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Old 02-05-2008, 18:42   #181 (permalink)

 
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There has been a recent down turn in Stag parties going to Austria,

since it was revealed Austrians really do lock up their daughters...
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Old 03-05-2008, 10:06   #182 (permalink)

 
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Josef Fritzl's been commisioned to write an autobiography in the hope that it will give everyone an insight to is mind... it's tipped to be a best cellar.

Got his "business card" e-mailed to me at work yesterday, can't find it online though. Went along the lines of: "Cellar conversions and soundproofing specialist, A 'family business' established 25 years"
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Old 04-05-2008, 12:35   #183 (permalink)
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Sunday, 4 May 2008
Northern Laughs - Live Comedy @ Cafe Drummond:
Gus Tawse presents -
Vladimir McTavish, Ro Campbell, Alan & Alan the magicians, Rick Molland
At Cafe Drummond, Aberdeen
From 8:30pm (doors 7:00pm)
Price: £5.00 / £4. NUS
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Old 06-05-2008, 18:40   #184 (permalink)

 
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Josef Fritzl was having a party in his house when one of his guests complained that they'd ran out of lager.

That's OK says Josef, I've got some Tennents in the cellar.
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Old 06-05-2008, 18:42   #185 (permalink)

 
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I was walking past the local Asylum the other day when I could hear everyone shouting 13, 13, 13, 13

So, being curious I decided to peek through a hole in the fence to see what was going on.
Some fucker poked me in the eye and then all I could hear was the shout....

14, 14, 14, 14
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Old 06-05-2008, 19:10   #186 (permalink)


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What do you call a tennis match between Stevie Wonder and Helen Keller?

Endless love
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Old 06-05-2008, 19:37   #187 (permalink)


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3 folk in CIA training, 2 guys and a woman. They're ready for their final test. One by one they enter the heads office.

1st guy goes in ..... "Congratulations, you've come far, theres just one final test...your wife is in the other room, I need you take this gun and shoot her dead"

"No way man, no way, I love my wife, I can't do it, I WON'T do it sir!"

"No problem, you done well, but you're not cut out for this job, collect your wife and vacate please"

2nd guy goes in ..... "Congratulations, you've come far, theres just one final test...your wife is in the other room, I need you take this gun and shoot her dead"

He enters the room, looks her in the eye... "what..what is it?" she asks?

"I, I, I...." he begins to shake and feels sick....he leaves the room

"I can't do it sir, I love my wife, take this gun please" and he passes it to him, hands still shaking...

"No problem, you done well, but you're not cut out for this job, collect your wife and vacate please"

The woman goes in.... "Congratulations, you've come far, theres just one final test...your husband is in the other room, I need you take this gun and shoot him dead"

She enters the room. As soon as the door closes there is a loud bang. Then another.....and another....and another.....and another...

There is a pause of silence. Then there is repeated banging and the sound of someone in agony...the sound is banging and crashing away....the pain sounds more and more intense...the head steps into the room

"What the hell is going on in here?!?!" he screams

"You'll never believe it, the bullets were all blank so I had to bludgeon the bastard's face with the gun!"






sorry for wasting your time
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Old 16-05-2008, 09:56   #188 (permalink)

 
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What does a rangers fan do when his team wins the UEFA cup?

Turns of his playstation and gets back into bed with his sister!
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Old 16-05-2008, 21:09   #189 (permalink)


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how many potatoes does it take to kill an irish man?



none
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Old 17-05-2008, 23:50   #190 (permalink)

 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by lovers_spit View Post
how many potatoes does it take to kill an irish man?



none
Christ almighty...
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