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  1. 14 points
    Respect to everyone but UNF are good!
  2. 14 points
  3. 14 points
    It has to be better than hearing a wood depressed though.
  4. 13 points
    I have an AGFW like Teabags does! Also, amusingly, her initials are AG. To give you some context, she is in her early 30s but speaks as though she was raised by grandparents, y’know, like she has a really old way with words. She also volunteers with kids in her spare time, so has this mega-weird way of speaking to you like she’s trying to be your teacher, your mum, your friend and your boss all rolled into one irritating human being. She thinks she knows EVERYTHING but is totally misinformed about a lot of stuff, so I’ve stolen a Homer Simpson-ism for my description of her: a know-nothing know-it-all. I don’t mind stupid people, but stupid people who think they are smart are tragic. She doesn’t seem to have her own opinions, just phrases she’s clearly heard other people say before, but she hasn't listened to what they've followed them up with (eg: me and my boss were talking about the monarchy and how they should do away with it and just have a fictional royal family, because it’d save money but tourists would still come to look at the palaces and things. I said something about waiting for the day when we become a republic and she butted in, “But think about it, would you really want David Cameron as your President?” What does that even mean? I don’t want him as my Prime Minister, what difference would him being President make? She didn’t have an answer for me.) I’m usually really polite to people. Tediously polite. Generally, I have a lot of patience but not with her. I think I may even come across as, god forbid, rude at times. My relationship with her is now basically me just correcting things she comes out with. She is my opposite in every way. Other than gender (I assume), I have yet to find one thing we have in common. It got to the point that once in the break room, she asked what I had for lunch and when I told her it was something with chillies in it and she said, “Oh, I don’t really like spicy food.” I walked out the door sighing and said audibly, “Of course you don’t.” She has a story for everything and you can’t have a conversation with anybody else without her steamrolling all over it to talk about something she’s done or somebody she knows. And she always knows better than you do. Pretty quickly, she’ll go off on such a tangent that everybody has stopped listening. I imagine if I asked her what kind of music she likes, she’d probably say, “I don’t really like music.” She is very vocal in being “one of the lads”, to the point where I don’t think she likes other women much. You know when people sort of give off a Clarkson vibe? She’s like that mixed with Alan Partridge. She does this thing that I’ve noticed a lot of people, mainly older women, in the central belt do, which is when they’re introducing a woman in a story who we aren’t supposed to like, they’ll say, “Then this FEmale comes along” in a really scornful way, as if it’s a dirty word. It’s so weird. She uses the word ‘banter’ a lot and goes on about how great her ‘banter’ with various male family members is and then catches herself out by trying to give an example of some great back-and-forth that she’s had with a cousin or somebody, but can’t think of one quickly enough so it’ll be something along the lines of, “Oh, we REALLY wind each other up. He’s like ‘You’re an idiot.’ And I’m like ‘I know you are, but what am I?’” She’ll tell a story about people she knows and say things like, “So, I was with my cousins. Well, I say cousins but what I really mean is my God-mother’s son and daughter-in-law" so she has this never-ending family tree. Recently she told a story about one of her male cousins, who is the same age as her and isn’t actually her cousin and the great banter they have, constantly winding each other up. She told a story about how when they were both 19, he’d joined the army so she hadn’t seen him for a while but they were reunited at his parents’ place and ended up having a tickle fight. Then his girlfriend, who AGFW had never met before, walked in on them and got understandably weirded out by it. AGFW ended up getting on her high horse about that and was a dick to her, refusing to see the problem and making out that it was a totally normal thing for two grown-ups to be doing. It reminds me of that episode of Friends where Danny and his sister have a freakishly close relationship and wrestle. TL;DR: She's the worst and I think Ricky Gervais might have created her. Anyway, I’ve been keeping a draft in my