Murrr

By beating Tottenham 5-1 to cap-off a six match unbeaten streak?

We'll we're going to fuckstomp the Championship into oblivion this year, so to hell with the Premier League and all that jazz. Burton Albion, time to oil up.

Kinda sums-up The King's management style, this. If you listen to enough Pardew interviews, you'll hear certain words/phrases come-up time and time again, "little bit of magic" being on of them. Pardew's "little bit of magic" refers to the players that he just won't give any instructions to, because, in theory, they should have the skill and/or initiative to create chances on their own. It's what he does with Zaha and Bolasie, and what he did with Ben Arfa (before things got weird and he started mumbling about his defensive contribution) and Sissoko with us. His long ball style revolves around getting these players on the ball as quickly as possible, then "letting the magic happen." It gives these players plenty of ball-time, but it's deeply flawed. I'd actually argue that Zaha is a very inconsistent player who could benefit from closer man management: something that is seemingly beyond Pardew. Same with Bolasie, really. Eye-catching, useful players for sure, brilliant in bursts, but statistically underwhelming. Townsend is an old-school "get yer head down and run" type of winger with a wicked long-range shot. Not sure how well-equipped he is for Pardew's system, but he's probably getting paid more money to play in a better league, so I kinda get it. Short careers, maximise earnings, etc. I think Gayle will be great. He has a good goals-per-minute ratio and I've always liked the look of him whenever I've seen him play. Very quick, which is something we're lacking in our front-line.

Townsend out with Matt Ritchie apparently coming-in to replace him. Townsend leaving is pretty disappointing because he was great for us, had already said he wanted to stay, and he's joining a club that's going nowhere to work under a manager who has a pretty horrific track record when it comes to wingers (Bolasie aside). I guess the Premier League trumps all of that, though.

You're all welcome! Even Adam*. * maybe.

Four months after leaving a dreary, soul-crushing finance job that was eroding my will to live, I've just signed a contract to write about sports for a living. Working from home initially, then moving to Poland (Newcastle) in a couple of months. This is pretty close to a dream job for me. Feeling pretty fuckin' wonderful at the moment.

Lushlife - "Ritualize" Great. Guy's spent most of his carrying melding hip-hop and indie rock sounds together and this might be one of the best records I've heard all year. It's so good, you guys. The instrumentals are almost psychedelic at times, and straight-up banging at others. The raps are nice, too.

You guys are completely insane.

I can name four: Southernplayalisticadillacmuzik, ATLiens, Aquemini, and Stankonia. /smartarse Today I have only listened to the new Open Mike Eagle record. It's pretty good.

There's the full match. It's fucking nuts. There's a bit where the English land flips himself over the top rope, screams "PIP PIP, CHEERIO MOTHERFUCKER!" and smacks the guy with a flying forearm. Quite remarkable.

DOOM. It's amazing. It takes everything that's derpy about modern FPS games, throws 'em in the bin, and replaces them with pure testosterone. Multiplayer is shite, but the campaign is bananas. I want to play it forever. Amazing soundtrack too. Stroll into a room crammed with demons that this quasi-Meshuggah noise just starts ripping through your speakers. It's perfect.

http://www.nufc.co.uk/articles/20160525/rafa-stays-at-united_2281670_5598640 Inexplicable and unprecedented. Next season's gonna be incredible.

I hate Mourinho. Haaaaaaaaaaate him. Really glad we'll be in the Championship and I'll be able to ignore most of his act because he's just devolved into a charmless, soul-sucking grumplord over the past few years. I don't even know if that's part of his act any more: he just seems like he hates life and wants the world to burn with him. How are the Man United fans going to take to him? Heard a lot of grumblings about LVG's boring football over the past couple of seasons, and Mourinho's pragmatism isn't exactly edge-of-your-seat stuff most of the time. I reckon a lot of those complaints had more to do with league positions and results, however, and that if LVG had Man United finishing closer to the top, we wouldn't have heard any of it. Mourinho does a great job of building that "them vs. us" mentality within a club and rallying the supporters around him almost like a cult leader, at least for a few seasons. Whaddaya reckon, Soda?

Caspian - "Dusk & Disquiet" Post-rock with some fuckin' filthy distorted grooves jammed-in for good measure. I've been burned-out on the genre for a long time, but this is great. Dylan Brady - "All I Ever Wanted" Bass-heavy white guy trap music, slow-paced, pretty banging. Lots and lots of vocal effects. Self-produced and pretty unique: one song samples Enya and "Barbie Girl" at the same time, so, y'know... Earth - "The Bees Made Honey in the Lion's Skull" This is the greatest "concentration" album every made. I don't know how else to put it. These weird drone-country vibes just help me get into the zone, whether I'm driving, chilling or working. I love this thing. Future - "Evol" Moderately disappointing after his stellar 2014-15 run, but still a few bangers here and there.

