[patrick boo]

I have to tell you about my experiences of Jim Davidson...

In the early 90s when I finished my degree I went back to my home town of Lincoln and took the job of assistant manager at a small independent cinema. The place was owned by a dimwitted posho who made a mint putting Z-list celebrities in pantomimes (although one day I was glad of this when I had to call Mr T's house in LA - his answerphone message was "Pity the fool who don't leave a message"!). Anyhoo, he was mates with said right wing shitehawk 'comedian'.

Davidson appeared with a jarring regularity, always acting a twat, making jokes about his ex-wives, making crap racist jokes, the usual. Then, horror of horrors, the fucker only went and bought the cinema. It was a nightmare - the guy was the definition of a misogynist - I mean he really hates women, it's a real problem for him. He used to call the usherettes bitches and whores to their faces... the only good thing was that he drank Diet Coke, what with the alcoholism and all that. Now if you've ever operated one of those post mix taps you'll know that Diet Coke froths really badly, so you can turn round and hawk a giant greenie into it without it being noticed. Davidson must have swallowed a good pint of my guttural excretia by the time he eventually sacked me.

A happy ending for me - I took him to court for unfair dismissal, won and haven't looked back. Unfortunately a sad one for the cinema. He sold the beautiful art deco cinema with it's 3000ft of turquoise and pink neon lighting, silver silk curtains and biggest UK screen outside the West End of London. It's now the Wetherspoon's Ritz, a cinema themepub with the massive expanse of screens, stages and dressing rooms all closed off and the foyer area used as a pleasant hostelry.