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[Slutbags McGee]

Originally Posted by Red Neck Man

What starts with an 'N', ends in 'R' and you wouldn't want to call a black man?

















Neighbor

[Jan]

From Popbitch, but I had to share:

I just brought my epileptic brother a strobe
light for his birthday. He's going to
have a fit when he sees it.

[Dave-IRL]

Guy walks into Blockbuster and asks for " Slumdog Millionare "

Takes it home and plays it, He then takes it back to Blockbuster

And says to the guy behind the counter " Excuse me M8 this is a

Jade goody Film " Guy says sorry M8 Ah thought u asked for

" Sum Dog with nae Hair "

---

A couple was on their honeymoon, lying in bed, about ready to consummate
their marriage, when the new bride says to the husband, 'I have a confession
to make, I'm not a virgin.'

The husband replies, 'That's no big thing in this day and age.'
The wife continues, 'Yeah, I've been with one guy.'
'Oh yeah? Who was the guy?'
'Tiger Woods..'
'Tiger Woods, the golfer?'
'Yeah.'
'Well, he's rich, famous and handsome. I can see why you went to bed with
him.'
The husband and wife then make passionate love.
When they are done, the husband gets up and walks to the telephone.
'What are you doing?' asks the wife.
The husband says, 'I'm hungry, I was going to call room service and get
something to eat’
'Tiger wouldn't do that.'
'Oh yeah? What would Tiger do?'
'He'd come back to bed and do it a second time.'
The husband puts down the phone and goes back to bed to make love a second
time.
When they finish, he gets up and goes over to the phone. 'Now what are you
doing?' she asks.
The husband says, 'I'm still hungry so I was going to get room service to
get something to eat.'
'Tiger wouldn't do that.'
'Oh yeah? What would Tiger do?'
He'd come back to bed and do it again.'
The guy slams down the phone, goes back to bed, and makes love one more
time.
When they finish he's tired and beat. He drags himself over to the phone and
starts to dial.
The wife asks, 'Are you calling room service?'



'No! I'm calling Tiger Woods, to find out what the par is for this damn hole

[Teabags]

Originally Posted by Lucky Rathen

I don't know that joke. Someone indulge me?

A guy goes into a seafood restaurant and asks to see the dishes of the day. The waiter wheels over a trolley and the man examines the dishes.

"I'll have the little green squid with the hairy lip, please" says the man. "O.K." replies the waiter and calls out "Gervais!"

A little French chef appears with a large knife, the waiter instructs the chef to kill the little green squid with the hairy lip.

Gervais is just about to slice at the poor squid when he notices a tear running down its face. Gervais is touched, and admits that he hasn't the heart to kill the squid.

"Not to worry" says the waiter, and calls out "Hans!!" at which an enormous German bloke comes out of the kitchen. "Sir", says the waiter, "this is Hans, the dishwasher. Hans, kill that squid!"

The dishwasher wields a huge rolling pin and is just about to bludgeon the little green squid with the hairy lip when it cringes back and gives a little cry.

"I am sorry sir, I just cannot kill the squid" Hans admits, his lower lip trembling.

"Well sir," says the waiter, "it just goes to show.

That Hans that do dishes, can be soft as Gervais. With mild green, hairy lip squid!"

[Lucky Rathen]

For Bigbsy:

A frog hops into a bank and jumps up onto the counter. The woman at the counter says "Can I help you?". Her name badge reads "Patricia Whack". The frog says "I'd like to apply for a loan please". The teller says "OK, what's your name?" and the frog says "It's Kermit Jagger". So she fills in the loan form and asks him "Do you have anything to put down as collateral?" and he produces a little white ceramic elephant, that lights up when you pull it's tail.

She's a little bit perplexed by this so she goes to see the manager.

"I've got a frog at my counter asking for a loan. I don't know what to do, he says his name's Kermit Jagger, and all he's got for collateral is this little ceramic elephant. I mean what the hell is this thing anyway?

And the bank manager says....


"It's a knick-knack Patty Whack. Give the frog a loan. His old man's a Rolling Stone".

[Teabags]

A man walked into a pub after a long day at work, ordered a pint of
beer, and sat down by the bar to enjoy it. Before long he'd finished
about half his drink and needed to go to the toilet, so off he went.

Whilst he was away a massive black woman standing in the corner walked
up to the bar, picked up the drink, farted into his pint, replaced it,
and walked away again.

When the man came back, he sat down to enjoy his pint again, but after
he'd taken a mouthful he spat it out at once and yelled at the barman,
"Oi, barman, this pint tastes disgusting! What's happened to it?"

"Well, you see that massive black woman over there? She farted into
it."

"What?"

"She farted into it. I didn't want to say anything - she looks like
she could easily knock seven shades of shit out of me - but that's
what she did."

"Right," said the bloke, stressed after a long day, "if you won't say
anything, I will." He got up, went to the massive black woman, and
tapped her on her shoulder. She slowly turned around.

"Yes?"

"Here, you fart in my Whitbread?"

"No, I'm Tessa Sanderson."

[Lucky Rathen]

I went to see the nurse this morning for my annual check-up. She said I had to stop wanking.

I said "Why?"

She said "Because I'm trying to examine you"

>>>>>>>>>>>

My girlfriend and I were having sex the other day when she looked at me and said,

"Make love to me like in the movies."

So I fucked her in the ass, pulled out, and came all over her face and hair.

I guess we don't watch the same movies.

[sexytunk]

Q.What are Jade Goody's kids getting for Easter? A.Adopted

Cheers Al!

[Teabags]

So I told my girlfriend that I wanted to fuck her between the tits.

She said "How you going to make that feel good for me?"

"Right before I cum I'll stop punching you in the face."

[Murrr]

What do you call Jade Goody in a wedding dress?

Shuttlecock.