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Showing content with the highest reputation since 10/19/2016 in all areas

  1. Day 1: Pa says they'll come round with bread soon but it's been 5 hours and we're beginning to not believe him. The baby in the corner won't stop crying. The rags her mum was able to grab before they rounded her up might not be warm enough to make it through the night. We've established a toilet corner, it smells so bad. The weaker among us have already been eaten. What's left of the rest of us will have to wait till sundown to know our fates. Sirens have been wailing all night. I'm cold.
    12 points
  2. When I was about 5 or 6 my dad was looking after my sisters and I one night. It was late at night, during a storm and there had been a power cut. We were huddled around a candle in one of the bedrooms. My dad left the room to go get a flashlight and whatnot. He had been away a good 10 minutes so we started shouting after him and were all getting a bit scared but he wasn't replying. We figured he'd gone out to the shed. A few minutes later we heard a sharp bang coming from one of the other bedrooms. We all freaked the fuck out. Then BANG... another one... then another one. Maybe 10 seconds apart, it just kept banging. It stopped after a while so I stuck my head out the door into the pitch dark and once again shouted for my dad. As soon as I did... BANG. I ran back into the bedroom. Silence for a while... then I decided I'd be the brave older brother and went out into the lobby and started tip toeing around the house shouting back to my sisters every few seconds saying there was nothing there. I get to the bedroom where the sound was coming from... slowly creaked open the door and saw two glowing eyes catching the moonlight. I immediately shrieked and legged it back to the bedroom, grabbed my sisters and we all tip toed back into the room to see what the fuck it was... We turned on the light without looking... It was my fucking dad playing a joke on us. He was lobbing marbles into a plastic laundry basket! Prick!
    8 points
  3. Complications from concussion... caused by years of being hit on the head by a wooden spoon, I heard. Only Badger knows the truth and tbh his silence on the matter speaks volumes.
    7 points
  4. Bet you guys never thought you would see me again. (Or wished. either way.) No one was called "Hedges" which was unfortunate at best. I'm the only member who still pursues music (As far as I know, maybe Stefan & Benson are still about). to put things straight for all the members who thought the thread was cruel, Don't, It gave me the kick up the ass I needed. For all of you who found and still find it funny, go ahead, Everyone is stupid when they are 15. (Fuck I chuckle at the myspace & thread every now and then). I will say I was genuinely that stupid as to not understand the sarcasm that was blatantly happening in that thread. Anyway I just popped in to say I hope you're all doing well for yourselves and thank you. I probably wouldn't work as hard as I do now if it weren't for you lot taking the piss. ~Have fun, Steve.
    6 points
  5. Yet not one of you moaning bastards would glass each other in a pub like a real man would.
    6 points
  6. Be a GBOL and donate or set up a box in your office/work etc for collection. http://imgur.com/a/QFwgR [/img]
    6 points
  7. I voted 'yes' last time round, although for a long time I was convinced voting 'no' was the right way to go, in fact it was the couple of days prior to the referendum date that swayed me. Of that I am glad. I will still be a 'yes' unless something drastically changes between now and the date of the second referendum - and I am more convinced than ever. Scotland has its very own, and nuanced political identity which stands aside from the rUK, but cannot ever hope to allow that to flourish whilst ruled from Westminster. Aside from anything else, it could take actual decades for there to be any true opposition to the Tories which presents a viable alternative, and well...fuck that. There is a lot about the SNP that I dislike, but once Scotland has its independence its people will begin to form its own political spectrum - I guess crucially the difference is that how individuals vote will actually matter for a change.
    6 points
  8. Alright, Peter Dow...
    6 points
  9. Little? Could be a full grown immigrant cat, you checked its teeth yet?
    6 points
  10. Man reading this has made me properly nostalgic. I think my early 20s, (i.e. 2002-2007) was the most enjoyable period of my life - mostly as a result of the aberdeen music scene and this site. Particular highlights were the 2 Balmedie wasteland BBQs (well I went to 2, there may have been more), and the wasteland Paintballing day out organised by Jason. Love the fact that you could just turn up to any gig, or Moshulu on a friday on your own knowing full well you'd know everyone when you got there. Myspace somewhat ruined things, and started to make this place a little redundant, or at least less apperciated - because having random kids from USA like your band photo became more important than writing the best songs you could and playing Lava/Kef ("4 local bands... £8 please") 400 times until you were actually not a totally shit band anymore. 'Real' bands music was less pro-tooled* as well so everything sounded a bit more unique back then, with all its imperfections and individual production/performances. As much as I still absolutely love listening to, writing and playing music these days - it meant so much more back then, and you could attach it to real memories and experiences. I'm happy with how my life turned out, but even when a great new album comes out it's not the same when the event I attach it is driving to my work place of 11 years, doing the weekly shop, watching something on netflix, and then going to bed at a semi-reasonable hour. Memories. * And I say this as a massive fan and avid (arf) user of pro tools for ten years now.
