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[HummerOfIntenseEvil]

Right, I cannae be arsed ending up being an engineer so it's time I got a move on with the rock-star-cum-generation-spokesman idea.

For a start, if you hate the Manics, don't read any further. You idiot.
If you think Oasis are the best band in the world, don't read any further. You idiot.
If you don't have any strong opinion on the Manics, and have heard The Holy Bible and Generation Terorists, keep reading but you'll probably be wasting your time.
If you don't have any strong opinion on the Manics, but HAVEN'T heard The Holy Bible or Generation Terrorists, you have potential.
If you love the Manics, you're half way there.
If you know what significance there is in breaking chocolate into a bowl, welcome aboard.

Anyway, here's the story: I've got tons of lyrics, none of which have the word babe in them, but several of which contain secret Partridge phrases. They concentrate on issues a bit more intriguing than Bush, Blair or Iraq (cos unlike most people I was into political/social commentary stuff before 11/09/2001), but have enough humour to make them more Manic Street Preachers than Member of Scottish Parliament.

I also have a ton of music. I dunno how to describe it cos it's not like I try in earnest to copy anyone (well I try to copy The Holy Bible, but it's never happened), but it's rocky stuff. Suppose some of it is quite poppy too, but in a good way. However, the music is secondary.

ANYWAY, the matter in hand: I will be singing (read as: bellowing out of tune) and I'm sure that with a bit of practice I would manage to play guitar while singing, but I want a second guitarist anyway, for the fuller sound. Also need a bassist and a drummer. These two are more important. I may even be interested in a synth player cos I've been in a NIN mood lately. While I'm not about to go for the cliched "talentless musicians wanted lol lol lol", it's not overly important if you aren't a virtuoso on your instrument. Like I say, the actual music is secondary, it is merely the vessel for the message maaaaaaaaaaaan, so we'll see what we can come up with.

Here's the thing: as far as I'm concerned, anyone over 25 has nothing of worth to say to the youth of today. You are no longer young, so you might as well get on with the coffee table music. A bit of a blinkered view perhaps, but then why do all the best lyricists need to pretend they are younger than they are? Incidently, I'm 22, and I think I would have to be the eldest in the group, cos that limits us to 3 years to make it big as it is. Even though I intend to do it in 1.

So, the criteria (for the ideal candidates) is as follows:
Age: 21 or under.

Sex: only if you are a girl (ho ho ho.) But seriously, male or female, gay or straight. But no one who's had a "gay experience" i.e. snogged your mate when you were both pished because you thought it would be hilarious and zany.

Drug habits: none, not even hash, cos I can't be arsed trying to organise a bunch of stoners. And it's a bit silly if I'm singing about how pathetic it is that people need to get stoned to enjoy themselves if the people beside me are well known tokers.

Preferably non-smokers, or at least not full on 20-a-day types. I like to wear my jeans for days on end, but this is not possible if I'm hanging around with Smokey Joes all the time.

No members of the SSP. I'm no Tory, but I don't like to encourage getting money for being a lazy cunt. Even though one of the reasons I want to do this is cos I don't want to get a proper job.

No fat people: I'm not forming a Bowling For Pie Soup tribute band.

N1 wh ndrstnds ths: m nt n2 txtspk.

No one who cried when Diana or George Harrison kicked the bucket: I have a song about people like you.

No one who would be offended by a song criticising Sarah Payne's disgracefully fame-hungry parents.

No paedos.

Having said all that, I am willing to comprimise on any of the above if you are otherwise very promising. Maybe not the paedo one though.

This might all sound a bit narrow-minded, but I really can't be arsed with time wasters. I'm not in this for sex and drugs, I want to get people to question the way they live their lives, to try to improve themselves and increase their knowledge, like the Manics and the Clash have done for me. And besides, my mummy wouldn't approve. (I'm only half joking - do these so called rock stars ever think about what their parents are gonna read in the papers???????????)

I'll sit back and await the huuuuuge flurry of replies.

[Mick Maverik]

How can you pack so much ignorance and prejudice into one post is beyond me. I'm not a massive Manics fan, I think they are ok, bordering on good, but nothing special. That doesn't mean I'm an idiot. Different influences keep a band varied. And what the hell are you on about? "The music is secondary" ? Having meaning to your lyrics and a message behind what you are doing is important, but by no means does it take presidence over the music. It's called music ffs, not message! Do you go into shops looking for a new CD in the "message" section? Brighten up your ideas mate. And don't bother with a smart assed reply or PM because I wont read it.

[GraemeC]

Yes I can see the kids worshiping at his feet any day now.....cos as we know the charts are jam packed full of non smoking middle class manics worshiping losers...

[purplefrodo]

you aint never gonna be a spokeseman for my generation!

[spellchecker]

if you really want to make a difference, lobby the government to get a move on with human cloning, cos it sounds like you just want five versions of yourself. mind you, by that time you'll be over 25 probably, so you'll be of no use to yourself. you may have also outgrown the manics by that point. the stress of having to survive in the real world may have started you smoking by that point - in which case you'd probably start moaning at the government about tax on tobacco and cigarettes, which will turn you to the SSP! Christ, it's looking pretty grim!

alternatively, you could just start writing music that is good, then all the people you want for a band will probably come knocking at your door. in my experience, being in a band is about making compromises to keep everyone content, manifesting the creative side of your mind, but most of all - having fun with people you like, playing to people who appreciate why you are doing what you do.

[Ross]

Well Pete Doherty has left The Libertines... Maybe you`ll fit right in!

[Frosty Jack]

Originally Posted by HummerOfIntenseEvil

Right, I cannae be arsed ending up being an engineer so it's time I got a move on with the rock-star-cum-generation-spokesman idea.

For a start,.
.
.
.
I'll sit back and await the huuuuuge flurry of replies.

*jaw drops*
that is either a brilliantly twisted piss-take, or the worst post ever.
*jaw drops again*

[Moshulu Rob]

Originally Posted by HummerOfIntenseEvil

do these so called rock stars ever think about what their parents are gonna read in the papers???????????)

thankfully, no.

em anyone gonna reply to this chance of a life time

[kfaar_giladi]

Hey man, what the fuck was your post all about? I hope you are taking the piss. I am actually quite shocked. I'll come back later when I think of something witty...