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[Jake Wifebeater]

A guy's sitting in the pub having a pint, and another guy walks in and smashes him in the back of the head, sending him flying. He's on the deck and says "What the fuck was that for?", to which the other guy says "See that? That was a kendo chop from Korea." So he's thinking aye right, very good, one to you etc. 10 minutes later the other guy comes towards him with a flying kick, knocking him over again. "Aye alright you cunt, what the fuck was that then?", to which the reply was "See that? That was a karate kick from China".

By this time, he's had more than enough of this, so he goes to the toilet, and when he comes back, he walks over to the wannabe Bruce Lee, and smashes him over the head, knocking him out cold. Then he says to the barman "See when that cunt wakes up? You can tell him that was a fucking crowbar from B and Q".

[Jake Wifebeater]

And at the risk of incurring moderator wrath:

How much does a meal cost in a Portuguese hotel?

Your kid.

[Stichman]

What's the best thing about screwing twenty-three-year-olds?






There's twenty of them

[Bodast]

part 2:

What's the best part about screwing 21 year olds?

There are twenty of them, and they can't tell anyone...

[SteveCrisis]

A Scot Is Drinking In A Southampton Bar.... He gets
a call on his cell phone.

He hangs up, grinning from ear to ear & orders a round
of drinks for everybody in the bar because, he announces,
his wife has just produced a typical Scottish baby boy
weighing 25 pounds.

Nobody can believe that any new baby can weigh in at 25
pounds, but the Scot just shrugs, "That's about average
up North, folks. Like I said, my boy's a typical
Scottish baby boy."

Congratulations showered him from all around & many exclamations of
"WOW!" were heard. One woman actually fainted due to sympathy pains.

Two weeks later the Scot returns to the bar.
The bartender says "Say, you're the father of that
typical Scottish baby that weighed 25 pounds at birth,
aren't you?
Everybody's been makin' bets about how big he'd be in two weeks. We were
gonna call you... so how much does he weigh now?"

The proud father answers, "Seventeen pounds."

The bartender is puzzled & concerned.
"What happened? He already weighed 25 pounds the day he
was born."

The Scots father takes a slow swig from his Orkney
Dark Isle Real Ale wipes his lips on his shirt sleeve,
leans into the bartender & proudly says,


"We had him circumcised".

[SteveCrisis]

A lady who had been married for several years was growing more and more
Frustrated at her husband's lack of interest in sex.

She wondered about ways to add some pizzazz to their sexual
relationship, and finally decided to purchase some crotchless underwear
she had seen in a lingerie shop.

One evening when she was feeling particularly desirous, and he was, as
usual, watching television, she took a shower, freshened up, and donned
the crotchless undies and a slinky negligee.

She then strolled between her husband and the television and
suggestively tossed one leg up on his chair arm.

"Want some of this?" she purred.

"Are you kidding?" he replied. "Look what it did to your underwear."

[Preid]

What do you say to a gal with two black eyes?

Nothing, you've already told that bitch twice already.

------

There once was a little boy who was celebrating his 11th birthday.

He decided to test his family to see if they remembered his birthday, so he goes downstairs to his father. "Bet cha' can't guess how old I am today", the boy said.

The father has no clue and finally gives up. "I'm eleven!" the boy exclaims.

Next he goes in the kitchen, walks up to his grandma, and says, "Bet cha' can't guess how old I am today".

"Let me give it a guess", grandma says and sticks her hand in his trousers.

She plays with his testicles for about an hour or so (squeezing them; moving them back and forth), takes her hand out of his trousers, and says, "You're eleven years old".

"How did you know?" the boy asked.

Grandma replied, "I heard you tell your father".

-----

A little boy and a pedophile are walking in the deep, dark, woods. The little boy says,

"Mister, I'm scared! These woods are really creepy."

The pedophile replies, "How do you think I feel? I have to walk back all by myself."

[Sue Denim..]

How do you know if there's a fighter pilot at your party?

He'll fucking tell you.

[Preid]

A samaritian, a lawyer and a priest are on a sinking boat.

'Women and children first' cries the samaritian.

'What? Fuck them!' shouts the lawyer as he inflates his lifejacket.

'Do we have time?' the priest asks.

...I'll get me coat

[McGoatski]

Originally Posted by Preid

...I'll get me coat

Got my coat first and already left the building..................



Knock knock.

Who`s there?

Not Maddy.





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