    5 points
  11. Sure. Perhaps a quick "Are you using mailers or jiffy bags?" would do. I still have the e-mail of the best one! Here it is: "Please send ASAP to *address*. You should not use a jiffy bag, and you should send by following these steps: Step one. take the record out of the sleeve. dust off any of your fingerprints, dust or residue present before sending. Step two. place 12x12 card between sleeve and LP still inside paper sleeve (this stops the sleeve from bending around the shape of the vinyl) with additional card on outside of sleeve and outside of LP. Step three. place in mailer (here is an example of a record mailer - *link* please use this kind) in the assembled order from step two. Step four. send to me via special delivery. I expect you to send as above as I do not wish to use negative feedback. thanks" He didn't even pay for Special Delivery postage, the cheeky shite! Nah. Fuck that. You're getting it in a bin bag, after I've pissed on it.
    5 points
  12. "A" flame thread...
    5 points
  13. I'm gonna be rich when I open a gentleman's barber that sells siphon coffee stout in a viking horn and a gourmet burger that drips beard oil into your face muff as you bite into it cos it only has a top bun.
    5 points
  14. They're being unreasonable. I'm sitting with a friend so read this out to him and he suggested your pal just do something nice for the whole office. Use some of the money to throw a party, put some money behind a bar or take them out to dinner. This way she doesn't need to feel guilty about it once it's done and if the supervisor is still being a prick to her after it, they can't really justify it.
    5 points
  15. Yeah. That was me. Let's fight. My beef is more with Amazon Logistics. Amazon have somehow put together their own courier service that is worse than Yodel ever was. They keep delivering my stuff to a similar address a mile down the road. It's a different post code, and a different street name. They both just have St Peter in the name. I have to keep going to the guys house to get it, and he's getting pissed off with me. But what can I do? I keep getting on Amazons case about my address. I even screenprinted Google maps of where I live and emailed it to them asking them to stick it on the packaging, so their shithead driver can find me. But it still gets sent to the wrong house. I have to get everything sent to the Amazon lockers now, and they're ages away. Recently, an Amazon driver knocked on my door and gave me a parcel. (They can find me when it's not for me!!). I wasn't expecting anything. I looked at the address and it was not for me. The address wasn't even similar. I have no idea why he was here. I told him where the street was. "Oh ok" he mumbles, and he leaves. The next day, the same driver comes back with the same parcel. I tell him again that it's not for here, and where the street is. He says "Can't you take it there?". I shit you not. A delivery man asked me to deliver a parcel for him. I said no and told him again where the street is. It's just down the road, right on the main road. He leaves again. About half an hour later, I go to take my recycling out. I open my garden gate. What is on the floor on the other side of the gate? The fucking parcel. I phone Amazon and told them that their shithead driver is shit. I ask them if the guy is going to come back and get the parcel. They say "No. you can just keep it". That was their solution. They don't even want to recover and redeliver it. I didn't keep it. I walked down the road and gave the woman her parcel, because I'm a great guy, much greater than Amazons customer service. Me > Amazon. The woman didn't seem very grateful though. I should have kept it. That crabby little shit.
    5 points
  16. Oh man. Being a full time FMer would be grand. You could watch the replays of full matches of upcoming opponents. Not just one game, but several, scout how they play, assess weaknesses, adjust your tactics to go at their weaknesses, shut down their most effective players. Smash them to pieces. Imagine having that time to invest in it. Instead, I only get a couple of hours a night to go at it, so it's just: Spacebar Spacebar Spacebar West Brom (a) Team Talk > Calm > You should be winning this match with no problem at all 1-3 W Spacebar Spacebar Fakename Regenovic wants to discuss personal matters with you Give us a game boss, yeah? Nah, you're not that good Wait 'til the press hears about this Move to > Reserves Spacebar Spacebar Best player injured 3 months out Crystal Palace (h) 0-1 L Repeat until I hate myself and turn it off.
