the vocal is way too quiet, you should be a bit more confident about it and bring it to the front of the mix, I couldn't make out the words. I'm not really sure whats going on with the percussion, were you tapping the mic or something because it sounds a bit irritating. I don't know if the hiss is intentional or an artifact of your recording method but I'd lose it. On the whole it's not too offensive anyway...it makes me think of drunk suicidal people slitting their wrists in a hot bath.
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