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[Mouse]

Before cops threw the book at him, Jakub Fik threw something unusual at them -- his penis.

Fik, 33, cut off his own penis during a Northwest Side rampage Wednesday morning. When confronted by police, Fik hurled several knives and his severed organ at the officers, police said. Officers stunned him with a Taser and took him into custody.

"We took him out without any serious injury, with the exception of his own," said Chicago Police Sgt. Edward Dolan of the 16th District.

Doctors at Northwestern Memorial Hospital reattached Fik's penis Wednesday, sources said. He was listed in good condition Thursday, according to hospital spokesman Andrew Buchanan, who declined to comment further.

Smashing car windows

Fik, who lives in the 5400 block of W. Berenice, is charged with two counts of aggravated assault and one count of criminal damage to property, said Officer Laura Kubiak. He told paramedics he was distraught over problems with his girlfriend in Poland, Dolan said.

Police arrived on Fik's block at 8:20 a.m. Wednesday after receiving reports he was smashing car windows, Dolan said. Fik then broke into a house down the block. A group of six or seven officers assembled in front of the house, Dolan said.

The occupants were not home, he added.

Fik was bleeding when the officers arrived and may have already cut off his organ, Dolan said.

"At that point, this guy came running out, naked, with a handful of knives . . . and started throwing knives at the police officers that were 10, 20, 30 feet away," Dolan said.

Fik threw his penis during the confrontation, too, Dolan said. He then went back into the house and re-emerged with "another handful of knives," Dolan said.

Dolan sneaked to the side of the bungalow's front steps and stunned Fik with the Taser. Fik fought back when officers went to restrain him, Dolan said.

"About 10 feet from the front porch, right on the sidewalk, was his penis," Dolan said.

Dr. Greg Bales, associate professor of urology at the University of Chicago, said severed penises are uncommon but surgery usually works.

"As long as the penis is placed on ice and reattached within a few hours, the success is usually pretty good," Bales said.

Source: Chicago Sun-Times

Just when you think you've heard it all...

[stroppycow]

Originally Posted by Mouse

Just when you think you've heard it all...

How much funnier would it be if someone bravely cut off his cock and threw it at the likes of Ruth 'I wear barbed wire round my knee to feel closer to God' Kelly or Anne 'pudding-faced virgin' Widdecombe, rather than boring old eggs and flour??? I'd love to see Ruth Kelly smacked in the face with a severed knob.

[Metarie]

they took him without serious injury?

So a severed penis isn't serious then?

[Camie]

"We took him out without any serious injury, with the exception of his own,"

What a dick.

Originally Posted by stroppycow

I'd love to see Ruth Kelly smacked in the face with a severed knob.

Wonderful.

[Alan Cynic]

Maybe he was a well-off guy, and was donating it to the poor.....sort of 'knobless-oblige'?

what a knob.

[psydoll]

Originally Posted by reject_monkey

what a knob.

Well it's just sort of an extension of what he said isn't it?

[Me and Parvati]

Originally Posted by Alan Cynic

Maybe he was a well-off guy, and was donating it to the poor.....sort of 'knobless-oblige'?

That might take the biscuit as the worst one for a while, Alan, but can't deny that I wish I'd thought of it....

[Alan Cynic]

*attempts even worse effort, just for Me and Parvati*
It's a good job he wasn't a basketball player...he'd be 'cock-a-hoop'!

...or, seeing as it's St Patrick's Day, he might've been inspired by Molly Malone... 'Cockless and muscles, alive, alive-o!'