    5 points
  17. I was on the fence last time. I wanted independence, but the Better Together campaign did put the fear in me. Currency, EU membership, Top Gear. All things we might have lost if we were to vote yes. I was so on the fence, come the day of the referendum, I didn't vote. I sincerely didn't know. If it went tits up either way, I didn't want to have to say "I voted that way, soz pal". Cowardly, I know. But I felt I wasn't educated enough to make the decision. A large part of me not voting Yes last time was EU membership. Then we get dragged out anyway. I agree that people should realise that something like being dragged out the EU when Scotland voted remain is definitely indy2-worthy. I was on the fence, then voted remain, all to stay in the EU just to have that lush comfy EU rug pulled right from underneath me. Now I'm sitting on an old, chipped laminate that needs a good sweep and mop but the Tories won't go to Home Bargains to grab me the tools essential to make where we now are more comfortable. I'm not a fan of SNP. I think they really do tend to neglect us up here. But to be fair, if you live north of Aberdeen next day delivery is at least 2 days away. SNP are like the Royal Mail. But they steal less birthday money. Like others have said, we get independence, then we can get the SNP tae fuck if we so desire as a country. But just because independence has been SNP's long term goal as far as I can remember, doesn't mean a Yes vote is an SNP vote. I'll be definitely voting Yes this time around. With the hopes of retaining some sort of relationship with EU. Kind of like when you and your mrs have some really great mutual friends, then your mrs takes a disliking to them and demands you stop talking to them too. Nahh, dump the mrs and hang out with yer cool mates. We need to dump England before it's too late to send EU a cheeky facebook message asking to grab a coffee and a catch up. UKIP and Tories seem like an unstoppable force down south. And with those silent Tories in Aberdeenshire during the last Scottish election, we need to distance ourselves from the "red white and blue hard brexit" austerity mongers. Scotlands voice is definitely unheard in westminster. We definitely have a very different political stance to rUK, but it is going completely under-represented. I see loads of videos of SNP folk "demolishing tories" but in most of those videos, the place is empty. And folk like Mhari Black seem to be talking to the few brick walls that HAD to turn up that day. Any time SNP put a question to May, she sort of swats it away. No real answer, and most of the time, her and her tory cronies just laugh as if to say "haha check Jock trying to bring his scotch politics down here. this is england, fuck off" then continue on with cutting benefits, privatising the NHS, Trump-ing immigration and storing Nukes, when scotland seems to be very much against all of those.
    5 points
  18. I posted this on Facebook yesterday. It's not exactly how I feel, but pretty close to it and a great article. https://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2017/mar/14/scottish-independence-referendum-snp-vote-brexit Things that I hope for this potential referendum: -People against it stop claiming that the last one was a 'decisive no', because there was 10% in it. -They can also stop acting as if nothing has changed since the last result and this is just the SNP wanting to hold a referendum every few years until independence is achieved. Anecdotally, my parents who reluctantly voted no in 2014, both said on the day of the EU referendum result that if there was another Scottish referendum, they'd vote yes this time around because they want to remain part of the EU. This time around we have an unelected Prime Minister who is making plans (what plans? lol...) to leave the EU. Bit of a change in circumstances since 2014. -Both sides should stop citing poll numbers to further their cause. By 8am today I had already read an article called "Setback for SNP as Scots reject independence in fresh poll." and another, "Support for independence soars to all-time high." It's almost as if we won't find out for sure what the majority of the country was feeling until the date of the result or something?! Also, polling for the last few big elections has turned out to be bollocks. Remember when Cameron and Miliband were neck and neck and Labour were going to have to do a deal with the SNP to form a majority? And when the UK definitely was not going to vote to leave the EU? And Clinton was going to trounce Trump by about 20%? -People are able to differentiate independence from the SNP. That was the biggest hurdle for me last time and turned me from a "probably not" to a "heck yes". -There's more certainty to what the Scottish government and yes campaign want. Other than coasting on the whole WE LOVE THE EU AND HATE THE TORIES thing, which a number of people in Scotland obviously do not, this time around, they need to have bigger and better arguments in favour of an independent Scotland and also give definitive answers about currency, etc. Don't just Salmond it. -In fact NO SALMOND INVOLVEMENT WHATSOEVER would be nice.
