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Old 22-03-2007, 15:08   #11 (permalink)

 
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What has 9 arms and sucks?











































Def Leppard.
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Old 22-03-2007, 15:15   #12 (permalink)

 
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Two paedophiles are standing at a corner when a 10 year old girl walks past.

One says to the other, 'She was a looker in her day.....'

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I bought Stevie Wonder a cheesegrater the other day. He said it was the best book he's ever read.
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A little girl walks into the bathroom when her mum is having a shower. The little girl's points to her mums tits and asks: "What are those mummy?" Mum replies "Those are breasts, you will get them when you get older". Girl then points to her mums fanny - little girl asks: "What is all that hair mummy?" Mum replies: " That is public hair again, you will get that when you grow up".

So little girl pops back in 5 mins later and catches her dad taking a piss - little girl asks: "Whats that daddy?". Dad replies " Thats my penis". Confused, the little girl asks: "So when will I get that daddy?". Dad replies "When your mum goes to the bingo".....


I think I'd better stop right there.
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Old 22-03-2007, 22:39   #13 (permalink)

 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by The Ghost Of Scorge View Post
I bought Stevie Wonder a cheesegrater the other day. He said it was the best book he's ever read.
Surely that should be the most violent book he's ever read?

The other ones were good though!



A man and his 5 year old son are having a bath. The young boy points at his dad's crotch: "Daddy, why does your willy look different from mine?"
"Because yours isn't erect, son..."


Why do you put a baby in a blender feet first?
So you can come all over it's face.


A man goes into the family planning clinic and asks for some birth control pills for his 10-year old daughter. "Your 10-year old daughter is sexually active?!" asks the astounded doctor.
"nah, she just lies there like her little brother does"


Why did Hellen Keller masturbate with one hand?
So she could moan with the other.


What's black and eats cunt?
Cervical cancer.
Last edited by Dan Atom; 22-03-2007 at 22:43.
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Old 23-03-2007, 11:54   #14 (permalink)

 
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A little girl went into a pet shop and asked "Excuthe me,
do you haf any widdle wabbits?". The shop keeper's heart melted. He got
down on his knees so that he was on her level and said "Do you want a widdle
white wabbit or a thoft, fuffy bwack wabbit? Or maybe one like that widdle
bwown one over there?". The little girl blushed, rocked on her heels, put
her hands on her knees,leaned forward and whispered....... "I don't wealy
fink my pyfon gives a pfuc "
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Old 23-03-2007, 18:13   #15 (permalink)

 
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Originally Posted by Dan Atom View Post
What's black and eats cunt?
Cervical cancer.
oooocha!
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Old 25-03-2007, 15:05   #16 (permalink)

 
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What's green and smells of pork?
Kermit the frog's fingers
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Old 26-03-2007, 17:45   #17 (permalink)

 
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what's so good about have sex with twenty-three year olds?

there are twenty of them
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Old 27-03-2007, 07:50   #18 (permalink)

 
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What's the difference between a dead baby and an apple?

You don't jizz on an apple before you eat it.


What do you get when you run over one hundred babies with a lawnmower?

An erection


What's red and sits in the corner getting smaller by the minute?

A baby combing its hair with a potato peeler.
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Old 27-03-2007, 10:25   #19 (permalink)
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NORTHERN LAUGHS
LIVE COMEDY @ CAFE DRUMMOND
SUNDAY 1ST APRIL
DOORS OPEN 8PM
ENTRY £5 (£4 STUDENTS)

VLADIMIR McTAVISH
GRAEME THOMAS
STEVEN DAVIDSON
CARLY BAKER
GUS TAWSE (MC)
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Old 04-04-2007, 02:21   #20 (permalink)

 
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Right, I have a joke for you, if I mess it up, my apollogies but it is nearly 3.30am.

A man gets killed and he goes up to heaven. He meets St Peter at the gates of heaven, St Peter says, "you have been a good man, you may enter heaven." So the man enters heaven and around him there are people dressed in white, flowing gowns, women playing harps and everyone looks happy. He has been in heaven for a few days, when he looks down to hell and sees beautiful semi-naked women, huge barrels of beer and everyone having a great time. So, this man goes to St Peter, "Heaven is great and all but it's not my thing, I rather be down there, in hell having what looks like a great time." So St Peter takes the man down to hell and lets him in. As he walks away, St Peter says to himself, "well what he doesn't know is that it's only the barrels of beer with holes in them!"
Last edited by KittyCat; 04-04-2007 at 02:24.
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