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[Red Neck Man]

Originally Posted by Angel Of Death

No.

"How do you get Pikachu on a bus?"

Right. That'll be why people keep calling me a cunt after I say it.

[Old Gold]

JaseyBoi, you are truely unfunny.

[Mc Nice Andrew]

Whats E.T short for?













Because he has small legs

[HateEvent]

The prison boxing team were sad to hear that Harold Shipman took his own life.

"It was a shame, he had a lethal jab".

[Dayeth]

Larry la Prise, who wrote the hokey cokey, has died aged 93. The worst part was getting him into the coffin. They put his left leg in, then the trouble started.

[Savant]

Originally Posted by Dayeth

Larry la Prise, who wrote the hokey cokey, has died aged 93. The worst part was getting him into the coffin. They put his left leg in, then the trouble started.

Haha! That's ace.

[Dayeth]

A 75-year-old man went to his doctor to get a sperm count.

The doctor gave the man a jar and said, "Take this jar home and bring me back a semen sample tomorrow."

The next day, the 75-year-old man returned to the doctor's office and gave him the jar, which was as clean & empty as on the previous day. The doctor asked what happened, and the man explained..

"Well, doc, it's like this. .. First I tried with my right hand, but nothing. Then I tried with my left hand, but still nothing. Then I asked my wife for help. She tried with her right hand, then her left, still nothing. She even tried with her mouth...first with the teeth in, then with her teeth out, and still nothing. We then called up Arlene, the lady next door, and she tried too, first with both hands, then an armpit, and she even tried squeezin' it between her knees, but still nothing!"

The doctor was shocked. "What, you asked your neighbour??"

The old man replied, "Yep, but no matter what we did, with our arthritis, we still couldn't get the jar open".

[SteveCrisis]

Joe wanted to buy a motorbike. He doesn't have much luck until, one day, he
comes across a Harley with a For Sale sign on it.

The bike seems even better than a new one, although it is 10 years old.

It is shiny and in absolute mint condition. He immediately buys it, and asks
the seller how he kept it in such great condition for 10 years.

"Well, its quite simple, really," says the seller, "whenever the bike is
outside and its going to rain, rub Vaseline on the chrome. It protects it
from the rain."

And he hands Joe a jar of Vaseline.

That night, his girlfriend, Sandra, invites him over to meet her parents.
Naturally, they take the bike there.

But just before they enter the house, Sandra stops him and says, "I have to
tell you something about my family before we go in."

"When we eat dinner, we don't talk. In fact, the first person who says
anything during dinner has to do the dishes."

"No problem," he says. And in they go.

Joe is shocked. Right smack in the middle of the living room is a huge stack
of dirty dishes.

In the kitchen is another huge stack of dishes. Piled up on the stairs, in
the corridor, everywhere he looks, dirty dishes.

They sit down to dinner and, sure enough, no one says a word. As dinner
progresses, Joe decides to take advantage of the situation.

So he leans over and kisses Sandra. No one says a word. So he reaches over
and fondles her breasts. Still, nobody says a word. So he stands up, grabs
her, rips her clothes off, throws her on the table, and has sex with her, in
front of her parents.

His girlfriend is a little flustered, her dad is obviously livid, and her
mom horrified when he sits back down, but no one says a word.

He looks at her mom. "She's got a great body," he thinks. So he grabs the
mom, bends her over the dinner table, and has his way with her every which
way right there on the dinner table. Now his girlfriend is furious and her
dad is boiling, but still, total silence.

All of a sudden there is a loud clap of thunder, and it starts to rain. Joe
remembers his bike, so he pulls the jar of Vaseline from his pocket.

Suddenly the father backs away from the table and shouts, "All right, that's
enough, Ill do the damn dishes"

[SteveCrisis]

There was a little girl and her mother walking through the park one day and
they saw two teenagers having sex on a bench.
The little girl says "Mommy what are they doing?" The
mother hesitates then quickly replies "Ummm..... they are making cakes." The
next day they are at a zoo and the little girl sees two monkeys having sex.
Again she asks her mother "What are they doing?" And her mother replies with the
same response, "They are making cakes."
The next day the girl says to her mother "Mommy, you and
Daddy were making cakes in the living room last night, eh?" Shocked, the
Mother says,
"How do you know?"







She says, "Because I licked the icing off the sofa."

[Jimmy Lucifer]

Originally Posted by SteveCrisis

There was a little girl and her mother walking through the park one day and
they saw two teenagers having sex on a bench.
The little girl says "Mommy what are they doing?" The
mother hesitates then quickly replies "Ummm..... they are making cakes." The
next day they are at a zoo and the little girl sees two monkeys having sex.
Again she asks her mother "What are they doing?" And her mother replies with the
same response, "They are making cakes."
The next day the girl says to her mother "Mommy, you and
Daddy were making cakes in the living room last night, eh?" Shocked, the
Mother says,
"How do you know?"

She says, "Because I licked the icing off the sofa."

Bravo!