    5 points
  19. I know this is often ranted about, but the fact that some people think that if a Facebook status is long, contains figures and fits in with their racist worldview then it must be the truth. Someone I know posted: STATE PENSION - keep this going please Read and pass on: Dear Prime Minister I wish to ask you a Question:- "Is This True?" I refer to the Pension Reality Check. Are you aware of the following ? The British Government provides the following financial assistance:- BRITISH OLD AGED PENSIONER (bearing in mind they worked hard and paid their Income Tax and National Insurance contributions to the British Government all their working life) Weekly allowance: £106.00 IMMIGRANTS/REFUGEES LIVING IN BRITAIN (No Income Tax and National Insurance contribution whatsoever) Weekly allowance: £250.00 BRITISH OLD AGED PENSIONER Weekly Spouse Allowance: £25.00 ILLEGAL IMMIGRANTS/REFUGEES LIVING IN BRITAIN Weekly Spouse Allowance: £225.00 BRITISH OLD AGED PENSIONER Additional Weekly Hardship Allowance: £0.00 ILLEGAL IMMIGRANTS/REFUGEES LIVING IN BRITAIN Additional Weekly Hardship Allowance: £100.00 A British old age pensioner is no less hard up than an illegal immigrant/refugee yet receives nothing BRITISH OLD AGED PENSIONER TOTAL YEARLY BENEFIT: £6,000 ILLEGAL IMMIGRANTS/REFUGEES LIVING IN BRITAIN TOTAL YEARLY BENEFIT: £29,900 Please read all and then forward to all your contacts so that we can lobby for a decent state pension. After all, the average pensioner has paid taxes and contributed to the growth of this country for the last 40 to 60 years. Sad isn't it? Surely it's about time we put our own people first. Please have the guts to forward this. or copy an paste I JUST DID! Ughhhh 'please have the guts to forward this'. ILLEGAL IMMIGRANTS AND ASYLUM SEEKERS AREN'T THE SAME THING! An 'illegal immigrant' isn't going to try and get benefits when they know they're in the country illegally and will be found out if they do. It took me longer to think of a polite, short way to tell them it was bullshit than the one minute it took to find a government PDF disputing the claim. No wonder people voted Brexit and Trump got elected. Stop pretending to give a shit about old people, poverty and the benefits system just to mask your racist. The same goes for sexual assault. Why do these people not give a shit about the victims until someone with a different skin colour is accused. Just be consistent, you pricks, you have never and will never have the moral high ground.
    5 points
  20. Sloppy shoulders sounds like a bukkake complaint.
    5 points
  21. Who'd've thought that buying unlisted shares in a company build on cheap marketing ploys and pandering to fads would be a glorified Ponzi scheme? xx
    5 points
  22. Confession - After living off Paisley Road for three years I'm no longer a Rangers fan. You were all right, they're a bunch of total cunts. I'm moving back to Aberdeen shortly.
    4 points
  23. I e-mailed the council about something last week. Then yesterday, the person who responded to my e-mail (accidentally) included me in a non-work related e-mail she was sending to colleagues, possibly to another person with the same first name as me, and Outlook auto-completed it as it often does. Long story short, I ended up with an e-mail full of pictures of Fiona the Hippo
    4 points
  24. Last night I arrived late at Krakatoa's BBC Fringe night. The Inevitable Teaspoons were already on stage and after a few minutes I was thinking they had a really good drummer. Then I noticed it was Chris who used to be in the Malpaso Gang. The band were very well rehearsed with none of that annoying tuning up between numbers. They unusually featured a trombone player and together with a sax it made for a big sound from this five piece band. Their set went down very well with a large and appreciative audience. The last band featured in this BBC showcase was The Malpaso Gang who were featuring their new femme singer, Eilidh Connolly for the first time. Eilidh showed no sign of nerves and confidently sang great as if she had been with them for years. Well done Eilldh. The whole band are very tight and Abermusic- member Flaneur played some great some great guitar solos. Their 'hot number' Tabasco has benefited from great national publicity over the last couple of months and last night was no exception with the audience joining in the Tabasco chorus. I expect much more success for the Gang. Flashes' enterprising Krakatoa venue has another BBC Fringe night this Friday 25th May. Best not to miss it.
    4 points
  25. I love how the natural measurement of cost of living to Scottish people is the cost of a pint. Never fails. "Went to Namibia on safari... saw lions and elephants... water buffalo quenching their thirst at an oasis as the sun caressed the horizon" "good aye?" "fucking magic... 50p a pint!!"
    4 points
  26. I had one of the most surreal moments of my life involving mumble rap. I'll keep it brief. Actually, it's not that interesting but whatever... Me and the missus bought a new car a few months ago. First day we got it we took a drive to the seaside, just for a rekkie. Went to a town called Long Beach on Long Island. About 40 minutes from NYC. Parked up and walked along the boardwalk. A few hundred yards up the boardwalk we see this huge crowd of people kinda all swaying together in sync. Talking like 200-300 people. We thought it was some demonstration or... dunno flash mob or something. As we get closer we see the nick of some of the people. Lots of face tattoos and day-glo clothing and vape clouds and they were all rapping the same song. Turns out we had walked straight into Lil Peep's funeral service. Stayed for a bit, saw a kid jump off the boardwalk and break his ankle, got ice cream, went home, googled Lil Peep.
