Dan G Posted May 19, 2008 Report Share Posted May 19, 2008 A couple of years ago, I came up with the concept of Metalliban - its really quite self explanatory. I made a myspace page and the fuckers deleted it. Anyway, the idea recently cropped up again so I thought I'd share it here:Cliff Turban - bassDurka Mohammed - lead sitarJihad Jetfield - vocals/rhythm sitarLarge Oilrig - drumsIt featured reworking of classic metallica songs, including:Sikh and DestroyTrapped Under RiceOsama SaidEnter SanjeefSaddam But True...And Justice For AllahSanskritariumIslam I Evil?Disposable HindusNot stricty Taliban related, but amusing neverthelessThe above is my personal favourite.Line of felt becoming clearer...ENTER SANJEEFSay your prayers little one, Don't forget my Son,To include every bomb.I tuck you in, wires within,Suicide isnt sin, When the infidels come.Creep with one eye open,Gripping your semtex tight.Exit life,Enter flight,Take my Qur'an,We're off to AfghanistanSomething's wrong, flashing light,Are my wires on sight?Think Im on the wrong flight.Dreams of war, dreams of fire,Taliban's Empire,Hope I blow up tonight.Creep with one eye open,Gripping your semtex tight.Exit life,Enter flight,Take my Qur'an,We're off to AfghanistanNow I lay me down to sleep,Pray Allah my soul to keep.If I should die before I wake,Ive done my job, for Islams sakeHush little Sanjeef dont say a word,And never mind that noise you heard,Its just the turban on your head,Ticking faster BOOM! Your dead.Exit life,Enter flight,Brains on sand,Exit life,Enter flight,Take my Qur'an,We're off to join MetallibanINVADE IRAQMuslims seem to fade awayDetonating every dayBeen brainwashed to kill myselfAllah matters, no one elseI have lost the will to liveAfterlife has more to giveThere are virgins all for meNeed a bomb to set me freeThings not what they used to beSold or shot my familyTheft has cost my chance to feelGot no hands because I stealDynamite is filling meBurqa lined with TNTGlowing jacket make me warmI was me, but now hes a bombNo one but me can save this plane, but its too lateNow I just think, think of my seventeen wivesAfghanistan seems as though it never existedDeath greets you all, infidels just say good-bye! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lovers_spit Posted May 19, 2008 Report Share Posted May 19, 2008 Not really that self explanitory a name.Em, is this meant to be a joke yeah? Sorry man I find this really quite unfunny. Saying that, I constantly come out with worse puns so all power to you*edit/ the 7 frets kirk guitar thing is pretty good actually Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
medichi Posted May 19, 2008 Report Share Posted May 19, 2008 Ha ha! Fucking great!(Although you clearly have too much time on your hands!) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mouse Posted May 19, 2008 Report Share Posted May 19, 2008 This is the best thread ever! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dan G Posted May 19, 2008 Author Report Share Posted May 19, 2008 Not really that self explanitory a name.Em, is this meant to be a joke yeah? o_O No, those are actual photos of metallica... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RF Scott Posted May 19, 2008 Report Share Posted May 19, 2008 Pretty good, though the Taliban are islamic, non? Might have to edit the tilaka! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fatboy Posted May 19, 2008 Report Share Posted May 19, 2008 haha that was well funny totally laughed at iti say lets get a single recorded Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sue Denim.. Posted May 19, 2008 Report Share Posted May 19, 2008 Fucking excellent. That 'Enter Sandman' rendition was pretty damn good. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hog Posted May 20, 2008 Report Share Posted May 20, 2008 Trapped under rice. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
south_trendkill Posted May 20, 2008 Report Share Posted May 20, 2008 this is beyond awesome, did you come up with all this dan? its hilarious! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dan G Posted May 20, 2008 Author Report Share Posted May 20, 2008 yeah man, it's all my ideas!Good practise for my photoshop skillz too... Check this one.Khyber Lightning Pt2:Lyrics to follow shortly... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rass Posted May 20, 2008 Report Share Posted May 20, 2008 Damn you and your mad photoshop skillz! Fucking ace as ever man Love the fact in the first pic all you had to do to kirk was give him a bindi. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dan G Posted May 20, 2008 Author Report Share Posted May 20, 2008 Damn you and your mad photoshop skillz! Fucking ace as ever man Love the fact in the first pic all you had to do to kirk was give him a bindi.haha, that's exactly what Andy Sneap said when he saw it!Cheers dude. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lemonade Posted May 20, 2008 Report Share Posted May 20, 2008 This is racist shite that's about as funny as cancer, you seriously need to get a life. Plus, I love the way you've just decided to lump the whole of Asia and the Middle East together, and two if not three different religions under the heading of terrorists. Why would the Taliban, an extreme Muslim sect, be wearing Sikh turbans, and wearing Bindis, which are worn by Hindus, for example? Must do better in future. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lovers_spit Posted May 20, 2008 Report Share Posted May 20, 2008 o_O No, those are actual photos of metallica...yeah. em. that was a statement designed to undermine the funniness of the whole thing.the bit with the frets is good, but on the whole just seems to me like a xenophobic jibe at people you dont understand, and its just come off a bit naff to me. