she replied, "but for one small oversight on your part. You see, all the animals are paired off. The ewe has her ram, the cow has her bull, all the animals have a mate, except me. I feel so alone."

God thought for a moment. "You know, Eve, you're right. How could I have overlooked this! You do need a mate and I will immediately create Man from a part of you!"

"Now, let's see ....... where did I put that useless tit?"

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