    4 points
  27. I ordered pair of sandals for the missus off tinterweb, and instead of a pair of sandals worth £20 arriving I received a North Face jacket for £150.
    4 points
  28. Only acceptable when labeled as Top Tips
    4 points
  29. I always go to the same barber. Local, €12, in an out in half an hour. Minimal shitchat. Last year I decided to go to a trendy barber that opened nearby for a change of scenery. You get a free beer and they have PlayStations. There was someone in the chair when I arrived so I waited a while. I noted the guy was unusually chatty and it was taking a while, but nothing could have prepared me for what was coming. As soon as I sat in the chair he started with an absolute blizzard of bullshit. Like Jay Cartwright levels of bullshit. Here's a few of the tales he spun me. He was the brother of a famous Irish international footballer. He (the hairdresser, not his brother) used to play for Arsenal. He'd played alongside Vieira, Henry, Pires etc. He'd made 1 or 2 appearances in the first team, was loaned out to Aston Villa, but fell out with the manager there and never played a game. Had his career ended after a training ground tackle by an Arsenal teammate who had a grudge against him (I can't remember who but it was someone famous). Moved back to Ireland, starting playing for League of Ireland teams, was the all time highest scoring player in LOI history (he had only recently retired, he was a young guy, maybe about 30). Got 1 Ireland cap while playing in LOI, missed a free kick by inches. Had since become a qualified barber, owned this place (he didn't), had won Irish barber of the year so many times they wouldn't let him enter the competition any more. (I Googled all of this when I got home and it was all bullshit, every word). Claimed to be a very very rich man who owned a string of businesses but was wearing a tracksuit. I'm not saying he was definitely off his face on drugs, but he was slurring his words, his eyes were half closed and at one point he tripped over my foot and ended up sitting on my lap. Gave me comfortably the worst haircut I've ever had and spent so long talking (he couldn't cut hair and talk shit at the same time apparently) that the whole thing took an hour and half. Took 25 quid off me for the privilege. I went back to my usual place after that.
    4 points
  30. Give her the 5k to 'make it right' then start a campaign to pressure the recipient of the 5k to 'make it right' by returning the money to it's rightful owner. Turn the whole office into a quagmire of conflicting morality.
    4 points
  31. Yup, any one of the 70's Washburn bird series guitars should do the trick. Everyone knows pigeons hate the sound of a wailing guitar.
    4 points
  32. New thread title - Tennents nom nom nom
    4 points
  33. Facebook Racists - settle the fuck down guys. Just cos we sent a dear john to the EU doesn't mean we're back to the glory days of The Raj - stop being cunts and get back in your boxes.
    4 points
  34. 'pro life' pricks protesting at the Maternity hospital.. get tae fuck! shame their mothers never aborted them
    4 points
  35. I enjoyed this post. You're the Metaphor and Simile Champ. But I did read the above quote in the voice of Barry Shitpeas.
    4 points
  36. It doesn't cost a jot to have a Private Housing officer come out, nor to have them trace owners for you. Also, if you have an overseas landlord who conveniently ignores emails about repairs and money, the council can put up a missing share if they deem the repair to be integral to the safety of the building - damp/water ingress always are - and they'll chase the dodger for the money owed. I can PM you a direct line to an officer if you like, so you don't have to go through the automated maze, and then probably end up speaking to one of the useless admin bints who will try to fob you off saying they can't help you.
    4 points
  37. beetle drives. How good were they!?
    4 points
  38. I'm not sure what to make of all this. Seems like brewdog is trying to undercut an underfunded council out of money they're entitled to, which other large companies would pay out of civic duty as much as legal obligation. Then again, they make beers that say punk on em so can someone explain. Deal?
    4 points
  39. 4 points
  40. Don't really know where to put this but it's ace-ic as fuck https://streamable.com/kzea
    4 points
  41. Are there 5 left? xx
    4 points
  42. Getting shot of all forms of social media has been pretty ace-ic. Between the FBI manny looking through your laptop camera, Zuckerberg selling your data and the whole fake news thing... it's all getting a bit toxic. Was never a rabid facebook user but would idly scroll through most days. Don't miss that site in the slightest. Twitter was good for football stuff and the occasional lol but too many annoying opinions I really didn't want to know about kept popping up no matter how hard I tried to suppress them. Instagram is fairly harmless but its still a time suck and no matter how casual you are with it, you're still chasing that like-dragon. Only thing now is... noone talks to me anymore. Don't have fb messenger or instagram messages so I get nae memes or invites to social gatherings. ...It's bliss.
    3 points
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