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dan G Posted May 20, 2008 Author Report Share Posted May 20, 2008 This is racist shite that's about as funny as cancer, you seriously need to get a life. Plus, I love the way you've just decided to lump the whole of Asia and the Middle East together, and two if not three different religions under the heading of terrorists. Why would the Taliban, an extreme Muslim sect, be wearing Sikh turbans, and wearing Bindis, which are worn by Hindus, for example? Must do better in future.I am very well aware of the differences between Sikhs, Hindus and Muslims, and most importantly the difference between all the above and 'fundamentalist extremists'. I'd call them 'terrorists' but you'd probably throw a hissy fit about how referring to them in such light is against their human rights. Half the humour comes from the narrow-minded ignorance of lumping all asian, arab and middle-eastern types into the same category. Have you ever told an englishman/irishman etc. joke? If you have then you're a fucking hypocrite as that is just as much a racial stereotype, and if you haven't then you're mostly likely a boring twat who is all for calling the following; "baa baa rainbow sheep", "refuse sacks" and "Seasonal Greetings" instead of "baa baa black sheep", "black bags" and "merry christmas" respectively - wouldn't want to offend anyone now would we?Funny thing is, I bet you're the sort of person that doesn't bat an eyelid at an english/irishman joke but jumps on your high horse the second the middle east is brought into a satire. To be honest,I think it is more racist to actively AVOID taking the piss out of a specific racial group, than it is to take the piss out of them all.Maybe you don't know the metallica back catelogue inside out, or maybe cleverly photoshop images combined with bad puns is not your humour of preference. Either way, 99% of people, especially Metallica fans (which is what the above is aimed at) find it funny and aren't offended by it... so take your PC bullshit and go and listen to your Spice Girls cds.yeah. em. that was a statement designed to undermine the funniness of the whole thing.the bit with the frets is good, but on the whole just seems to me like a xenophobic jibe at people you dont understand, and its just come off a bit naff to me.See above.It's stereotyping. Commonly used in humour. Ever told a blonde joke? Ever watched a stand-up comedy DVD? Ever laughed at anything other than a knock-knock in your life ever, before, ever?I am very aware of the vast difference between all the racial and religious sects that I have lumped into the same category. Jeez...Humour is subjective. I'm sorry that you didn't find it funny.By the way "xenophobia" is a fear or contemp of foreigners, which is not the same as racial ignorance. I neither dislike or am afraid of foreigners, and at no point have suggested so in any of my posts on this thread. If you are going to brandish me with lavish titles, please at least do so accurately. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Old Gold Posted May 21, 2008 Report Share Posted May 21, 2008 Still, it's a bit knuckleheaded really, even if you're not easily offended. I don't quite get why lumping different religions into the same negative category + Metallica = more funnies.Lol terroristz? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dayeth Posted May 21, 2008 Report Share Posted May 21, 2008 I think it's fucking hilarious. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Demon Of The Fall Posted May 21, 2008 Report Share Posted May 21, 2008 Ive decided to come out of retirement for this hilarious thread Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dan G Posted May 21, 2008 Author Report Share Posted May 21, 2008 Still, it's a bit knuckleheaded really, even if you're not easily offended. Wrong! It would be knuckleheaded if I actually thought all Sikhs, Muslims, Hindus were terrorists. I don't. I know the differences. Once again... Have you ever laughed at or told an irishman joke? Now, do you genuinely think every irishman on the planet is stupid? I don't quite get why lumping different religions into the same negative category + Metallica = more funnies.I actually thought of the concept of Metalliban years ago, however; James Hetfield (the singer in Metallica) was recently informed he should do something about his beard before flying because he looked like a terrorist. Airport authorities panic anytime they see someone with a middle eastern beard, even if they're a 100 million-albums-selling rockstar... and I'm the "knuckleheaded xenophobe"?Hetfield Held Up for 'Taliban' Beard - AOL NewsEven if you don't find Metallica puns, comedy lyrics, decent photoshopping and racial stereotyping in anyway amusing - consider that the Metalliban concept is satirical due to the above news article combined with the general western mis-understanding towards middle eastern religion.KHYBER LIGHTNINGGuilty as chargedSaddam, it ain't rightThe Taliban's controlling meDeath in the airStrapped in the pilot's chairThis aircraft's filled with TNTWho's made of bombs today?I'll take your lives from youStash C4 insideDon't know how to flyLearning in my planeWish I'd caught the trainWait for HassanTo flick the switch of deathThe plane's beginning to descendNerves, taking holdMy bowels just lost controlI need a dump, my muslim friendMy fingers grip my rearWhat time for diarrhoeaFlush before I flyTurds fall out the skyBurning anus painArse can feel the flameSomeone help meOh please, Allah help meThey're trying to take my bombs awayI just want to dieTime-bomb ticking slowThe minutes seem like hoursNot far ‘til US Embassy How true is this?My pants are filled with pissI wish I still worked for BTAmerican air-hostess screamThis is the muslim dreamAsh pours out the skyNow it's time to dieBurning in my planeHail Saddam Hussein Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Frosty Jack Posted May 21, 2008 Report Share Posted May 21, 2008 It would be interesting to post this on an American messageboard and see what reaction you get... