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[david236]

Excellent e-mail I just got from a friend.

BBC World Cup Guidelines for commentary team.

1 -Within 1 minute of kick off in the opening match (Germany v Costa Rica), the commentator must mention England.

2 - Regardless of what two teams are contesting the final, England have to be mentioned within the first minute.

3 - The commentator shall refer to the Falkland Isles in passing at some point in the match if England play Argentina.

4 - Whenever a hat trick is scored, comparisons with Geoff Hurst will be made within seconds of the third goal hitting the net.

5 - Should England wear their red jerseys, then '1966' should be mentioned approximately 20 times.

6 - 1966 will be mentioned approximately 10 times a match, or only on 4 or 5 occasions for matches not involving England.

7 - Prior to the captain of the winning team lifting the trophy, the commentator will mention Bobby Moore. And 1966.

8 - When Germany are playing, they must be referred to as being arrogant by the commentator on at least 14 occasions. This must refer to their style, their passing, their haircuts and their general footballing ability.

9 - Should England play Germany, mentions of Winston Churchill, Dambusters, The Luftwaffe and Adolf Hitler will be compulsory. And 1966.

10 - All Scottish members of our commentary team must continue to refer to England as "we" and "us".

11 - We must ensure that nationlistic stereotypes are adhered to. Of course, the Germans are arrogant. The Spanish are bottlers, The Ivory Coast are fast but bad at defending, The Angolans are disorganised, The Argentinians are cheats and the French are only good because their best players play in England.

12 - For matches not involving England, we must only discuss the players that are playing in England. (eg – Holland v Argentina should be referred to as Van Nistelroy v Crespo).

13 - The mythical "bulldog spirit" phrase should be used as often as possible.

14 - Each match involving England should begin with the phrase "England Expects."

15 - Should any player be involved in an injury that involves the loss of teeth, then references to Nobby Stiles and 1966 are compulsory.

16 - If in doubt, mention 1966.

17 - Praise all of the stunning new stadiums in Germany but emphasise that they lack the presence of Wembley, the spiritual home of football since 1966.

18 - Commentators should feel free to imitate the style of Kenneth Wolstenholme, the hero of 1966.

19 - Should any team feature brothers playing together, then Jackie and Bobby Charlton should be mentioned.

20 - When England bow out after the first stage, we must emphasise that it is a massive blow to football and a serious loss to the World Cup.

To quote a living legend (i.e. Homer Simspon) - It's funny 'cos it's true!

[Jan Deal]

It is funny, but it will be a pain in the arse during the world cup. A similar thing seems happen with Man. Utd and the champions league.

[Scorge]

Originally Posted by SlowDazzle

It is funny, but it will be a pain in the arse during the world cup.

Two words: mute button!

[delboy]

i'm sick of it already and i'm english so lord knows how the scots must be feeling!!!!

quite frankly it might not be a bad thing if england get knocked out in the first round....

[GraemeC]

Why shouldnt they mention 1966 as often as possible......it was afterall only 40yrs ago!!

Originally Posted by david236

Excellent e-mail I just got from a friend.

BBC World Cup Guidelines for commentary team.

1 -Within 1 minute of kick off in the opening match (Germany v Costa Rica), the commentator must mention England. by english commentators, perhaps. scottish commentary would mention scotland, but only by saying "yeah, scotland got humped by both these teams"

2 - Regardless of what two teams are contesting the final, England have to be mentioned within the first minute. possibly as each teams progress to the final is tracked and one of them beat england, yeah plausable i guess

3 - The commentator shall refer to the Falkland Isles in passing at some point in the match if England play Argentina. just like when scottish commentary is on with england v. scotland, the 'auld enemy' is always mentioned

4 - Whenever a hat trick is scored, comparisons with Geoff Hurst will be made within seconds of the third goal hitting the net. because not many players have scored a hat-trick in the world cup, and he did, easy comparison

5 - Should England wear their red jerseys, then '1966' should be mentioned approximately 20 times. doubt it

6 - 1966 will be mentioned approximately 10 times a match, or only on 4 or 5 occasions for matches not involving England.again, not likely

7 - Prior to the captain of the winning team lifting the trophy, the commentator will mention Bobby Moore. And 1966.english commentators why not? the next team to lift the kirin cup will be compared to the giant-slaying 2006 team of scotland no doubt

8 - When Germany are playing, they must be referred to as being arrogant by the commentator on at least 14 occasions. This must refer to their style, their passing, their haircuts and their general footballing ability. they are.

9 - Should England play Germany, mentions of Winston Churchill, Dambusters, The Luftwaffe and Adolf Hitler will be compulsory. And 1966.only by john motson, he's a cretin

10 - All Scottish members of our commentary team must continue to refer to England as "we" and "us".alan hansen and andy gray know where their paycheck comes from, that's all.

11 - We must ensure that nationlistic stereotypes are adhered to. Of course, the Germans are arrogant. The Spanish are bottlers, The Ivory Coast are fast but bad at defending, The Angolans are disorganised, The Argentinians are cheats and the French are only good because their best players play in England. i guess

12 - For matches not involving England, we must only discuss the players that are playing in England. (eg – Holland v Argentina should be referred to as Van Nistelroy v Crespo). won't be, there's miles better players than those two. javier saviola, aimar, carlos tevez, arjen robben, vaan der vaart, i hope batistuta gets a mention, he was an argentine legend.

13 - The mythical "bulldog spirit" phrase should be used as often as possible. no such thing.

14 - Each match involving England should begin with the phrase "England Expects." "...but the team never perform"

15 - Should any player be involved in an injury that involves the loss of teeth, then references to Nobby Stiles and 1966 are compulsory. i guess..

16 - If in doubt, mention 1966. if in doubt, don't be a cretin.

17 - Praise all of the stunning new stadiums in Germany but emphasise that they lack the presence of Wembley, the spiritual home of football since 1966. bet they don't, commentators are normally very impressed and appreciative of the amazing stadiums, definately were in japan.

18 - Commentators should feel free to imitate the style of Kenneth Wolstenholme, the hero of 1966. who?

19 - Should any team feature brothers playing together, then Jackie and Bobby Charlton should be mentioned. better them than gary and phil neville

20 - When England bow out after the first stage, we must emphasise that it is a massive blow to football and a serious loss to the World Cup. it would be for the BBC ratings

so yeah. (really bored already at work)

[Bass Cadet]

I hate the world cup already. I work in the bookies and we have been told that we must work till 10 every night while the world cup is on, to cover american horseracing that no-fucker is intrested in - I'm nae a happy camper!
Fitba - Bah Humbug

[Paranoid Android]

Hmm either those points have been made before or they're just not true at all.

I really don't have any complaints with BBC's coverage, although I will find it painful when having to watch games on ITV.

There is a solution to most of this -

Kidnap John Motson for duration.

[weaver]

Motty is ok I guess. I mean we probably moan about English folk more than they mention 1966.