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Old 28-04-2009, 09:59   #31 (permalink)

 
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What do you call a Scottish man that's almost home?


Hamish
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Old 28-04-2009, 10:16   #32 (permalink)
Exposure @ Lemon Tree


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What do you call a Scottish man that's almost home?


Hamish
I couldn't believe you fuckers told that joke onstage last night.

The gig attendance was increasing right up until that point, then everyone left.
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Old 28-04-2009, 10:42   #33 (permalink)

 
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Blame Gary!

If he could tune his guitar properly I wouldn't have had to kill time on stage!
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Old 29-04-2009, 16:20   #34 (permalink)

 
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The difference between a Soul Band and a moose is,................
With a moose, the horns are in the front and the arse hole is in the back!
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Old 29-04-2009, 19:25   #35 (permalink)


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The pastor entered his donkey in a race and it won.
The pastor was so pleased with the donkey that he entered it in the race again, and it won again.

The local paper read:

PASTOR'S ASS OUT FRONT.

The Bishop was so upset with this kind of publicity that he ordered the pastor not to enter the donkey in another race.

The next day, the local paper headline read: BISHOP SCRATCHES PASTOR'S ASS.

This was too much for the bishop, so he ordered the pastor to get rid of the donkey.
The pastor decided to give it to a nun in a nearby convent.

The local paper, hearing of the news, posted the following headline the next day:
NUN HAS BEST ASS IN TOWN.

The bishop fainted.

He informed the nun that she would have to get rid of the donkey, so she sold it to a farmer for £10.

The next day the paper read: NUN SELLS ASS FOR £10.

This was too much for the bishop, so he ordered the nun to buy back the donkey and lead it to the plains where it could run wild.

The next day the headlines read: NUN ANNOUNCES HER ASS IS WILD AND FREE.
The bishop was buried the next day.

The moral of the story is .. .. . being concerned about public opinion can bring you much grief and misery . . even shorten your life.

So be yourself and enjoy life.

Stop worrying about everyone else's ass and you'll be a lot happier and live longer!
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Old 29-04-2009, 19:52   #36 (permalink)


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I was at my bank today; there was a short line. Just one lady in front of me, an Asian lady who was trying to exchange yen for dollars.
It was obvious she was a little irritated. . .
She asked the teller, 'Why it change? Yesterday, I get two hunat dolla fo yen.
Today I only get hunat eighty? Why it change?'
The teller shrugged his shoulders and said, 'Fluctuations.'
The Asian lady says, 'Fluc you white people too!'
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Old 29-04-2009, 19:54   #37 (permalink)


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The teacher asked if anyone in class could use the word incompletely in a sentence?
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
Johnny stood up and said "When my balls touch my girlfriends asshole, I know I'm in-completely"
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Old 01-05-2009, 20:46   #38 (permalink)

 
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"It was once said that a black man would become president when pigs fly".

Indeed, 100 days into Obama's presidency ..... Swine Flu
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Old 05-05-2009, 13:43   #39 (permalink)

 
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whats cures swine flu......oinkment

I tried to call NHS helpline about swine flu but all I got was crackling
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Old 05-05-2009, 15:15   #40 (permalink)

 
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"It was once said that a black man would become president when pigs fly".

Indeed, 100 days into Obama's presidency ..... Swine Flu
Pigs still don't fly.
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