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[Captain America]

What childhood game do Germans not play?



Follow the leader.

[Paulscoconutass]

Thank fuck for that. We can all stop pretending there's an economic recession and start giving money to cancer research again.

[Jan]

Originally Posted by Teabags

So I told my girlfriend that I wanted to fuck her between the tits.

She said "How you going to make that feel good for me?"

"Right before I cum I'll stop punching you in the face."

Good old Doug Stanhope.

[TelecasterSam]

A burglar broke into a Christian Family's home one night.

He shone his flashlight around, looking for valuables; when he heard, a strange voice echoing from the dark saying, 'Jesus is watching you.'

He nearly jumped out of his skin, clicked his flashlight off, and froze. After a while when he heard nothing more, he shook his head and continued.

Just as he pulled the stereo out so he could disconnect the wires, clear as a bell he heard, 'Jesus is watching you.'

Freaked out, he shone his light around frantically, looking for the source of the voice and finally, in the corner of the room, his flashlight beam came to rest on a parrot.

Did you say that?' He whispered to the parrot..

'Yea,' the parrot squawked, 'I'm just trying to warn you.'

The burglar relaxed. 'Warn me,? And what's your name?'

'Moses,' replied the bird.

'Moses?' the burglar laughed.

'What kind of people would name a bird Moses?'



'Same kind of people that would name a Rottweiler, Jesus.!!'

[WoodyRATM]

Originally Posted by TelecasterSam

A burglar broke into a Christian Family's home one night.

He shone his flashlight around, looking for valuables; when he heard, a strange voice echoing from the dark saying, 'Jesus is watching you.'

He nearly jumped out of his skin, clicked his flashlight off, and froze. After a while when he heard nothing more, he shook his head and continued.

Just as he pulled the stereo out so he could disconnect the wires, clear as a bell he heard, 'Jesus is watching you.'

Freaked out, he shone his light around frantically, looking for the source of the voice and finally, in the corner of the room, his flashlight beam came to rest on a parrot.

Did you say that?' He whispered to the parrot..

'Yea,' the parrot squawked, 'I'm just trying to warn you.'

The burglar relaxed. 'Warn me,? And what's your name?'

'Moses,' replied the bird.

'Moses?' the burglar laughed.

'What kind of people would name a bird Moses?'



'Same kind of people that would name a Rottweiler, Jesus.!!'

Hahahaha!

[fatboy]

how do you stop a baby crawling round in circles?

nail it's other hand to the floor

[jon]

How many David Lynches does it take to change a lightbulb?



YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGH!

[RossP]

Dude Hides His Porn Folder

[TelecasterSam]

These made me laugh.....


I met a 14 year old girl on the internet. She was clever,
funny, flirty and sexy, so I suggested we meet up.
She turned out to be an undercover detective.
How cool is that at her age?!



I just saw that Harry Potter film. A bit unrealistic if you ask
me. I mean, a ginger kid, with two friends?



A family is driving behind a garbage truck when a d!ldo flies
out and thumps against the windscreen. Embarrassed, and to
spare her young son's innocence, the mother turns around and
says, "Don't worry; that was an insect."
To which, her son replies, "I'm surprised it could get off the
ground with a dick that.big"



I had a mate who was suicidal. He was really depressed, so I
pushed him in front of a steam train.
He was chuffed to bits.



When I got divorced, my wife said she would fight for custody of
the kids.
Took her out with one punch.



My granddad gave me some sound advice on his deathbed.
"It's worth spending money on good speakers," he told me.



A woman brings eight-year-old Johnny home and tells his mother
that he was caught playing doctors and nurses with Mary, her
eight-year-old daughter.
Johnny's mother says, "Let's not be too harsh on them....
they are bound to be curious about 5ex at that age."
"Curious about 5ex?" replies Mary's mother. "He's taken her
fucking appendix out!"



I was walking in a cemetery this morning and seen a bloke
hiding behind a gravestone. I said "morning."
He replied, "No, just having a sh!t."



Disabled toilets..... Ironically, the only toilets big enough to
run around in.



I was reading in the paper today about this dwarf that got pick
pocketed.
How could anyone stoop so low?

[jon]

Two Jewish boys walk into Ibrox and ask to buy season tickets. The woman behind the counter asks if they have both been circumcised. They say "yes, of course". She replies, "Sorry, I can't sell you season tickets". They ask why not.

"Because you have to be a complete dick to support Rangers".

Boom tish.