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[milner]

Originally Posted by musiccube

just listend to your so called tune . in my ears its utter twoddle mate . sounds just like a 1 bar loop thats it . to tell u the truth dont give up your day job eh . well i can say something it made me laugh . and for the ppl who daid it was a good track . well what can i say all u guys must have glue in your ears . so come on guys tell me whats good about it . it sounds like something i could make in 10 min .just my tuppens worth . thats not a tune its just a loop ... sorry if i have offended u mate but if u r going to put something up in a forum at least make it worth listening to eh also if u guys think this is a good tune i would like to hear what half of u guys hear r making .tell u what i would not like to hear anything if thats what u guys like

not even a good try NEXT

and if your going to try and take the piss it may be a good idea to learn proper english, that way someone might actually take you seriously

Good track, the vocals arnt perfect, but with a bit more time taken over them im sure they would be awesome, theres enough there to def show that. The guitar souind is lovely and so is the bass sound, overall a really well produced song.
Hope to hear some more of your stuff up soon.

[Hogisbald]

I am a metal/weird ambient guy so dont take my points tooooo serious.

the bass riff is awesome and catchy, perhaps some Jam and Clash influences? I wont waste your time by telling you that the solo is out. The way that the chorus type guitar bit comes in at 3mins 08 sec (approx) kicks ass. The way that you give it a bit more raaaar to build up to the last chorus helps the tune and reminds me a bit of the Foo Fighters. Some of your high notes are very slightly out but you are going for some pretty serious high end stuff at some points, slightly tweak and sorted.

If that helps, yey! If it doesnt, ach well.

[Keilan 303]

Cheers guys!

Debut gig, sometime March 2038 at the Moorings, hosted by a bald flash.

[scottST]

damn, wish it was sooner

but seriously, theres no hope of you guys playing live in the immediate future? thats a shame.

[Dayeth]

I thought that was pretty damn good.

The bit around 3:05 is my favourite, the bass riff is rather cool too. I'm not keen on the singing though.

[Sam L4]

Originally Posted by Keilan 303

Cheers guys!

Debut gig, sometime March 2038 at the Moorings, hosted by a bald flash.

Haha i recon thats when we'll be just about ready to gig. See you there.

[Keilan 303]

Originally Posted by Dayeth

I thought that was pretty damn good.

The bit around 3:05 is my favourite, the bass riff is rather cool too. I'm not keen on the singing though.

A bit of YES influence creeped in there

I'm not too keen on my singing either.....working on it

[Flash@TMB]

Originally Posted by Keilan 303

A bit of YES influence creeped in there

I'm not too keen on my singing either.....working on it

Oh yeah, that's a good way of alienating all your fans. Tell them you're a punk band with Yes influences. 5 ways in which Yes can influence a tune:

1) By making it much longer than it needs to be.
2) Lyrics that are are written by a deranged 5 year old.
3) Have it sung by a faggot dressed like a floozy with a one octave range and his balls in a vice.
4) They keyboard player scoffs a curry during the performance.
5) It forms part of a 6 double concept album set about plankton.

But seriously... I really like the tune, it's arguably the best one you've done, up their with 'Space Rocket'. Your singing is fine, but it sounds to me that you have that tight throat thing happening due to being a little self concious about it. You might want to try some of those vocal exercise thingies before laying down another vocal track.

Your lyrics are fuckin shite though. You have an unusual tendency to inject too much meaning AND not enough substance into your lyrics. These in particular are fluffy, yet strangely too serious (for that tune), everything that I hate about The Manic Street Preachers shines through LMAO. Lighten them up and inject some more real world detail into them. Try spending time reading and digesting lyrics by great lyricists, including artists that you wouldn't normally listen to. Here are some off-the-cuff recommendations for you:

Bon Scott - just about eveything he even wrote, but in particular Touch Too Much, and Live Wire. Bon's lyrics are rock 'n roll in their purest form. Tight and loaded with nitty gritty detail and humour. Yours could do with a lot more of that.

Patti Smith - Free Money, Rock 'n Roll Nigger. Impossible to beat her for speel of conciousness type lyrics, but she also does a fine turn of emotion and sheer agression.

Go and send me the lyrics to Problems, set out in their lines, verses, and choruses, and I'll rewrite them as 'Space Rocket' for you.

[Keilan 303]

These are the most light hearted lyrics I've ever written.....some of the other stuff is too scary to print here tho.....but good points!

Aye Keilan, thats a good track in many ways, you are showing a great mastery of tech(nique), if this track is all done "in the box", I think the lyrics are maybe in leaning to the "right" in my perception,
I like this, but I do prefer your harder/poppier/socially aware stuff