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[Smooth_groover]

A polar bear walks into a bar and says to the bartender:
"I'll have a brandy...........................................
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..........and coke."
The bartender asks: "What's with the big pause?"
The bear responds: "I dunno. I've always had them."

[lazy pixie]

Tom had been in business for 25 years and was finally sick of the stress. He quit his job and bought 50 acres of land in the Australian Outback as far from humanity as possible.

He saw the postman once a week and got groceries once a month. Otherwise, it was total peace and quiet. After six months or so of total isolation, someone knocked on his door. He opened it and there was a huge, bearded man standing there. "Name's Duane,your neighbour from forty miles up the road. Having a Christmas party Friday night ... thought you might like to come ... about 5:00." "Great," says Tom, "after six months out here I'm ready to meet some local folks. Thank you!" Duane is leaving, he stops. "Gotta warn you…There's gonna be some drinkin'." "Not a problem," says Tom. "After 25 years in business, I can drink with the best of 'em." Again, as he starts to leave, Duane stops. "More 'n likely gonna be some fightin' too." Tom says, "Well, I get along with people, I'll be alright. I'll be there. Thanks again." Once again Duane turns from the door. "More 'n likely be some wild sex, too." "Now that's really not a problem," says Tom, warming to the idea. "I've been all alone for six months! I'll definitely be there. By the way, what should I wear?" Duane stops in the door again and says, "Whatever you want. Just gonna be the two of us."

he he

[Smooth_groover]

Nae bad, nae bad!

[treader.]

A guy and a girl are having sex, and the girl says: "Don't you think it was presumptuous of you to think you could sleep with me on the first date?" The man responds: "Don't you think 'presumptuous' is kind of a big word for a 6 year old?"

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A dirty old man pulls up in his car beside a little boy.
Holding a bag full of sweets, he says: "Hey kid, if I give you a piece of candy, will you come in my car?"
"Give me the whole bag and I'll come in your mouth!"

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A sex researcher is interviewing men about what they do with their other hand when they masturbate. Three subjects are in the room.

He asks the first man, who replies: "I hold a porno mag."

The second says: "I hold a computer mouse to browse porn on the net."

The third says: "I hold a sponge."

The researcher, startled, says: "why a sponge?"

"Well, I've got to use something to bathe the kids."

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A guy walks into a bar, and after a while the bartender starts griping. "You see this little figurine I whittled? I made it myself. But they don't call me 'Joe the wood carver.' And you see that big swordfish on the wall? Caught that one myself. But they don't call me 'Joe the fish catcher.' Hell, they don't even call me 'Joe the Bartender.' BUT YOU FUCK ONE KID . . ."

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Q: Why do women have periods?
A: Because they deserve them