»

[Diesel]

Folks,

Watched the worst movie ever made last night - "Torque".

Never in my life have I witnessed so much crap stuffed into just 90 minutes. Good old Sky Movies, they can always be relied upon to air at least one complete no-brainer per evening.

For those not familiar with this movie, it's basically "Fast & The Furious" with bikes and ALL credibility thrown out the window.

I won't cover the plot - there wasn't one, but I would urge everyone to watch this movie as it is so bad it's laughable and any subsequent movies you watch will seem like masterpieces (I watched Gregory's Girl immediately afterwards - brilliant!).

Here are some of the characters: -

Hero - Yuppie biker, martial arts expert, acrobat and stunt rider (just like real life)
Heroine - Beautiful, blonde, model-quality custom bike shop owner (just like real life)
Baddie 1 - White scowling bike-gang leader
Baddie 2 - Black scowling hip-hop-gangsta bike-gang leader - called Trey (played by that wonderful, talented thespian, Ice Cube - who keeps casting this non-actor?)
Baddie 3 - Trey's idiotic young brother named - yes, you've guessed it - Junior.
Baddie 4 - Played inexplicably by useless English actor Max Beesley, who's crap in everything he's in.
FBI Agent 1 - 24-year-old "Special Agent" with pin-stripe suit, baseball boots and a Hummer (just like real life)
FBI Agent 2 - 18-year-old beautiful black girl (just like real life)
Numerous slack-jawed yokels, pumped up "homies" and skimpily-dressed beauties.

Fast and the Furious was dumb, but fun and at least it had the presence of Vin Diesel. This mound of sh!te clearly takes the piss out of it's low-brow target audience.

What really murders this movie are the stunts - they have no "wow factor" at all, it's more like "Aw, gie's peace, for f**ks sake". They are so ludicrous that they make James Bond's stunt seem almost plausible.

Another thing that p!sses me off about this movie is the use of guns - do they hand these things out like confetti in America?

Anyway, please watch this movie - get some beers and a big pizza, call up your mates and piss yourselves laughing at the ineptitude of it all.

DAL

[Bass Cadet]

Sounds like one of an amusing 'dung heap' of a film - I quite like films like that. No brain required just swich on and veg! I was a bit concerned about the name though - my bass amp is a Torque and it is a classy piece of kit!
Mmmmmm............ Chalk & Cheese..................?

[Stray Cat]

The stunts are a bit far fetched. The guy comes off the world fastest bike at over 200 mph, goes flying through the air and lands in front of a moving lorry but suffers no injuries.

[Lucky Rathen]

Wow, you've really convinced me to watch that film!

Come on then folks - worst film you've ever seen? (bar Torque).

I'll get the ball rolling with The Sweetest Thing (Cameron Diaz, Christina Applegate). Utter, utter, tripe. The dialogue was laughable from the first scene (NOBODY talks like that), and the plot seemed to just be that someone had a few ideas for big scenes that would look good in a chick flick, and loosely wrote up a way of linking them together. It's complete and utter balls.

[Bass Cadet]

Runaway Bride! I hate that movie with such a passion
I saw it when I was down in Stirling - it was the only thing on at the cinema so I went in - oh how I regret it

[mcsheepie]

Yes Torque was bad, but it was still watchable unlike....

Van Helsing, The Interpretor (good actors, rubbish, rubbish movie), The Fast and the Furious 2 (i really liked the first one, but the second was just awful) and Titanic (how on earth did it win all those oscars?)
I'm sure i've seen worse films, i just can't think at the moment.

[Chris]

Surviving The Game (Ice-T). Utter fucking tripe. But having said that I did watch it through to the end just to see how much worse it could get.

The only film I've actually switched off having paid money to watch it was Welcome To Mooseport. That was utter garbage as well but was at least raised above surviving the game by Gene Hackman's presence. It may even have been alright if it wasn't so hideously predictable and if it didn't star that fucking hack Ray Romano. Avoid.

[Metarie]

Hehe, I quite liked The Sweetest Thing, the bit where they're dancing around the restaurant singing 'you're too big to put in there' was amazing.
I can't really think of any films I really dislike. I've never walked out of the cinema once in my life. Maybe something like Dark Crystal or those dodgy Jim Henson fuelled films of the 80s, but I didn't hate them, just thought they were boring and a little creepy.

Originally Posted by Chris

Surviving The Game (Ice-T). Utter fucking tripe. But having said that I did watch it through to the end just to see how much worse it could get.

Christ, I must have seen some bad movies in my time because that one wasn't that bad to me. Then again it has Rutger Hauer in it and I'm a bit of a fan since Blade Runner so forgive him a lot. Nice to see he is back in decent films these days like Batman Begins and Sin City.
Sweetest Thing was absolutely abysmal and that song in particular was cringeworthy in that it was obviously thought of by the writers as highly amusing but was in fact plain embarassing.
I saw Just Friends recently, that was pish. The King Kong remake was shite for the most part although some bits were good and it could have been fantastic.
What's happened to Vin Diesel these days, he started off well with Pitch Black, Fast And The Furious and XXX was dumb fun but seems to have disappeared?

[Diesel]

Originally Posted by bluesxman

Christ, I must have seen some bad movies in my time because that one wasn't that bad to me. Then again it has Rutger Hauer in it and I'm a bit of a fan since Blade Runner so forgive him a lot. Nice to see he is back in decent films these days like Batman Begins and Sin City.
Sweetest Thing was absolutely abysmal and that song in particular was cringeworthy in that it was obviously thought of by the writers as highly amusing but was in fact plain embarassing.
I saw Just Friends recently, that was pish. The King Kong remake was shite for the most part although some bits were good and it could have been fantastic.
What's happened to Vin Diesel these days, he started off well with Pitch Black, Fast And The Furious and XXX was dumb fun but seems to have disappeared?

Agree about King Kong - with that classic story, cast, director and technology, it should have been awsome, but it turned into a freak show - the fight with the insects was repulsive and the dinosaur stampede was ridiculous.

I appreciate that with all these movies, there is an element of suspension of disbelief required, but it seems to me that excess is the order of the day now and that the distributors are pressurising the production companies into putting as much "kapow" into blockbusters as possible at the expense of plot, dialogue & credibilty

Still, with a target audience nurtured on a diet of Soaps, Game Shows, DIY Programmes and Reality TV - I suppose they can do anything they want. The public in general are too stoopid to notice the difference.

For shame.

DZL