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[jeelie1]

Bass player offenses/fines list

Name of offender _____________________________
Date of offense(s) _____ / _____ / _______

Musical offenses

Playing loudly during warm up — $10
Sound-checking amp with funk slapping — $25
Loud cursing after mistake — $10
Playing high and fast after mistake — $20
Practicing 2-handed tapping between tunes — $20
Asking for "E" tuning note — $25
Playing E anyway when horns tune to Bb — $50
Playing written-out walking line — $50
Failure to play written walking line — $75
Writing note names over ledger-line notes — $50
Writing beat numbers under dotted figures — $50
Playing eighth notes — $5 each
Playing sixteenth notes — $10 each
Playing above 1st octave-immediate dismissal
Dragging fast tempo — $75
Dragging ballad tempo — $100
Blacking out during ballad — $200
Ignoring drummer's tempo — $100
Following drummer's tempo — $250
Asking to borrow Real Book for All Of Me — $1000

Upright player offenses

Showing up before first downbeat — $25
Playing audibly — $25
Faking changes — $25
Slapping — $150
Missing tutti lick, then mentioning vintage of bass — $25
Excessive sweating — $25
Pedal point double-stops during horn solo — $50
Asking leader for a solo — $30
Accepting solo when offered — $50
Taking second chorus — $100
Playing solo arco — $400
Pretending to check tuning after playing out of tune — $25
Playing "A Train" ending on every tune — $200
Playing extended "A Train" ending on every tune — $500

Electric player offenses

Checking hair between tunes — $15
Experimenting with odd meters — $25
Missing root at end of blistering fill — $25
Playing with a pick — $50
Tuning during ballad — $30
Playing Jaco groove on samba — $75
Playing Jaco samba groove on ballad — $150
Attempting last word on final chord — $50
Achieving last word on final chord — $100
Long gliss down to final note — $200

Equipment violations—electric

Forgetting strap — $10
Changing strings after every set — $15
Using electric tuner — $15
Setting up mic "just in case" — $75
Forgetting to turn amp on — $40
Bringing amp larger than 1 person can carry in 1 trip — $50
Asking horn player for help moving amp — $25
Bringing custom-made bass — $100 per string above 4
Bringing more than 1 bass — $100 per extra bass
Skull decals on bass — $150
Bringing fretless bass — $500

Criminal bad taste

Telling bone player about all the gigs you get — $10
Asking bone player about their day gig — $10
Sitting behind drums on break — $10
Quoting "Birdland" — $25
Practicing scales during break — $25
Practicing scales during drum solo — $50
Practicing — $150
Beginning a sentence with "When I was a guitar player" — $50
Casually mentioning to Musical Director of cheap theater that you are "into sequencing" — $100

Basic stupidity

Wearing old Buddy Rich tour shirt — $10
Wearing new Whitesnake tour shirt — $20
Asking when the rock set starts — $20
Continually asking "where are we?" — $25
Continually shouting "Yeah!" — $25
Asking bone player where "1" is — $50
Taking cellphone call during 4's — $100

[jon]

There are two, and only two, bass related offences that can be committed, and they are as follows:

Not slinging your bass low enough = booking, followed by a second yellow if not immediately rectified.

Slap bass = straight red.



In the words of that Hetfield fella, nothing else matters.

[Afro Droid]

Originally Posted by jon

There are two, and only two, bass related offences that can be committed, and they are as follows:

Not slinging your bass low enough = booking, followed by a second yellow if not immediately rectified.

Slap bass = straight red.

In the words of that Hetfield fella, nothing else matters.

I'm with him, the original post is a load of muso toss. Gimme Dee Dee over that Flea wanker anyday...

here's a tip for bassists. if you join a band and during one of the early rehearsals one member of the band hands you a printed ticket on which he has outlined an "offence" you must exit the band quickly, they are obviously ding as fuck.
RUN AWAY!

[Spoonie]

Originally Posted by Jonny Lucifer

I'm with him, the original post is a load of muso toss. Gimme Dee Dee over that Flea wanker anyday...

says the man looking at the five-string! you'll be playing 'portrait of tracy' before you know it

/x

[WoodyRATM]

Originally Posted by Spoonie

says the man looking at the five-string! you'll be playing 'portrait of tracy' before you know it

/x

Oi! You just have small girlie hands

hehehe i'm kidding.

[Afro Droid]

Originally Posted by Spoonie

says the man looking at the five-string! you'll be playing 'portrait of tracy' before you know it

/x

I was actually just gonna take the 5th string off y'know! I can barely cope with 4...

Anyone out there wanna sell me a Thunderbird for £20?

[Kaizen]

i like the way that no one replied to this for almost 2 years after it was posted...

[jamesbroonbreed]

Originally Posted by Kilgore Trout

here's a tip for bassists. if you join a band and during one of the early rehearsals one member of the band hands you a printed ticket on which he has outlined an "offence" you must exit the band quickly, they are obviously ding as fuck.
RUN AWAY!

Seconded