email of dumb stuff she comes out with or just anything I find particularly annoying. Thinking of releasing it as a book. HER: “I made a massive faux-par (sic), did I tell you? Well, you know that meeting yesterday I thought was today?” ME: (No) “Yeah..?” HER: “It turns out it’s tomorrow. I just saw the suggested dates were the 2nd and 3rd but they’ve gone with the 3rd. I’m not having a good day!” (That isn’t a faux-pas. You’ve half-learned how to pronounce faux-pas but don’t know how to use it properly in a sentence.) “I think I might have just put the bat amongst the pigeons.” (I genuinely think she might have just had a slip of the tongue with this one when she tried to talk too fast, because later she also said “I’ve put the cat apung the pigeons.”) “It is rather quite funny. Let’s be honest.” Baba O’Riley had been on the radio for two minutes. Suddenly, she exclaimed, “BAYWATCH!” We blinked in her direction, confused. HER: “It’s the theme from Baywatch.” ME: “It’s The Who.” HER: “I’m pretty sure it is.” ME: “I think you’re thinking of something else...” “That’s definitely FUBAR-d” Another colleague offered me a can of that compressed air with one of those nozzles in case I wanted to clean out my keyboard. Having done this the day before, I declined. ME: “It’s alright.” AGFW: “Ha, you're like ‘Nah, it’s okay’!” (Yep. Yep, I am like that.) My colleague from South Africa told us about a drink from there called Mampoer and how she got to sample some homemade stuff last time she was back home. AGFW: “Is it like that Sunshine stuff?” COLLEAGUE: “I don’t know what that is.” AGFW: “Like, a really strong homemade drink that can make you go blind.” ME: “Moonshine?” AGFW: “Here’s a bit of useless trivia for you – New York City is not in the state of New York.” ME: “Yes it is.” (She had been on Google Maps and looked at it wrongly.) Once she had a Cream Egg at her desk and mentioned that she knew the barcode off by heart. I second-guessed her and hoped that she wouldn't tell a story if I said, "Oh, did you used to work in a shop and would have to look it up as the foil would fold over and the barcode couldn't be read by the machine?" It didn't work. She repeated back what I'd just said in different words, told me about how she goes into shops sometimes and will quote the number to staff members, if she's buying one, before they go to look it up (ugh). She then said, "It's a good bit of useless trivia for pub quizzes." When would that EVER come up in a pub quiz? I asked her this and she tried to back out of it and used the phrase "general knowledge". That isn't general knowledge. That is very specific knowledge. She referred to Bristo Square in Edinburgh, twice, as Bisto Square. BISTO. As in “Aaaah, Bisto” “Dreams are just your unconscious.”
  5. 12 points
    Day 1: Pa says they'll come round with bread soon but it's been 5 hours and we're beginning to not believe him. The baby in the corner won't stop crying. The rags her mum was able to grab before they rounded her up might not be warm enough to make it through the night. We've established a toilet corner, it smells so bad. The weaker among us have already been eaten. What's left of the rest of us will have to wait till sundown to know our fates. Sirens have been wailing all night. I'm cold.
  6. 12 points
    Four months after leaving a dreary, soul-crushing finance job that was eroding my will to live, I've just signed a contract to write about sports for a living. Working from home initially, then moving to Poland (Newcastle) in a couple of months. This is pretty close to a dream job for me. Feeling pretty fuckin' wonderful at the moment.
  7. 11 points
    My Vote goes to the UNF for President!! :o)
  8. 11 points
    UNF are by far the best band ive seen live this year. The energy that they bring to every gig is insane.
  9. 11 points
    Little one arrived right on her due date and both Harper Alice Davies and her mum are well. Big change, but a lot of fun!
  10. 10 points
    So, what you're saying is, we should leave Sandi alone?
  11. 10 points
    For a real London experience - Buy a tailored suit and a bowler hat from Saville row and just walk Around really fast early in the morning with an air of self importance, tutting at tourists. Then clock in to a soul sucking job in finance where you don't do anything of any worth but get really stressed about doing it. Later, stand proudly in the way of everyone at a wine bar where a drink costs more than your hourly wage and talk loudly about your job. Make sure to have way too much to drink so by the time you take your three buses home you're nice and ready to have a cry in front of the bathroom mirror.
