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Being located on the quay has it's advantages:

1) Neds are too scared to come down.

2) Getting to and from the bar unaccosted is very safe, the worst part being negotiating Market Street, personally I recommend either going down Guild Street, via the Shiprow, or down Marshall Street.

There are only 2 minor problems:

1) Hookers, lucily we are far away from the tolerence zone that we hardly see any, and the police helpfully patrol around the bar to scare them off. In the unlikely event that anyone encounters one, here is how to deal with the situation. When they enquire "Yi looking fer bizness?" just reply "Yes - do you sell kebabs?".


2) Stag nights. We do not admit stag nights, head wettings etc. Most of those terminate at the Crown & Anchor, but we have a sign up prohibiting them anyway. In addition we have hiked the price of a bottle of Miller MGD into the stratosphere £2.50 as opposed to £1.80 or £2.00 for other bottled beers.

Occasionally though a group will manage to trick us into admission, usually by arriving in small scouting parties. When this happens we play our joker... I turn the volume up all the way, the crowd in the bar smile and encourage this with the secret Moorings sign of index finger jabbing upwards. It's amazing how fast those fuckers drink their bottles of Miller with TWENTY FIVE THOUSAND WATTS of Rammstein or Killing Joke blasting both brain cells out of their ears. It also means that it's too loud for them to talk, and so loud they are unable to order a second drink (heaven forbid).

Result: total stag nights last weekend = 1. Duration = 4 mins.

Roll on Saturday. This is almost fun.

So if it goes loud then just sit back and enjoy the spectacle.

I should also mention that we too have banned burbury (however it's spelt), football tops, baseball caps, shell suits, and trainers. Nudity is tolerated under the influence of Absinthe.


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