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[PVH]

Originally Posted by Johnny Mac

You obviously have no sense of humour.

I do have a sense of humour...i still find it offensive...

[Johnny Mac]

Originally Posted by Project: Ven-Hell

I do have a sense of humour...i still find it offensive...

What you don't seem to understand is that i was talking to two 'friends' whom I know off this website and my humourous (or in this case not) post was directed at them, as was quite obvious (or not it would seem).

I do apologise for my sheer lack of respect and decency. I am a bad man and deserve to die. Deal out punishment as you see fit.

[lollerskates]

This forum is hilarious.

[PVH]

Originally Posted by Johnny Mac

What you don't seem to understand is that i was talking to two 'friends' whom I know off this website and my humourous (or in this case not) post was directed at them, as was quite obvious (or not it would seem).

I do apologise for my sheer lack of respect and decency. I am a bad man and deserve to die. Deal out punishment as you see fit.

What you dont seem to understand is that there is no need to be patronising on your first sentence to get a point across...

I could clearly see it was aimed at people you know...but it was still a silly thing to write on a website that is trying to advocate PC behaviour.

Your punishment is to kiss five men on their sweaty bottoms.

[Hugh_Jazz]

Oh what a sleekit horrible beastie,
Lurks in yer belly efter the feastie.
Just as ye sit doon among yer kin,
There sterts to stir an enormous wind.

The neeps and tatties and mushy peas,
Stert workin like a gentle breeze.
But soon the puddin’ wi the sauncie face,
Will have ye blawin’ all ower the place.

Nae matter whit ye try tae dae,
A’bodys gonnae have tae pay.
Even if ye try to stifle,
It’s like a bullet oot a rifle.

Hawd yer bum tight tae the chair,
Tae try and stop the leakin’ air.
Shift yersel
frae cheek tae cheek,
Pray tae God it doesny reek.

But aw yer efforts go assunder,
Oot it comes – a clap o’ thunder.
Ricochets aroon the room,
Michty me, a sonic boom!

God almighty it fairly reeks,
Hope I huvnae pooed ma breeks!
Tae the loo I better scurry,
Aw who cares, its no ma worry.

A’body roon aboot me chokin,
Wan or two are nearly bokin.
I’ll feel better for a while,
Cannae help but raise a smile.

“Wis him!” I shout with accusin’ glower,
Alas too late, he’s just keeled ower!
“Ye dirty thing!” they shout and stare,
I don’t feel welcome any mair.

Where ere ye go let yer wind gang free,
Sounds like just the job fur me.
Whit a fuss at Rabbie's perty,
Ower the sake o’ wan wee ferty!!!

[french_disko]

Originally Posted by Hugh_Jazz

Oh what a sleekit horrible beastie,
Lurks in yer belly efter the feastie.
etc
etc

Um, yeah, that's great.

Who needs made up Burns poetry when he wrote this -

Johnie Lad, Cock Up Your Beaver

When first my brave Johnie lad came to this town,
He had a blue bonnet that wanted the crown;
But now he has gotten a hat and a feather,
Hey, brave Johnie lad, cock up your beaver!

Cock up your beaver, and cock it fu' sprush,
We'll over the border, and gie them a brush;
There's somebody there we'll teach better behaviour,
Hey, brave Johnie lad, cock up your beaver!


Loads more here - http://www.everypoet.com/archive/poetry/Robert_Burns/

[A.Pel]

Burns night is still going strong!
At primary school we used to have a competition and had to learn a different poem every year. I can still recite mine off my heart (excuse spelling and punctuation). The last one I did began:
'Me mither says that we hae mice....' I forget the name though. I don't do so much now I'm older though.

We still continue to talk about Burns in English too.

[french_disko]

Nae Hair On’t

Yesterday I wed a lady fair,
and you would believe me,
on her cunt there grows no hair,
that's the thing that grieves me,
it vexed me sir, it plagued me sir,
it put me in a passion,
to think that I had wed a wife,
whose cunt was out of fashion.


Oor Guidwifes so modest

Oor guidwifes so modest,
when she is set at meat,
a laverocks leg, or a tittlins wing,
is mair than she can eat.
But when she's in her bed at night,
between me and the wall,
she is a glutton devil,
she swallows cocks an all.

[daveofficer]

Originally Posted by french_disko

Nae Hair On’t

Yesterday I wed a lady fair,
and you would believe me,
on her cunt there grows no hair,
that's the thing that grieves me,
it vexed me sir, it plagued me sir,
it put me in a passion,
to think that I had wed a wife,
whose cunt was out of fashion.


Oor Guidwifes so modest

Oor guidwifes so modest,
when she is set at meat,
a laverocks leg, or a tittlins wing,
is mair than she can eat.
But when she's in her bed at night,
between me and the wall,
she is a glutton devil,
she swallows cocks an all.

crikey!!!!