  12. 9 points
    Second interview turned out to be a there and then job offer. Yay!
  13. 9 points
    Miso sorry to hear that.
  14. 8 points
  15. 8 points
    When I was about 5 or 6 my dad was looking after my sisters and I one night. It was late at night, during a storm and there had been a power cut. We were huddled around a candle in one of the bedrooms. My dad left the room to go get a flashlight and whatnot. He had been away a good 10 minutes so we started shouting after him and were all getting a bit scared but he wasn't replying. We figured he'd gone out to the shed. A few minutes later we heard a sharp bang coming from one of the other bedrooms. We all freaked the fuck out. Then BANG... another one... then another one. Maybe 10 seconds apart, it just kept banging. It stopped after a while so I stuck my head out the door into the pitch dark and once again shouted for my dad. As soon as I did... BANG. I ran back into the bedroom. Silence for a while... then I decided I'd be the brave older brother and went out into the lobby and started tip toeing around the house shouting back to my sisters every few seconds saying there was nothing there. I get to the bedroom where the sound was coming from... slowly creaked open the door and saw two glowing eyes catching the moonlight. I immediately shrieked and legged it back to the bedroom, grabbed my sisters and we all tip toed back into the room to see what the fuck it was... We turned on the light without looking... It was my fucking dad playing a joke on us. He was lobbing marbles into a plastic laundry basket! Prick!
  16. 8 points
    O'Deon Dublin is a fantastic cinema and a fine footballer.
  17. 8 points
    It's... ...filling a Gap there then!!!!!!!
  18. 8 points
    it's called a hijab
  19. 8 points
    Booked my vegas wedding for next year
  20. 7 points
    Complications from concussion... caused by years of being hit on the head by a wooden spoon, I heard. Only Badger knows the truth and tbh his silence on the matter speaks volumes.
  21. 7 points
    Some recent quotes from my AGFW. FTR this person is privately schooled and is now my manager. We need to get on top of the gameball He's a dark fox She's clueless as a breeze The clue is in the pudding You need to delete your history browser. Do you know how to get to your history browser? There's a lot of switching and swatching This is so fustrating (sic), I'm pulling my teeth out You need to have a symbol sign in your password, like an explanation mark The cheques are all over the air I'm afraid your order has been overviewed That's not the problem, the problem is there's a bug on the virus. I deeply apologise on that behalf. It comes from some city in England, Stokeholm or something. It's supposed to be done every Monday, but I think it's fallen through a hoop. We don't need things dripping and drapping on us. They're pulling me around the block I can't say it any more clearer It was just a mistypo. What do you want me to say? I'm sorry for the mistypo. I feel like a talking part at this stage Be careful that doesn't come back on the long foot We were going to do that but unfortunately you beat us to the pulp I think there's an error on the system server There's things that slip through my pipeline He's trying to play the pity party on you. I softblowed that too. Shaun emailed five times and I emailed twice. Thats six emails. It would be nice to have everyone on the same wavepage I'm not a rocket science... lady I have a very irated customer on the phone It disappeared, it just... vamoosed I thought I saw it this morning but i might have been overseeing things They're still just trying to get their feet on gear I couldn't understand his accent, I think he's Pakistanian or something It was an overview and an overlook from that department.
