sexytunk

I've heard that one before.

It's not terrible. But I think you could do better! You could have incorporated something about an alley too, actually.

Thats as good as it gets for me man, the old ones are the best.

Probably something about the entry of a certain amount of fingers?

She spends the whole night being picked up and fingered by strangers, she gets dumped in the gutter, and keeps comin back for more.

I love mum jokes. They are always big and always clever.

Especially if they finger themselves for a packet of biscuits.

Really idol_wild? In that case, what does your mum and a bowling ball have in common?

I bet they didn't tell you that when you applied for the job though, did they? Fucking bastards!

They certainly never! Mind you, my assistant is bloody hot, and that keeps my hands busy under the table, so no need for porn anyway at the moment, until she leaves that is

Do you live on here?

Yes I do, it's the joys of being Hierarchy.

When did the chat on here get so ragingly shite?

Long ago

my dad drives an 8.4million litre hummer, he wins.

Wow really? Yeh, that'll probably beat my 0.9ltr Ka then right enough

New pet hate:

childish folk arguing on the internet about who is being more childish.

Point taken, sorry Dad.

Argument is officially over, on my behalf anyway as I'm getting bored!

+ points for good use of sarcasm, however - points for still being a twat.

I don't mind that you think I'm a twat, you can't get on with everyone. But you are the one being the child with the name calling, and I'm sorry but it doesn't bother me, and it just makes you look, well, kinda pathetic to be honest

I dunno, thinking about it, I think the real problem I have with it is that it's just not a funny line, just gross. If it's funny you can get away with it being gross, but this one just wasn't funny.

I would say paedophilia probably is fair game for humour (see Brass Eye for one, which was one of the funniest things I've ever seen), but it needs to actually be funny, your line wasn't, despite the exclamation marks.

Well I apologise if it offended, certainly wasn't my intention.

my dads car is bigger than both of yours so

My one is faster! I hope now after saying that anyways. he he

It's my opinion you're a twat. So there you go.

Oh no, do you really, oh my god i'm so sorry, I can't survive knowing that, please, please forgive me oh holy one

What an utter load of tosh. I happen to know a few bus drivers, none of whom are "thick as shit", and one of them is studying towards a law degree. Just because someone does a manual job doesn't mean they aren't intelligent. I met some of the most intelligent and interesting people I know while working in manual labour jobs. You can't make a sweeping statement like that and not expect someone to pull you up on it.

Am i bothered a fuck you have pulled me up on it, eh NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

It's my opinion, I'll uphold it

No, I went to a decent school, the only kiddie fiddler we had was only interested in girls.

But I do have a good friend who volunteered in the Scouts alongside Paul Firth and was horrified when all this came out.

I know most things are fair game on here but as a father myself I just think "having a laugh" about child abuse that happened right here on our doorstep in Aberdeen is too far. Maybe it's just me.

Did he even bum them anyway? Can't remember the ins and outs (so to speak) of this case.

I have to admit, maybe I'm a prick for thinking this way but, I work hard to look after and protect my children, they are number one, as long as they safe and well that is my priority, it is not my responsibility to worry and concern myself with others children just because I'm a parent.

I was horrified as well believe me, the guy should be locked in a room with his victims and they should be allowed to kick him to death as he's an evil sick bastard. That is my view, but I'm a sick fucker, I enjoy having a laugh and taking the piss out of most things!

Stagecoach.

In the morning on the way to work, I get the one bus from Kemnay (220) that connects with an Inverurie bus (307). All others through the day go direct. It's not a major hassle, though there used to be a wee bit of waiting around.

About a month ago, Stagecoach changed the time of the 307 to be a couple of minutes earlier. This was a good move - buses were on time and all was working well. A couple of weeks later, the 220 time and route both changed very slightly, and the connection point was changed to Kintore rather than Blackburn.

Now, it's the 307 that has to do a couple of minutes waiting, and it appears that some of the 307 drivers are utter arseholes. Take this morning:

220 arrives in Kintore where the 307 is waiting at the bus-stop where buses are changed and travellers are made happy. Just as we pull up behind, though, the wanker driving said 307 pulls away! This means a 25 minute wait for the next 307... which promptly drives straight past without stopping. Not quite sure why this happened.

About ten minutes later, along comes another 307, which DOES stop and lets passengers on, hooray! Only I've got a return ticket and the driver is intent on stamping it as I get on his bus. Took a while to convince him that I'd only bought it that morning and was still on my inbound journey...

The connection departing without waiting for the 220 isn't uncommon, so it's become common for me to arrive in work 15 minutes late rather than 15 minutes early as I was before.

Absolute joke.

Bus drivers are total wankers, they think they are important cause they drive something big and need a few tickets to do it! But in fact they are thick as shit and only drive buses as they are not inteligent enough to do anything else

What a charming way to describe child abuse. And you've got young kids?

Are you getting shirty cause he widened your hoop?

You guys talking about "Milton" - we had a teacher of the same name who sounds very similar. They must be related. I know it's not the same guy cos he lived near the Broch.

He had classic lines such as:

"I'll rip your arm off and hit you with the soggy bit"

"I'll rip your head off and throw you out the window head first"

That sort of thing. Cracking teacher and always a good laugh...

Could go nuts like the best of them though

We had a teacher at School who has been all over the papers during the last decade, because it turns out he was a pedo bum boy, by the name of Paul Firth! He was a scout leader and used to take boys into the countryside and abuse them. He scared the shit out of me, but looking back he was probably pretty horrible to me as he didn't want to drill my ass.

In fact, there are a few people on this very site who used to go on trips with him, and have probably lost the ability to do a noisey fart due to Paul Firth!

I don't have kids, no. However, I'm pretty sure the last time I went I was only 9, maybe? And I still thought it was bad. Maybe I was just a cynical little shit, though?

Well a little tip, keep it that way, and never have any. he he

Get in the corner of the room and face the floor.

And leave your japper alone.

Does wanking in the corner facing the floor make it better, or does it just widen the imagination for the wank bank? This is such a learning experience for me, wow.

That's why you should store mental images of tidy birds in the wank bank. Just for backup.

Ah now thats a plan, never tried that. . . . . . . .nope tried, still just Davie Dodds there in the old memory bank. He looks pretty sweet in just brown Y-fronts though!

Surely not. I mean, you still had a wank, right?

Wanking is never a waste of time.

Not even if you only having material of Davie Dodds mid 80's?

As easy as going on a porn site?

I can't get access to porn sites at my work, so easier in fact. WOOOOO

Some of the statues at Storybook Glen are properly shit. The Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles are so bad it's unreal. Who made these statues?!

Do you have kids? Yeh to an adults eyes they may be shit, I'll give you that! But my kids love them, all the ones that aren't wrecked that is. All I hear about from my little ones for days after is about Story Book Glen, they love the place, it's a great way for them to interact with the countryside and keep them interested and occupied for hours on end. They certainly don't think its shit, and at the end of day it is meant for them.

Has anyone else noticed the ad for that dating site granitehearts.com?

I think I'll join. You never know when you might fancy a girl with a heart of intrusive, felsic, igneous rock.

A group of us has set up a bogus account on Plenty of fish, pretending to be Thomas lang, you wouldn't believe how easy it is to get naked pics of birds on that site! lol

Terrible.

Summer is mint. Except bees. Fuck off bees.

But then I wouldn't get honey for my favourite Total honey and natural yoghurt desert, I say bee's stay, Original Spies fuck off! he he