waltz

Top 5 Animals, based on power, aesthetic and vibe 1. Elephant - if you don't like elephants, you can fuck off. Kings and Queens of the animal kingdom. Lovely big trunk at the front for starters, and skin that's tougher than a month-old Subway sandwich. They can mourn, they remember stuff, and they look both elegant and fearsome. Also, what a cracking noise they make. I fed an apple to an elephant once and it was fucking great. power - A+ aesthetic - A vibe - A+ 2. Dogs - dogs are outstanding, this isn't really up for discussion. power - C aesthetic - A+ vibe - A+ 3. Zebras - zebras are sort of like pretentious horses, aren't they? They're like the Bryan Ferry of the Equine world, albeit with less of a penchant for praising the Nazis. They're like horses that spent a formative weekend in Berlin and were just like "yeah we can look great all the time if we want." Never met one though, so can't account for personality. power - C aesthetic - A+ vibe - B 4. Foxes foxes are suuuper underrated. First off, they look like if you domesticated one it'd be like having both a dog and a cat, so that's rad. Also, they hate Tories and love hanging around bins so that shows they're shrewd and have a resourceful eye. I think foxes are good, I really do. However, I don't think it'd take much to just kick a fox's face clean off, so I'm taking points off there. power - C- aesthetic - B vibe - A- 5. Cows i honestly don't know how it's ok to eat cows. They're beautiful. I am a big fan of cows. Their haunting "UGGGGGHHG" noise, their resourcefulness and the fact that they're low-key destroying the O-Zone layer fucking slays, IMO. I nearly went for the majestic deer or the genuinely hilarious donkey but cows had to be in the top 5. power - A- aesthetic - B vibe - C-

Middlesbrough isn't actually that bad, IMO. 1. Alloa 2. Morecambe 3. Preston 4. Edinburgh 5. ...Alloa again, fuck it.

Joey Barton. just... Joey Barton

1-4 Pitbull 5 Pitbull (ft Christina Aguilera)

Linked with Hernanes, too, which speaks volumes as to how our reputation has improved over the summer.

5. 4. 3. 2. 1. If this hasn't worked then fuck it, I'm not copying and pasting all those badges again

Moving to Glasgow later this month. That's good, because I wanted to do that.

It's generally countries that are former UK colonies, right? As if being decent at cricket makes slavery and theft OK. cant watch golf either. Or lawn bowls, fuck me.

Anyone want to buy this for me?

Opening for Catholic Action at Underdog tonight (doors from 9pm, please come, I am also putting the gig on). Saturday - Nothing Sunday - Might go to Glasgow. Probably will. I will.

Johan Cruyff

It's out today! Listen to Wendell Borton - EP by Wendell Borton on @AppleMusic. https://itun.es/gb/T986ab

The reverse Santiago Muñez

I like him in High Fidelity, admittedly. But no, I suppose I'm not hardcore. And the legend of the rent was way hardcore.

It's a shame that you've decided to pick Jack Black because it automatically makes all of your posts annoying

Our EP launch party is in a week's time! So that's good, really

How will this enormous sandwich chain cope?

Yes

I'm Jack Nicholson with two basketballs

Hey, hi your sexy friends in Wendell Borton are set to release their (our?) debut EP 'Wendell Borton' on March 14th, through Fitlike Records. We are streaming 'The Worst', the first track off our EP. I guess you could say we're leaving 'The Worst' 'til first! Ha ha ha ha Wendell Borton play: ABERDEEN: upstairs at O'Neill's - 11/3/16 https://www.facebook.com/events/1671236999820221/ GLASGOW: 13th note - 12/3/16 check it out, and have a nice time

Oh, fuck. been there, my man. All jokes aside, I hope you're ok

Genuinely happy

... that is not normal doctor, you need a doctor

Are you Edward Scissorhands? Wtf?

I wonder how many lap scaldings have happened since drive-thru coffee shops became a thing.