  22. 7 points
    To my absolute delight, I quit my job last week and so my adventures with my AGFW were over before they really began! I’ve asked my pal in the office to keep me updated her unfathomable stupidity so I can report back on here. I sent him a link to this thread because I thought he’d enjoy everyone else’s AGFW stories. I’ll try and encourage him to sign up as a member... Here is my final collection from my draft email folder ‘OH GOD OH GOD, SHUT UP, YOU ARE THE ABSOLUTE WORST.’ “I’m waiting on a mirage of emails.” She held up her finger to show me a cut, “I papercutted myself. Well, it wasn’t on paper, it was on a tin last night.” “Ugh, I didn’t think this report would take so long to do! Pluck a duck. That’s what I say to that: pluck a duck.” What? On my last day, I decided that I’d challenge her on more of the dumb stuff she comes out with rather than just ignore her. Mainly for the amusement of aforementioned office-mate, but also because usually she says this stuff and people just want her to shut up, so don’t respond and she probably thinks she’s mega clever. Someone mentioned something about the Clangers and she butted in, “Have you seen the new Thunderbirds? It’s rubbish, it’s all CGI!” she kept asking if we’d seen updated versions of old kids’ TV shows. After “Have you seen the new Postman Pat?”, I gave up trying to ignore her and said, “No, I haven’t seen any of these. I am an adult without children.” (She is also an adult without children) “But Postman Pat’s gone all PC!” “Oh, how? Does he no longer spout racial slurs?” “No, Postman Pat never used to swear! But he’s got a kid now! And there’s an Asian family and an Indian family in the square now.” (it's a village, not a square, you idiot.) “What's wrong with that? That’s just reflecting diversity within society.” “But... but he’s got a kid now! It’s gone political correct!” “How is having a kid politically correct?” No answer. When I repeated this story later on it was later pointed out to me, by my dad of all people, that there were always families of different ethnicities in Postman Pat. Also, he always had a son - Julian! Fuck up, AGFW, you don't know what you're talking about! Her catchphrase is “Does that make sense?” and it usually follows something that is not in any way difficult to comprehend. She uses it like punctuation, it’s mental. It’s so frequent that I know there are better examples of it than this, but the only one I can remember from a couple of weeks ago occurred when a colleague was doing a report about some work carried out on a school, “Is St ____’s Primary School the same thing as St ____’s RC School?” I said that I thought so just as it’d be odd for there to be a ‘Saint’ something school and it not be a Catholic School. We resolved it very quickly, basically, but 30 seconds later she said, “I think it is the same school... Does that make sense?” I hate it SO MUCH. We kept saying we’d take a tally of how many times a day she says it but we'd always lose count. For a period of time, because we were sure she’s not aware of saying it, we started responding every single time rather than leaving it as a rhetorical question. “Does that make sense?” “Perfect sense.” “Does that make sense?” “Absolutely.” “Does that make sense?” “Crystal clear.” She still hasn’t realised. As touched upon previously, she thinks she knows everything and has to have her say on every single thing. She never acknowledges when she’s wrong, even when she’s said something with complete conviction that turns out to be bullshit. We’ve got a number of Polish speakers at work, as well as Czech and Slovak, so a while ago (before AGFW started) one of the easier words ‘dobra’ sort of entered everybody’s vocabulary and it began to be commonly used by us all instead of ‘good’ or ‘okay’. One of the fluent Polish speakers was in our office on the phone, acting as translator for a client, and said the word a few times. When she hung up, I said “I’d forgotten about dobra. Great word!” and my colleague asked what it meant. AGFW butts in, “It means thanks.” in such a matter-of-fact tone. IT DOESN'T - STOP SAYING WORDS, YOU DON'T ALWAYS NEED TO SAY WORDS! Apparently she used to work on cruise ships, something she would bring up at least twice a day. A guy at our work goes to Goa for a month every January to escape the depressing Scottish winter and someone in the office mentioned it. "I've been to Goa." she said. We all politely ignored this. She said it again a few minutes later and someone humoured her, "Did you enjoy it?" To which she replied, "Well, I was only there for four hours." THAT ISN'T THE SAME AS SOMEONE GOING TO GOA FOR A MONTH EVERY YEAR FOR THE LAST TWENTY YEARS! Then she went to great lengths to explain that she, having worked on ships, has "been round the world twice", implying that she has visited every country. She phrased it exactly like that about four times in one (largely one-sided) conversation. Since then, she has also mentioned a number of places that she hasn't been, thus contradicting the statement. When she learned that I am moving to Canada soon, she HAD to relate it to herself in some way by saying, "I've not been to Canada before, but I've been to America..." then started talking about America. I think a list of places she hasn't been needs to be compiled so that at some point in the future when she says she's been around the world, someone can say, "Oh, how was Canada? Tell me about your adventures in Syria." Again, another time when I mentioned that I was going to New York on holiday, my friend in the office started recommending things he'd done when there because we have very similar interests in a lot of things. AGFW then recommended a bar that she and her workmates on the cruise ships would go to when they went to New York, "There's a great Irish bar that you should go to. I can't remember the name of it, but it's just off Broadway." You know, Broadway, that tiny tiny street... If she wasn't actually an idiot, I'd just think she was a very clever parody of one. My pal from work (MPFW) has been texting me updates of things she says while I'm gone. "Abu Dhabi is nice... I've only been to the airport in Abu Dhabi." Someone else in the building apparently came into our office and asked AGFW how to transfer something from her laptop to another machine using her memory stick. According to MPFW: "She was basking in the glory of being in the limelight. 'It's like riding a bike - once you've done it a few times, it becomes second nature'." USING A MEMORY STICK IS LIKE RIDING A BIKE Christ.
