»

[Duma]

HUMANS EVOLVED FROM PIGS - not from monkeys

Charles Darwin was wrong -- humans evolved from pigs, not apes. And that explains the Biblical prohibition against consuming the flesh of our oinking relatives, according to a startling new theory.

"It's hard to believe, but you and Porky Pig are kissing cousins," says genetic scientist Dr. Basil Hainwright of London.

"Dim recollections of a time when we trotted on all fours and rolled in the mud with our family members probably survived into Neolithic times.

"And so it is hardly surprising that dietary laws making taboo the eating of pork -- one step away from cannibalism -- found their way into the holiest texts of ancient man."

Until modern-day DNA science came of age and researchers meticulously analyzed the specific genes of mankind and other creatures, it was widely assumed that humans and hogs were as distantly related as we look.

But the latest research shows the two species are unbelievably close.

"It turns out humans and pigs shared a common ancestor just 64 million years ago -- a blink of the eye in evolutionary terms," Dr. Hainwright says.

"My research suggests that this creature looked far more like a pig than an ape. It walked on all fours, had an upturned snout and a small, curly tail.

"If you saw it today, you would definitely identify it as a pig."

The close relationship explains the many similarities between the species today:

*Both are extremely intelligent.

*Both are omnivores, eating meat as well as vegetables.

*Both are highly adaptable, capable of gentle behavior in a protective environment, while capable of great aggression when forced to fend for themselves.

"This also explains why pig organs are so successful in transplants into humans," explains Dr. Hainwright. "Not only are the genetic differences almost inconsequential, but the closeness of size and function of pig organs make them perfectly compatible with the human body.

"Even the most primitive savages have noted the extraordinary resemblance: A name given by cannibals to human meat is 'long pig.'

"And of course, in schools around the world, fetal pigs are chosen for dissection because they're virtually identical at a certain stage to an unborn human."

While all this may sound creepy, Dr. Hainwright says it shouldn't cause us to abandon xenotransplantion, as the use of pig organs is known -- and he doesn't even believe we should give up our beloved bacon and pork chops.

"At some point in evolution, our ancestors climbed out of the mud, began walking erect and started using tools," he explains.

"Our less-ambitious cousins developed into the Middle-Eastern wild boar Sus scrofa, the ancestor of domesticated breeds of pigs now raised for food in Great Britain and the U.S.

"While we may from time to time look at a pig struggling in its pen and honking in fear as it's taken to the slaughterhouse, and imagine ourselves in its place, the reality is evolution has led us quite far from our piggish ancestors."

[Dinosaur]

hmm this a hoax?
it sounds interesting though...

[New Found Power]

Where did you find this?

[Camie]

Originally Posted by Duma

"Dim recollections of a time when we trotted on all fours and rolled in the mud with our family members probably survived into Neolithic times."

That's ace

[Intravenous]

Maybe that is correct...but I think it is much more correct to say that the ancestor that later diverged to form humans and apes was a descendant of this pig like animal so although we did perhaps evolve from the same ancestor that pigs did, we evolved from the original ape like ancestor much more recently...round about 10 000 to 100 000 years ago, much less than 64 million years ago.

"*Both are extremely intelligent.

*Both are omnivores, eating meat as well as vegetables.

*Both are highly adaptable, capable of gentle behavior in a protective environment, while capable of great aggression when forced to fend for themselves."

All of those similarities can be compared to apes/monkeys and I'm sure ape organs would be very suitable for transplants if we were allowed to use them.

You say that the likeness between fetal pigs and fetal humans is large? Well actually the likeness between all fetal animals is large in the earlier development stages, this is one of the observations that actually led Darwin to coming to his conclusions on evolution.

There is only one chromosome that separates humans and apes...our DNA is about 95% identical, the same cannot be said for pigs.

Well, Darwin is really wrong anyway. I pesonally have ancestors who were known to be speaker cones. Only 1/2 a watt but the great Warfedale the Conquerer is up there, along with the very first and significantly shitter, Emporer Alba TruBass.

[Duma]

There is only one chromosome that separates humans and apes...our DNA is about 95% identical, the same cannot be said for pigs.

Our DNA is 98% ape compatible.

But Im sure you'll agree that pigs make better donors than Apes.

Neo-Medicine shows us that a Heart transplant patient can live a full and healthy life with the heart o a pig!! Disgusting..yes..but vividly true!



Click here

[New Found Power]

You got punk'd, son!

Weekly World News is a spoof news site, sort of like The Onion. However, due to the painfully unfunny nature of their shitty articles, they occasionally get posted on "real" newslines like this one.

And anyway, that article is over a year and a half old. Don't you think there would be more coverage than this one article by now?

[Camie]

I would've thought by the comment i quoted that you can see it was obviously a pisstake.

[New Found Power]

Originally Posted by Camie

I would've thought by the comment i quoted that you can see it was obviously a pisstake.

Yes, but I was just trying to make the point blatantly clear, to save somebody copy-pasting this somewhere else on the internet and continuing a Von Neumann-esque chain of retarded scientific thought.

That, and I really fucking hate the weekly world news.