I've had the same issue on that music gear buy/sell page on Facebook. Threw a guitar that I'll never play again up on there about a week ago. First guy messages me within an hour of the ad going up, we agree a price, then a time/date for the dude to come and collect/pay for it. Half an hour before he's supposed to show-up, I get a message like "sorry m8 can't come round today, me cat got a Drumstick lolly stuck in its lug." Well, not that, but something equally contrived. Rolled my eyes and said "alright, next weekend?" and he's like "aye fine." Try to message this goober again on Friday -- no response. Hasn't even read it. Great stuff. Another dude messages me on Friday night asking if the ad's still valid as he'd like to buy. At this point I'm like "sod it, the other dude's being a bufty" so I reply in the affirmative. Two minutes later he replies like "not interested." Get in the bin. What is it about the act of buying things on the internet that turns people into such whompers?

Imagine doing this on a one-nil lead with fifteen minutes still to play. What a tit, man. I can't stop watching it. He's a total freak. Rangers and Pardew humbled in cup finals on the same afternoon. It was a good day.

Somehow I've found myself going down a "bands that all the crusties hate" rabbit hole over the past two days. Wolves in the Throne Room, Liturgy and Fallujah (who catch hate for having professional-sounding production... can't make this shit up), all pretty decent. 2016 hip-hop has been kinda farty so far so I'm catching-up on the metals.

Flood is a ghastly footballer. He's tireless, and he has the occasional game where his constant haranguing of opposition midfielders panics them into giving the ball a way, but his play is just so wonky. No positional sense whatsoever: he just tears around the pitch like a dopey labrador, leaving gaping holes all over the place. That's a huge problem in the middle of the park, especially when he's partnered with someone like Kenny McLean who, for all his positive qualities, is not a gap-filling defensive midfielder. You're right. I'm a little concerned about next season and all. Aberdeen have been linked with some decent players, but that's the issue: they're just decent. Greg Tansey, if signed, could be a solid squad member, but he doesn't address any of the squad's needs. I'm not really sure how Aberdeen are supposed to attract the calibre of player to take the team to the next level. In my eyes, we probably need a goalkeeper, an intelligent centre-back who can organise the back line (because when Ash Taylor's off his game, he's a mess), a hammer-throwing defensive midfielder and some extra depth across the board. Tough transfer window ahead. Still debating my season ticket for next season. Plans to move away from Aberdeen aside, I just hate The Rangers and the whole narrative surrounding the club. It honestly reminds me of a weird cult sometimes. Beating them would be nice, but I don't really want to acknowledge their existence in general. Ugh.

Yeah, black metal purists are some of the weirdest (read: most insular and closed-minded) creatures ever. "omg dees hipsters r misappropriatin our trve kvlt kvltvre!" Shut up, dummy. Should they refrain from incorporating black metal elements into their expansive shoegaze/post-rock sounds purely because some corpse-paint wearing dork who lives in his Mum's basement has a silly list of restrictive genre conventions that MUST NEVER BE DEFIED? I prefer my music to not sound like it was recorded in a toilet cistern, m8. Get in the bin. Metal, in-general, is one of the most snobbish, elitist genres out there (IMO). Anyway, listening to Jesu's "Silver" EP a lot today. Forgot how much I liked this little thing.

Deafheaven - "Sunbather" I've owned this for about two years and never really got 'round to listening to it. Spun it for the first time yesterday and I've hardly stopped since. Love it to death. Seems to attract a lot of hate from silly people on the internet, but those people don't matter. Great balance of harshness and beauty. Royce da 5'9" - "Layers" Utterly sleep-inducing. Shame. Drake - "Views" Predictably bland. Gojira - "From Mars to Sirius" Perfect blend of groove, invention and atmosphere. Crushingly heavy at points. "Flying Whales" is my jam. More prog-death-groove eco-metal, please.

Two fucking wallapers from consistently terrible buttrock band Buckcherry on some pseudo-political dubstep rap shit. Every bit as bad as it sounds.

Sounds like we're throwing everything at Rafa Benitez. Complete restructuring of the scouting process, a decent budget, and absolute freedom to restructure the club's playing side from top-to-bottom. It's so very un-Newcastle, especially under Ashley. There's an almost shocking level of optimism around our fans at the moment, particularly on the forums I frequent. Nobody really seems to give a fuck that we've just been relegated: it's just optimism for the season ahead. Weirdest relegation ever. Gonna be a total kick in the dick if this doesn't come-off now like.

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/sport/football/article-3593503/Rafa-Benitez-set-remain-Newcastle-manager-season-positive-discussions-owner-Mike-Ashley.html

If I'm being snobbish, it's the two different tones of red (or two different types of material) that stop me going all-in on this shirt. That aside, it's the best Dons top in my lifetime.

That collar is fucking quality. Love a proper collar on a football shirt: definitely brings an air of class to the thing (if such a thing is possible for a football shirt). Shirts without collars look like generic gym attire nine times out of ten, IMO.