  23. 7 points
  24. 7 points
    You all should be ashamed of yourselves.
  25. 7 points
    The latest addition to the bass stable - a 1975 Gibson Ripper which has been painstakingly restored from a beat up, badly painted, badly defretted hunk of wood: To this: My involvement in this escapade was limited to rough surface prep (sanding, steaming out/filling dings), parts procurement and most of the wiring. Everything else (final surface prep (removing my scratches), the beautiful refinish (which the above picture does no justice to), the rescue of the fingerboard, the refret, the final assembly) was done by my good friend Rich Lewis in BoD. Really happy with how it's turned out.
  26. 6 points
    Bet you guys never thought you would see me again. (Or wished. either way.) No one was called "Hedges" which was unfortunate at best. I'm the only member who still pursues music (As far as I know, maybe Stefan & Benson are still about). to put things straight for all the members who thought the thread was cruel, Don't, It gave me the kick up the ass I needed. For all of you who found and still find it funny, go ahead, Everyone is stupid when they are 15. (Fuck I chuckle at the myspace & thread every now and then). I will say I was genuinely that stupid as to not understand the sarcasm that was blatantly happening in that thread. Anyway I just popped in to say I hope you're all doing well for yourselves and thank you. I probably wouldn't work as hard as I do now if it weren't for you lot taking the piss. ~Have fun, Steve.
  27. 6 points
    Peter Dow's Standard Bearer 6: The fight for freedom (and your heart) 9.5/10 IGN Navigate legal minefields and proposition government officials as you play a hopeful suitor armed only with keyboard and a hard-on in this action-packed thrill-ride of a game from the makers of Tweetstorm Aberdonia: The Queen Must Die. Available exclusively on Windows 8.1
  28. 6 points
    Yet not one of you moaning bastards would glass each other in a pub like a real man would.
  29. 6 points
    Be a GBOL and donate or set up a box in your office/work etc for collection. http://imgur.com/a/QFwgR [/img]
  30. 6 points
    I voted 'yes' last time round, although for a long time I was convinced voting 'no' was the right way to go, in fact it was the couple of days prior to the referendum date that swayed me. Of that I am glad. I will still be a 'yes' unless something drastically changes between now and the date of the second referendum - and I am more convinced than ever. Scotland has its very own, and nuanced political identity which stands aside from the rUK, but cannot ever hope to allow that to flourish whilst ruled from Westminster. Aside from anything else, it could take actual decades for there to be any true opposition to the Tories which presents a viable alternative, and well...fuck that. There is a lot about the SNP that I dislike, but once Scotland has its independence its people will begin to form its own political spectrum - I guess crucially the difference is that how individuals vote will actually matter for a change.
  31. 6 points
    Alright, Peter Dow...
  32. 6 points
    How ever long you go down for, it will be a life sentence for your cell mate.
  33. 6 points
    Little? Could be a full grown immigrant cat, you checked its teeth yet?
  34. 6 points
    Good on West Ham to get out of the Europa League whilst they can. Missing out on those fixtures will give them the legs and the freshness through the league season to help them qualify for next season's Europa League.