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dan G Posted May 21, 2008 Author Report Share Posted May 21, 2008 It would be interesting to post this on an American messageboard and see what reaction you get...The old Metallica is back? - Page 4 - Ultimate Metal ForumNo one (including/especially) americans complained...Terrorists have hit the likes of Madrid and London in recent times. My images don't refer to, and infact AVOID references to 9/11 or any other specific terrorist attack so I don't see why Americans should be offended by it more than anyone else? If anything, the fact that you assume they would only highlights the U.S.'s paranoia when it comes to middle eastern types... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Frosty Jack Posted May 21, 2008 Report Share Posted May 21, 2008 The old Metallica is back? - Page 4 - Ultimate Metal ForumNo one (including/especially) americans complained...Terrorists have hit the likes of Madrid and London in recent times. My images don't refer to, and in fact AVOID references to 9/11 or any other specific terrorist attack so I don't see why Americans should be offended by it more than anyone else? If anything, the fact that you assume they would only highlights the U.S.'s paranoia when it comes to middle eastern types...That was my point though. I wouldn't expect Americans to complain, quite the opposite. The typical "Dude, that's awesome LOL!!!" response just proves my point. I have my doubts that our transatlantic friends fully appreciate the 'satire' of your 'ironic ignorance' and suspect they may just be enjoying the ignorance itself. Of course, the responses there may not all be from Americans, I dunno. But there do seem to be a couple of objections though at least - "Good satire is only achievable when you know what the hell your talking about and making fun of."But anyway, if that's your world view and your sense of humour then that's up to you obviously. You're entitled to it, but you also have to accept that others are entitled to dislike it and say so. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lovers_spit Posted May 21, 2008 Report Share Posted May 21, 2008 Don't get me wrong. I think making fun of different races and religions can potentially be very funny providing its not actually hate (clearly yours isnt, im not saying that) and I can take being slagged for being ginger or a jock or (formerly) being catholic as much as i dish it out, its more the fact you didnt seem to show you knew much about who you were mocking.But aside from the fact you seem to now just be covering your ground by saying you were bunching them all together for humourous effect. I may be wrong...Putting the whole tired P.C arguement to one side, the puns arent funny, and though the photoshopping is pretty good, the idea is just a bit rubbish, really. S'just what I think. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dan G Posted May 21, 2008 Author Report Share Posted May 21, 2008 That was my point though. I wouldn't expect Americans to complain, quite the opposite.But anyway, if that's your world view and your sense of humour then that's up to you obviously. You're entitled to it, but you also have to accept that others are entitled to dislike it and say so.Sorry, I slightly mis-understood the point of your first post. I don't have a problem with people not liking my sense of humour in the slightest. I'm fully aware of how massively subjective humour is. What I have a problem with is the hypocrites who get all high and mighty after being 'offended' by the stereotyping of a race/religion that they have absolutely no connection with, and throw around terms such as 'racist' with all the accuracy of Stevie Wonder pissing in a train troilet. (actually I probably shouldn't use Stevie Wonder as an example, what with him being black and all...)But aside from the fact you seem to now just be covering your ground by saying you were bunching them all together for humourous effect. I may be wrong...I wasn't covering ground. I intentionally lumped everyone into the same category and I am very aware of the fact that the taliban don't wear sikh turbans or have hindu bindis. I've also got a picture of an islamic James Hetfield with a bacon sandwich and a bottle of vodka on the dashboard of his fighter pilot. If I ever post it up here I'll make sure to put a massive disclaimer informing you of my awareness that Muslims can't eat pork or drink alcohol.I think making fun of different races and religions can potentially be very funnyAs long as you don't get carried away and make them wear someone else's hat...?What do you call a tennis match between Stevie Wonder and Helen Keller?Endless loveYou're mocking the disabilities of specific people here.how many potatoes does it take to kill an irish man?noneThe potato famine caused thousands of deaths amongst irish families.But giving a muslim a sikh's headdress is a step too far...[p.s. I thought both your jokes were actually pretty funny , but I'm proving a point about hypocrisy...) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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