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[jackson]

perhaps we can start a jokes thread? might have been done before, if so i apologise! ill kick off with this that i stole from a nearby website.......at first i didnt get it and i felt such a retard!

Someone just phoned me up and said,

I’m the dandy highwayman who you’re too scared to mention,

I spend my cash on looking flash and grabbing your attention.

I told him he had the wrong number, but he was adamant .......

[Savant]

I don't get it...

[jackson]

but he was adamant..............adam ant...........like he was singing

staaaaaaand and deliver

[JJ 10 Easy Wishes]

hhhhhhhhhha haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa that's really funny

[Taylor_dB]

This is where another joke should come in and save this thread...

[Hogisbald]

In Vietnam, they will not put up decoration for Christmas.

Instead, they will hang Glitter

[Swingin' Ryan]

Originally Posted by jackson

perhaps we can start a jokes thread? might have been done before, if so i apologise! ill kick off with this that i stole from a nearby website.......at first i didnt get it and i felt such a retard!

Someone just phoned me up and said,

I’m the dandy highwayman who you’re too scared to mention,

I spend my cash on looking flash and grabbing your attention.

I told him he had the wrong number, but he was adamant .......

Haha! I quite liked that one.

It would be a difficult one to tell vocally though, you couldn't just say "adamant" normally or it would just sound like a normal sentence, and you couldn't say "Adam Ant" because that would lose the joke.

[JJ 10 Easy Wishes]

i for one have never hung glitter. i hang tinsel! which is a different thing entirely. that joke is useless!

Originally Posted by Hog

In Vietnam, they will not put up decoration for Christmas.

Instead, they will hang Glitter

that joke is technically incorrect, as he will really be facinf a firing squad

[jackson]

An 18 year-old girl tells her Mum that she has missed her period for the
last two months. Very worried, the mother goes to the Chemist and buys a
pregnancy kit.

The test result shows that the girl is pregnant. Shouting, cursing, crying,
the mother says, "Who was the pig that did this to you? I want to know!"

The girl picks up the phone and makes a call. Half an hour later a Ferrari
stops in front of their house; a mature and distinguished man with grey hair
and impeccably dressed in an Armani suit steps out of the Ferrari and enters
the house. He sits in the living room with the father and the mother, and the
man tells them:

"Good morning, your daughter has informed me of the problem. I can't marry
her because of my personal family situation but I'll take charge. I will pay
all costs and provide for your daughter for the rest of her life".

Additionally, if a girl is born I will bequeath her 2 retail stores, a
townhouse, a beachfront villa and a £2,000,000 bank account.

If a boy is born, my legacy will be a couple of factories and a £4,000,000
bank account.

If it's twins, they will receive a factory and £2,000,000 each.

However, if there is a miscarriage, what do you suggest I do?"

At this point, the girls father, who had remained silent, places a hand
firmly on the man's shoulder and tells him,

"You fuck her again."