  35. 6 points
    Admittedly, I gleaned some useful things from the book, but the interview process struck me as a bit of an ego trip for the managing director. I and two others got to final interview and presentation stage, and the director didn't appoint any of us, stating: "I must admit to not really knowing what it was I was looking for in the candidate." Habit number two of 7 Habits of Highly Effective People is: Begin with the end in mind. Either irony is lost on him, or he's quite the enjoyer of elaborate trolling.
  36. 6 points
    AGFW almost made me explode!!!!!! AGFW is notoriously bad at explaining issues. Everyone knows this. His descriptions are completely lacking and he often needs someone else to explain the issue for him. So today I'm in the kitchen getting coffee and he comes in, to get a fucking cup of tea, and says "The worst part about this job is trying to figure out what *other worker* is taliking about." My fucking head was close to fucking exploding...but then...I look over...and he's literally holding a fucking black kettle. Fuck me. Right in the fucking eyes.
  37. 6 points
    "By the way if anyone here is in music marketing or A&R…kill yourself. It’s just a little thought; I’m just trying to plant seeds. Maybe one day they’ll take root – I don’t know. You try, you do what you can. (Kill yourself.) Seriously though, if you are, do.Aaah, no really. There’s no rationalisation for what you do and you are Satan’s little helpers. Okay – kill yourself.Seriously. You are the ruiner of all things good.Seriously.No this is not a joke. You’re [going], “There’s going to be a joke coming.” There’s no fucking joke coming. You are Satan’s spawn filling the world with bile and garbage. You are fucked and you are fucking us. Kill yourself. It’s the only way to save your fucking soul. Kill yourselfPlanting seeds.I know all the marketing people are going, “He’s doing a joke…” There’s no joke here whatsoever. Suck a tail-pipe, fucking hang yourself, borrow a gun from a Yank friend – I don’t care how you do it. Rid the world of your evil fucking machinations. (Machi…) Whatever, you know what I mean.I know what all the marketing people are thinking right now too: “Oh, you know what Bill’s doing? He’s going for that anti-marketing dollar. That’s a good market. He’s very smart.”Oh man, I am not doing that, you fucking, evil scumbags!“Ooh, you know what Bill’s doing now? He’s going for the righteous indignation dollar. That’s a big dollar. A lot of people are feeling that indignation. We’ve done research – huge market. He’s doing a good thing.”Godammit, I’m not doing that, you scum-bags! Quit putting a goddamn dollar sign on every fucking thing on this planet.“Ooh, the anger dollar. Huge. Huge in times of recession. Giant market. Bill’s very bright to do that.”God, I’m just caught in a fucking web.“Ooh, the trapped dollar, big dollar, huge dollar. Good market – look at our research. We see that many people feel trapped. If we play to that and then separate them into the trapped dollar…”How do you live like that? And I bet you sleep like fucking babies at night, don’t you?“What didya do today, honey?”“Oh, we ah, we exploited some teenagers. Filled some young people's heads with hopes and dreams, bled them dry then discarded them."Sleep like fucking children, don’t ya. This is your world, isn’t it?"
