patrick boo

I love phrases that could be a song in themselves, concise but telling, like great pop should be. The main one that springs to mind is six words by the genius Stephen Merrett (Magnetic Fields) which sum up what so many other songs do badly in four minutes - "An hour goes by; she doesn't"....

Real Shocks are the absolute definition of a manufactured band. They are so manufactured they have barcodes branded on the soles of their feet. Their music is like being inside a large room with mirrored walls, floor, ceiling and door, bleeding slowly because someone has cut off your feet, but you don't mind because it looks so interesting. Genuinely sorry the Shocks aren't playing, but keep an eye out, as they will be busy busy bees with some very special gigs and releases coming up.

Come doon to Drakes - I'm going to be there so you can throw stale bread at me.

Simon Le Bon looks like an Oompah Loompah if you have a widescreen TV.

Agreed. What on the surface looks like a brilliantly executed art statement cum scam turns out to be some bitter old feckers trying to make a spurious point that we were all aware of anyway.

OOh, OOh, Green On Red, double word score!

It's definitely a hard habit to kick. My first NME was in 1988 - Morrissey drinking from a bottle of Ecover washing up liquid. Since then I've not missed an issue, despite the fact it enrages and depresses me now. I think those who started buying it when it was really good find the addiction harder to break. I think Delbert will back me up on this - we've often shared the same gripe.

Norman Greenbaum?

and Gold Blade, and Macy Gray, and David Gray...

Oh, almost forgot - The Silver Apples and Goldfrapp.

Black Crowes Black Box Black Grape Blackalicious Black Black Eyed Peas Blue Deep Blue Something Blu Cantrell Deacon Blue Blueboy (2 bands had that name) King Crimson Deep Purple Red Box Three Colours Red Simply Red Pink Floyd Pink Peach Peach Fuzz Al Green Green (Scritti Politti side project) Green Day Hookers Green No1 Orange Juice Orange Deluxe Agent Orange Smashing Orange White Stripes Big White Stairs Barry White Brown Sauce Bobby Brown Angie Brown Count Indigo Golden Dawn Golden Goldbug Lemon Pipers Lemonheads Modey Lemon Mighty Lemon Drops Madder Rose Les Negresses Vertes Olive Tangerine Jon Spencer Blues Explosion Moody Blues Trembling Blue Stars Whiteout White Town and errr, Spectrum....

Kings Of Leon? Do real people actually like this band? Of course, if the propaganda theory holds true that would mean the results could say what they like. And The Libertines? I never thought I'd see a Menswear tribute band... perfect in almost every way, except that the former washed once in a while. I'd like to be thrown out of a plane when I die. I don't want to be cremated or buried, I'd just like to be tossed bodily from a plane after being embalmed with glitter. Preferably like to be dropped on the Trooping of the colour or match point in the Wimbledon final; something I could really ruin.

Hm, good theory, which would hold if you could find early recordings of Andre 3000 making novelty records in the style of Anthony Newley.

I was very tempted, but never got around to it. I never got to any of his talks, what with being right up here in the arse of beyond... pity.

I urge everyone to read Bill Drummond's excellent book '45'. It answers the question that without doubt the two are fucking geniuses. Tales of burning a million pounds, humiliating Rachel Whiteread at the Turner Prize, building a giant cube from cans of Tennents Super, then distributing them to down and outs on New Years Eve... faking an Icelandic punk band... stringing up dead cows from pylons... throwing buckets of blood on corporate record execs... burying works of art... and that barely scratches the surface. I was fortunate enough to see the 'FUCK THE MILLENNIUM' show at London's ICA in 1997. How many other gigs go as follows... a big picture of a brick projected onto the back wall whilst Irene Cara's 'Fame' plays on a detuned radio. Tony Wilson makes a speech. A piledriving beat starts, then Zodiac Mindwarp dressed in gold lame stands at a lecturn preaching. Drummond and Cauty appear in electric wheelchairs, dressed as old men in pyjamas, with giant rhino horns strapped to their heads. Drummonds appears to be caressing a dead swan, in some oblique reference to the death of Princess Diana. The next twenty-four minutes is a blur; I remember an opera singer, then a male voice choir dressed as fisherman singing 'To Those In Peril On The Sea'... then suddenly striking Liverpuddlian dockers walk onstage with placards chanting, 'FUCK THE MILLENNIUM! WE WANT IT NOW!' It was the most exhilarating event I've ever attended... On the way out we were all given large paper carrier bags with the legend 'FUCK THE MILLENNIUM' emblazoned across it. Inside was a copy of their single, a t-shirt, stickers and whatnot all with the same slogan. Afterwards hundreds of people crowding the tube with these bags must have been pretty freaky for the general public. A wee nugget of info for fans > A film is being produced; an odd road trip up the A9... the producers are trying to get Drummond to star in it. Watch this space, Planet Boo is involved in the soundtrack. So the answer to the question is HELL YES!

Hi - if any of the band are reading this I need an address urgently to send your merch to. Not sure when you are flying on Wednesday, so I'm conscious of trying to get it to you asap. Cheers, Patrick*

A big thankyou to all the folks at Drakes for contributing to what was a pretty cool nite, but was probably a pretty hard one for you, what with police and ambulances and whatnot. Youse all coped admirably I thought. ...And Sharon, maybe we should start a 'Swap Shop record owners club?' perhaps we could find some other poor shmucks who are as sad as us!

I may bring a supply of Grenadine and Red Bols to acheive such a feat... perhaps mixed with a bit of voddy and Red Bull. Perhaps we could call it 'Bikeride To The Moon'...

Planet Boo orbits Dr Drakes next Saturday nite, featuring a marvellous line-up of local bands - The Shakes, Le Reno Amps and Preemo, plus from Glasgow, Kirby - a superkool groop of Peppermint Patti Smiths... Plus disques du jour from meself, Lord Delbert of Franklin and perhaps one or two others. Prizes, sparkly things and possible sexual favours on offer, plus psychedelic rocknroll filmshows...possibly. More news soonsome.