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[Captain America]

Sexist alert....

Why do woman not know how to ski...?





Well, theres no snow between the bedroom and the kitchen!!

[Dan Atom]

Originally Posted by The Ghost Of Scorge

Why does Dr Pepper come in bottles?

Because his wife's dead.
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What sparkles like a diamond and fits in a young girls ring?

Gary Glitter.
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About the 15 British people captured in Iran: 14 were men, 1 was a woman.

Who was reading the map?
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A man and his wife are involved in an awful car crash but the wife comes off much worse. Her husband offers to give blood as this is her only hope of survival. Thankfully the transfusion goes smoothly and she makes a full recovery however they later go through a terrible divorce in which the husband demands everything he has ever given her back including his blood.

The wife reaches down her trousers, pulls out a bloody tampon and throws it at him screaming: "There you are you bastard, I'll pay you monthly".

Good stuff!

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What do Kodak and Gary Glitter have in common?

They both come in small yellow boxes.

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2 men are driving carelessly through london when they accidentally hit a black kid on a bike. On noticing the boy is dead, they panic and dump him and his bike in the boot of the car. Driving along hastily, it isn't long before they get pulled over by the police. One of the coppers seaches the car, opens the boot and gets straight onto his radio...
"Sarge, I've found a nigger's nest. One of them's hatched and he's already nicked a bike."




[I'm not racist in the slightest by the way. But jokes that stereotype race are no worse than ones about sexism, dead babies and paedophiles etc]

[Scorge]

Here we go:

What does Virginia Tech and the North Pole have in common?

They are both minus 33 degrees.
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There's a party at the Virginia University tonight.

It's free shots for students.
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What was the Korean resposible for the Virginia shootings called?

Shu Ting Yanks.

[we make you music]

So a weegie walks into a bar in Aberdeen.

Upon entering he notices a massive jar on the top of the bar filled to the brim with tenners. He quickly summises that there must be about 5 grand in the jar.

The weegie asks the Barman 'here pal whit's this jar o money all aboot eh?'.

The Barman replies 'Tenner tae play, complete 3 tests and if ye pass them i'll gie ye the lot. If nae then the tenner stays pit in the jar. First test ye huv tae neck that 2 litre bottle o whisky o'er there wi'oot pullin a face. Second ye huv tae gang roon the back o the pub an take a tooth fae oor resident rockweiler. Finally gang upstair and give ma 80 year old mither the night o here life, pleasure her in a way she hus niver felt. Pass all tests and the moneys yours.'


'No way man, do you think I'm an idiot or something by the way? At's a mugs game so it is' replies the weegie.

15 vodka Irn Bru's later on the weegie shouts out 'fine ya bas! I'll dae it, so i will, i'll fuckin take yer money...easy...no bother pal...gimme that fuckin whisky'

In one gulp the weegie downs the 2 litres of whisky with tears streaming down his face, yet somehow he manages to keep a face like stone.

'mon then...bring on the next fuckin test...'

The weegie drags himself out to the back of the pub to confront this vicous child killer of a dog.. For the next 6 hours all that can be heard from outside the pub are the horrifying grunts and squeels of the rottweiler.

Finally the weegie stumbles back into the pub and declares 'right then...wheres that fuckin dug...I've got a tooth tae get!'

[Captain America]

What part of Popeye never rusts...?




The part he dips in Olive Oil!

[Red Neck Man]

Originally Posted by Captain America

What part of Popeye never rusts...?




The part he dips in Olive Oil!

That's going to be the joke around work today

[JaseyBoi]

Q: Why is Italy shaped like a boot?
A: Because you couldn't get that much shit into a shoe.

Q: What is the title of the new Vietnamese cookbook?
A: 100 ways to wok your dog.

Q: What do you call a fat Chinaman?
A: A Chunk.

Have you ever seen the Polish sex manual?:
1) In.
2) Out.
3) Repeat if necessary.

Q: How do you get a one-armed Irishman out of a tree?
A: Wave at him.

Q: What's two miles long and has an IQ of forty?
A: A Saint Patrick's Day Parade.

Q: What's the difference between pizzas and Jews?
A: Pizzas don't scream in the oven.

Q: Did you hear about the dyslexic Satanist?
A: He sold his soul to Santa

Q: Did you hear about the guy that lost his left arm and leg in a car crash?
A: He's all right now.

Q: How do crazy people go through the forest?
A: They take the psycho path.

Q: How do you get holy water?
A: Boil the hell out of it.

Q: How does a spoiled rich girl change a light bulb?
A: She says, "Daddy, I want a new apartment.

Q: What did the fish say when he hit a concrete wall?
A: Dam.

Q: What do Eskimos get from sitting on the ice too long?
A: Polaroids.

Q: What do prisoners use to call each other?
A: Cell phones.

Q: What do the letters D.N.A. stand for?
A: National Dyslexics Association.

Q: What do you call a boomerang that doesn't work?
A: A stick.

Q: What do you get from a pampered cow?
A: Spoiled milk.

[Red Neck Man]

How do you get a pokemon on a bus?

pokemon.







wait, is that right?

[HateEvent]

Originally Posted by PhotoCraig

How do you get a pokemon on a bus?

pokemon.



Wait, is that right?

No.

"How do you get Pikachu on a bus?"

[Bodast]

What is 50 feet long and smells of piss?

The queue for a Daniel O'Donnell concert.