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[Dayeth]

[Captain America]

Originally Posted by Dayeth

ahahahhahahahhaa.

[Sue Denim..]

Following complaints to the BBC that there are not enough black or pakistani people on television the BBC has decided to show Crimewatch 3 times a week.


I phoned the Samaritans the other day and got a call centre in Pakistan. When I told them I was suicidal they asked me if I could fly a plane.

[Savant]

Two married buddies are out drinking one night when one turns to the other and says, "You know, I don't know what else to do. Whenever I go home after we've been out drinking, I turn the headlights off before I get to the driveway. I shut off the engine and coast into the garage. I take my shoes off before I go into the house, I sneak up the stairs, I get undressed in the bathroom. I ease into bed and my wife STILL wakes up and yells at me for staying out so late!" His buddy looks at him and says, "Well, you're obviously taking the wrong approach. I screech into the driveway, slam the door, storm up the steps, throw my shoes into the closet, jump into bed, rub my hands on my wife's butt and say, 'How about a blow job?'...and she's always sound asleep!"

[Jake Wifebeater]

A guy goes to the doctor for a check-up. The doctor says "I'm sorry mate, but you're going to have to stop masturbating". The guy says "Why's that, doctor?" and the doctor says "Because I'm trying to fucken examine you".

[Tam o' Shantie]

Originally Posted by Savant

Two married buddies are out drinking one night when one turns to the other and says, "You know, I don't know what else to do. Whenever I go home after we've been out drinking, I turn the headlights off before I get to the driveway. I shut off the engine and coast into the garage. I take my shoes off before I go into the house, I sneak up the stairs, I get undressed in the bathroom. I ease into bed and my wife STILL wakes up and yells at me for staying out so late!" His buddy looks at him and says, "Well, you're obviously taking the wrong approach. I screech into the driveway, slam the door, storm up the steps, throw my shoes into the closet, jump into bed, rub my hands on my wife's butt and say, 'How about a blow job?'...and she's always sound asleep!"

"Phat Tom analyses..."

1. Why would he be driving home from a night of drinking on a regular basis?
2. How can he coast into the drive if he turns the engine off, his steering would lock and he would most likely coast straight into an obstacle.

[Tam o' Shantie]

Originally Posted by Sue Denim..

I phoned the Samaritans the other day and got a call centre in Pakistan. When I told them I was suicidal they asked me if I could fly a plane.

"Phat Tom analyses..."

1. How many call centres are there in Pakistan? They're all in India, you racist.
2. How many anti-USA Muslim terrorist groups operate in Pakistan? They're all in Afghanistan, you racist.

[Savant]

Originally Posted by Tam o' Shantie

"Phat Tom analyses..."

1. Why would he be driving home from a night of drinking on a regular basis?
2. How can he coast into the drive if he turns the engine off, his steering would lock and he would most likely coast straight into an obstacle.

1. I thought that myself but I didn't care cos it was a funny joke...
2. Maybe he doesn't have a car with power steering? Maybe his driveway is straight?

[PVH]

Originally Posted by Tam o' Shantie

2. How can he coast into the drive if he turns the engine off, his steering would lock and he would most likely coast straight into an obstacle.

Only if he removed the keys

[Tam o' Shantie]

Originally Posted by PVH

Only if he removed the keys

Fuck. 100% true, as I remembered once unlocking my glove compartment mid drive!