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6 years since I moved to Ireland, and for the last year or so I'd say I have proper mates, not friends, not acquaintances, but real mates, the kind that you know they're real mates because you rip the piss out of each other all night, but you know if you rang them at 4am for any reason they'd have your back. Went to the cinema with two of them last week and they're the kind of people who talk all the way through the film. Time to find new mates.

Cinemas are just a harrowing experience because everyone who goes to them is a bastard. Have you ever seen a film at the cinema where people didn't turn up late, loudly? There is no such thing. You could be watching the one and only screening of a completely unknown foreign film at midnight, and someone would still turn up late, post-trailers, and unzip the biggest, noisiest coat in the seat right next to you, and light up their face with their mobile phone on full brightness for the whole film. Keep the mates. Avoid cinemas forever.