  38. 6 points
    There is a review below of the Malpaso Gang's performance at Captain Tom's a week ago and last night I saw them again with a totally different show at Drummond's Cafe. Last week the Gang played all original numbers and this time there was a huge variety of material including some of their own but mainly a variety of country, rockabilly and rock'n'roll. The show which ran for an hour and half was very popular with the audience and I have never seen so many dancers on Drummond's floor. Some of the dancing was a show in itself and would best be described as agile and athletic. Aberdeen Music's own Bigsby, (Mr 49 guitars), handled all the vocals and another Aberdeen Music stalwart Flaneur played some great licks on tunes as varied as Jim Reeves "He'll Have to Go" to an excellent version of Don Raye and Freddie's Slack's 1940 hit : "Down The Road A-Piece." A smiling Bigsby asked the ladies in the crowd if they would like some Willie tonight? This was the cue for a version of "Almost Always On My Mind." It has been recorded by hundreds of different artists, the most famous of which is that by Elvis Presley. Last night Bigsby eschewed Elvis's big ballad approach and sang a behind the beat version in the style of Willie Nelson. No Malpaso Gang show is complete without their self penned tribute to "Tabasco Sauce." Bigsby even said , "Our rider demands 10 bottles of Tabasco" and sure enough the audience enthusiastically joined in the now familiar Tabasco chorus. Other Gang favourites reprised included "White Lightning" and "Folsom Prison Blues." The biggest reaction of the night came for "Ten Long Fingers on the 88 Keys" a number that only sold a few hundred for Groovey Joe Poovey back in 1958. There were some really great bass lines and solid drumming on this rockin' number that has become a firm favourite with Malpaso Gang fans - they were even singing the words while they bopped around on the dance floor. The original version was less than three minutes but with a little bit of Da Capo the Gang made it into five minute tour de force. At 90 minutes this was the longest performance I have seen from The Malpaso Gang and on this showing they ought to be playing bigger venues.
  39. 6 points
    I too have an AGFW! Well she isn't that annoying in fairness, she's just really really exceptionally dumb. I also have a selection of my favourite quotes of hers in my email drafts. Her worst traits are that she tries to use professional language while in the office and especially when talking to clients on the phone, but she just uses words that she's heard other people use, and she doesn't know what they mean, so she uses them all in the wrong context, which is hilarious. And about 20 times a day she tells customers she's going to put them through to their sales rep, but she always says she's putting them through to one of our "Sales Representations". I should correct her but it makes me laugh so much. She waffles in between it all as well, until people on the phone have no idea what she's talking about. She kind of confuses them in to submission. I've never met anyone who butchers the English language quite like her. This is an snippet from an email she sent to a major customer: She also totally butchers metaphors, which is a constant source of amusement. Some quotes from her in the past few weeks: We need to get on top of the gameball He's a dark fox She's clueless as a breeze The clue is in the pudding She does have all her outgoing phone conversations on speakerphone. That's fucking annoying. Just pick up the receiver.
  40. 6 points
  41. 6 points
    Agreed. And in addition to this: no coat hooks in places there should be coat hooks. The only seat left at my favourite coffee shop the other day was a high bar stool. Ideally, there would have been a hook under the ledge where I put my coffee, but there wasn't and so I had to sit on my jacket like a schmuck. "If there is no back to your chair, a coat hook should be there" as the old saying doesn't go.
  42. 6 points
    I saw Theresa May and the Centrist Women of the People way back before anyone knew who they were. Their first EP is the best thing they've done IMO.
  43. 6 points
    It's the motherfuckers who cycle on the pavement that get my goat. Wellington Road is rife with them during rush hour. I've just stopped moving for them now, which is probably going to get me splattered someday, but the level of seethe when they have to get off their bike/go onto the road is awesome. Get yourself a helmet, get some hi-vis, read the Highway Code and get the fuck off my pavement with your self-entitled attitude, you little shit. I'm the pedestrian: you have to worry about getting in my way, not the other way around. A lot of cyclists have this weird idea that they're some kind of impoverished, persecuted sect of humanity and all. I get it, cycling in the city is really dangerous, there are a lot of mad bastards on the roads, and it's probably pretty terrifying, but that doesn't give you the right to put my safety as a pedestrian at risk.
  44. 6 points
    Don't be a fucking cretin, clear up after yourself after camping or don't bother going in the first place.
  45. 6 points
    Passed my driving test yesterday at my first attempt!
  46. 6 points
    Got married at the weekend! Myself and Mrs. Acula had the best time.
  47. 6 points
    That's horrendous. Still, if Aretha Franklin comes to play she could do a nice cover..."A.E.C.C.G.E... find out what it means to me"
  48. 6 points
  49. 6 points
    Finding out the parasite in my wife's belly will be a girl.
  50. 6 points
    To be fair she'd never done it in the previous 117 years so she had a great track record of not dying - there's no way anyone could have foreseen that that would change now.
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