Alvin Starclusk

Awesome. If you promised that I'd get to watch my mate put the shoulder he'd dislocated in the scrum that was "Song 2" back in to then go and dance to something pish (probably Terrorvision) then I'd drive up to Aberdeen in a shot for this. If you can get the hot girl that I'd known at primary school in Edinburgh, who I hadn't seen in 8 years, who always tried to make me dance to The Pixies - Debaser in front of her long term boyfriend along as well, that would complete the experience. But that may have been a Thursday. They were much the same blurry experience in the haze of my memory. Which was the night that there was always the bloke in the t-shirt ripped to look like ribs dancing hours before anyone else? Actually, if I've not moved to Dublin, still don't have a job in Edinburgh and can convince people I know in Aberdeen to come out, then I might actually be up for this...

See, what you've done there is give your money to a company who provide "fire and gas detection equipment with customers in 42 different countries across Europe" and expected them to make you a website. Rookie error. If you've got logos etc already, I'll knock up a few pages for you if you want.

Does anyone, I mean anyone, believe this shit: "One morning, I heard the noise of wood sawing and nails being hammered near my cell. I couldn't work out what it was. Then a woman came into my cell to measure me up from head to toe with a tape. "She shouted the measurements to a man outside. I was convinced they were making my coffin."??? Seriously, the MoD's made up stories are making the Iranian made up stories of a week ago sound plausible.

Indeed. Have just had a look at both fixture lists, and it looks to me that the Killie-Hearts game is the one we're really likely to fuck up. The ones that are going to be hard to call are the games for both of us against Celtic. They have a habit of being a little less than competitive once the league title's wrapped up (presumably the next game), so there could be a few freaky results over the next few weeks. If I was putting money on it though, I'd say Aberdeen'll likely get the UEFA Cup spot, unless Hibs do us a very unlikely favour in a couple of weeks time.

We get our two games against the Old Firm out of the way right at the start, but does give the Dons a chance to pull a good few points away - could be important psychologically. We are so shit right now, even though we're grinding out results, that I'd be far from convinced that if it came down to the Hearts-Aberdeen game at Tynie, that we'd get anything from it. Will be an interesting run-in, even if the football's likely to be pretty dire. I can't wait to get this shitey season out the way.

You need to be careful. I've read many articles which state that shiny red cars are particularly prone to oversteer and poor co2 emissions.

Who fancies a free PES victory then?

I'm slightly disappointed that this isn't just loads of people saying "fit", "quine" and "loon" for a week or two.

Having settled his lawsuit yesterday, I believe Graeme Rix is now available...

Truly shite, lip-licking kiddie-fiddler: I present Graeme Rix.

I have been to NYC with medichi. I can guarantee his list of things he wants to go and see that are terrible will be much longer than his wife's. How I managed to get away without seeing the fucking Billy Joel musical, I'll never know.

Rjd2 - The Third Hand Idlewild - Make Another World Not had a chance to listen to either yet.

That mad.

I'm going to Vancouver. I realise this may not be helpful.

Don't be silly. Five Star. They were stars and there were five of them. Simplistic genius.

"Awesome fucking Welles". Yes, yes they do. Hoxton cunts.

Don't be fucking retarded. Did you not read the news? Neptune's been being a bit frisky of late and thought it would play a bit of a crazy practical joke on the rest of our solar system. The cheeky japester. Pfft, science...

Well, they are when you have to carry a boot full of replacement parts which are swapped each and every day. So yes, the two are mutually exclusive. And I'm fed up of fucking pretend left-leaning fucking fuck-pipes telling me I shouldn't drive. Because the folk that pretend to be left-leaning fucking fuck-pipes who hate cars are invariably fucking Tories pretending they give a shit about anything. SO FUCK RIGHT OFF! Incidentally, the car I drive incurs a congestion charge every time I drive it into the centre of London, despite the fact that it gets better miles to the gallon than a fucking Prius.

Err, you are aware of which planet was "covering" it???

Better than that pap you were trying to feed us at the start of this thread...

It's an OK album. Number 4 in Rough Trade's albums of the year and they are about ONE MILLION times cooler than you, Kerrang Boy.

Good christ man! You owe me a new set of ears. My previous pair fell off from too much bleeding.

Some old people, to save on their free bus fares?

Thanks. Hugely practical when your job is as an engineer.