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Printable bass player offenses/fines ticket


jeelie1
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Bass player offenses/fines list

Name of offender _____________________________

Date of offense(s) _____ / _____ / _______

Musical offenses

Playing loudly during warm up $10

Sound-checking amp with funk slapping $25

Loud cursing after mistake $10

Playing high and fast after mistake $20

Practicing 2-handed tapping between tunes $20

Asking for "E" tuning note $25

Playing E anyway when horns tune to Bb $50

Playing written-out walking line $50

Failure to play written walking line $75

Writing note names over ledger-line notes $50

Writing beat numbers under dotted figures $50

Playing eighth notes $5 each

Playing sixteenth notes $10 each

Playing above 1st octave-immediate dismissal

Dragging fast tempo $75

Dragging ballad tempo $100

Blacking out during ballad $200

Ignoring drummer's tempo $100

Following drummer's tempo $250

Asking to borrow Real Book for All Of Me $1000

Upright player offenses

Showing up before first downbeat $25

Playing audibly $25

Faking changes $25

Slapping $150

Missing tutti lick, then mentioning vintage of bass $25

Excessive sweating $25

Pedal point double-stops during horn solo $50

Asking leader for a solo $30

Accepting solo when offered $50

Taking second chorus $100

Playing solo arco $400

Pretending to check tuning after playing out of tune $25

Playing "A Train" ending on every tune $200

Playing extended "A Train" ending on every tune $500

Electric player offenses

Checking hair between tunes $15

Experimenting with odd meters $25

Missing root at end of blistering fill $25

Playing with a pick $50

Tuning during ballad $30

Playing Jaco groove on samba $75

Playing Jaco samba groove on ballad $150

Attempting last word on final chord $50

Achieving last word on final chord $100

Long gliss down to final note $200

Equipment violationselectric

Forgetting strap $10

Changing strings after every set $15

Using electric tuner $15

Setting up mic "just in case" $75

Forgetting to turn amp on $40

Bringing amp larger than 1 person can carry in 1 trip $50

Asking horn player for help moving amp $25

Bringing custom-made bass $100 per string above 4

Bringing more than 1 bass $100 per extra bass

Skull decals on bass $150

Bringing fretless bass $500

Criminal bad taste

Telling bone player about all the gigs you get $10

Asking bone player about their day gig $10

Sitting behind drums on break $10

Quoting "Birdland" $25

Practicing scales during break $25

Practicing scales during drum solo $50

Practicing $150

Beginning a sentence with "When I was a guitar player" $50

Casually mentioning to Musical Director of cheap theater that you are "into sequencing" $100

Basic stupidity

Wearing old Buddy Rich tour shirt $10

Wearing new Whitesnake tour shirt $20

Asking when the rock set starts $20

Continually asking "where are we?" $25

Continually shouting "Yeah!" $25

Asking bone player where "1" is $50

Taking cellphone call during 4's $100

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  • 1 year later...

There are two, and only two, bass related offences that can be committed, and they are as follows:

Not slinging your bass low enough = booking, followed by a second yellow if not immediately rectified.

Slap bass = straight red.

In the words of that Hetfield fella, nothing else matters.

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There are two, and only two, bass related offences that can be committed, and they are as follows:

Not slinging your bass low enough = booking, followed by a second yellow if not immediately rectified.

Slap bass = straight red.

In the words of that Hetfield fella, nothing else matters.

I'm with him, the original post is a load of muso toss. Gimme Dee Dee over that Flea wanker anyday...

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Guest Kilgore Trout

here's a tip for bassists. if you join a band and during one of the early rehearsals one member of the band hands you a printed ticket on which he has outlined an "offence" you must exit the band quickly, they are obviously ding as fuck.

RUN AWAY!

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  • 1 year later...

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